


Under the Big Top

by Raineishida



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: All of the Kingdom Hearts universes have been mashed together, All of them are adults, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Circus, Axel and Roxas belong together no matter what universe this is, Axel is a fire dancer, Circus, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, In which everyone is in a relationship with everyone else, Love Confessions, M/M, Past Character Death, Sora is needy, Unrequited Love, even when i try to break them up it doesn't work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-02-19 02:37:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 41,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2371388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raineishida/pseuds/Raineishida
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the edge of town near a small lake, a troupe of circus performers has set up camp. They've been there for awhile now, practicing their moves until the big day when the performance begins.</p>
<p>But within the small troupe is a lot of discord, and though they are a family, they are nothing if not dysfunctional.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Big Top

**Author's Note:**

  * For [heartspocky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartspocky/gifts).



The tent was huge. It glowed from within, red and white stripes that beckoned to him, begging him to come inside and see what it held.

Sora stepped through the entrance and was met with a feeling he could only describe as wonder. 

Darkness all around him, Sora could only see the stage which had a single spotlight, shining blue on a suspended figure hanging from two sheets of silk.

The figure was a young man, probably around Sora’s age or a bit older, slim and tall, the lights doing everything complimentary to his lean figure. The young man was wrapped in the silk fabric, stretching, twirling, spinning around and around, falling to the ground, and yet not hitting it as the silk held him suspended, leaving Sora holding his breath as he watched, fascinated.

“He’s good, isn’t he?” The voice to Sora’s right startled him out of his reverie and he turned to see who had spoken to him. A young girl, also around his age, with shoulder-length red hair was watching the suspended man with a small smile on her lips.

“Yeah,” Sora replied, unsure of how else to respond. She turned to look at him with deep blue eyes and smiled. 

“You’re new in town, aren’t you?”

“How can you tell?” Sora asked with a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his head.

“Because if you were from around here, you would have seen him before. People come from all over to see his sky dancing.”

“Sky dancing?”

“Aerial silks, really,” she explained, gesturing to the silks as they twirled around him. “But it looks like he’s dancing in the sky, doesn’t it?”

Sora watched for another moment, as the young man twirled around and around – and then stopped.   
“Larxene!” he called, his voice clear across the dark stage. Sora located the target of his shouting, a woman who was controlling the spotlight. “I can’t see! Stop shining the light in my fucking eyes!”

The woman gave an angry growl. “Damnit, Riku. You’re such a princess! Deal with it! You won’t care about the light when it’s time for the performance anyway!”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t need to see what I’m doing now, dumbass.”

The girl next to Sora chuckled. “They never get along. Funny how Larxene is in charge of lights, but she never wants to get it right for Riku. It’s like she does this on purpose, just to make him angry, to try and make him mess up.”

Sora frowned. “But why?” 

“Because he’s perfect,” she explained. Sora felt a funny feeling in his stomach. Yes, at first glance he did appear to be perfect. He was sure that wasn’t the case, but even so.

Larxene made another angry noise. “You’re such an arrogant asshole! Do this on your own, I’m leaving.” She climbed up from her suspended chair and disappeared into some rafters Sora couldn’t see, leaving the spotlight shining on Riku’s face.

The boy, Riku, gave an exasperated sigh and loosened the silk around his waist, sliding effortlessly to the floor. He landed with a soft thump on his bare feet and sighed, hesitating before letting go of the silk in his hands.

“Good practice, Riku!” the girl cried. Riku turned to look for her and spotted her waving to him. He lifted a hand to return her greeting, but stopped when he saw Sora. He stared at Sora for a long moment before returning his gaze to the girl and then walking off the stage.

“I’m Kairi, by the way,” the girl said, holding out her hand. “What’s your name?”

Sora was still watching the direction that Riku had gone, even though he was no longer standing there.

“Huh? Oh, I’m Sora.” He shook her outstretched hand and offered a goofy grin.

“Well, Sora. What brings you to our humble circus?” she asked with a bright smile.

Once again, Sora glanced to Riku’s previously occupied space and shook his head. “I’m not sure. I just kinda...got off the train and ended up here. I don’t really have anywhere else to go,” he admitted. He gestured to the backpack he wore and shrugged.

Kairi wasn’t fazed. “Sounds like a perfect reason to me. Come with me, I’ll introduce you to everybody.”   
Sora found himself being dragged by the arm out of the largest tent with the stage, which Kairi called the ‘big top’, and was taken to a series of smaller tents.

“This is our dressing tent, where all the costumes are, and where we put our makeup on. The stars of the show, like Riku and Axel, get their own dressing areas because they’re our biggest crowd pullers. People like me have to get dressed in here with the ‘lesser folk’,” she explained with a laugh. Sora frowned.

“What do you do here?”

“Me?” Kairi asked. “I’m the magician’s assistant. Also his daughter, but that’s not why. I’m good at getting my legs sawn off, I guess.”

Sora’s frown grew deeper. “I guess I have to see that to understand?”

Kairi laughed again. “Yeah. But come on, you should meet some of the other people here.”

Kairi led Sora through the next tent, a bigger tent with a lot of bunk beds. Sitting on the floor in the middle of the tent was what Sora thought was an optical illusion. Two blond boys sat facing each other, mirroring each others’ movements. Sora watched for a moment before Kairi interrupted.

“Sora, this is Roxas and Ventus, our twin acrobats.”

The boys looked up at the same time and rolled backwards simultaneously, standing to shake Sora’s hand.

“Nice to meet you,” they said together. Sora didn’t know how to respond.

“Is he joining our team?” one of them asked.

Kairi shrugged. “I don’t know, Ventus.”

The boy who’d asked, smiled brightly. “I hope so. I like making new friends.”

The other twin, shrugged. “What’s his talent? Does he have one?”

Ventus punched his brother in the arm. “Who cares? Even if he doesn’t have one, we still need the help.”

His twin, Roxas, scowled. “Xemnas doesn’t pay enough for the help we need. You think this kid wants to pick up elephant poop?”

“Aww, it’s not that bad!” Ventus reasoned. He turned to Sora and grinned. “Look, no matter what job you get, it’s really awesome working here. The people are super cool.”

Kairi giggled. “You’ll get used to their banter, Sora. Ventus is the upbeat one, and Roxas is the more pessimistic of the two. That’s how you can tell them apart.”

Ventus pouted, earning a smug grin from Roxas.

Sora couldn’t tell the difference, even with Kairi’s tip.

“Do you guys know where Axel is?” she asked. The brothers shrugged in unison.

“We haven’t seen him,” they replied. “Check his dressing tent.”

Kairi nodded. “I bet he’s practicing out back.”

Sora followed Kairi to an open area between tents where he was met with a shocking sight. Standing in the middle of the grassy area was a young man, probably in his twenties, with flaming red hair and wearing only black pants low on his waist, twirling two short staves with fire on both ends. The fire spun so fast in his hands that it appeared as if the man was wielding two discs of fire. Sora couldn’t look away.

“This is Axel,” Kairi explained. “He’s our resident fire dancer, fire breather... Basically anything to do with fire.”

“You know it, baby,” Axel replied, not breaking his concentration. He tossed the staves into the air and caught them. Once they’d stopped moving, the fire went out as if Axel had turned it off. Sora didn’t see where there was a button that would have made this happen, but he just trusted that was how it worked.

“Hey. I’m Axel. What’s your name, kid?”

“Sora.”

Kairi grinned. “He just moved here. You need an assistant?”

“Like I need a hole in my head,” he said with a grin as he studied the newcomer. “Look kid, you any good with fire?”

“U-uh...”

“That’d be a no. See, fire isn’t just some hot flame you can bring down to your level and control. It’s alive. It lives, and it’s angry. Fire is an element to be respected and handled by experienced and confident hands. Y’know, like mine.”

Kairi rolled her eyes.

Axel grinned. “I’ve been working with fire my entire life. It’s not something you can just ‘learn’. What’s your talent, kid?”

“Sora,” he insisted. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I have a talent.”

“Well, what are you good at?” Axel asked, putting the staves on the ground and reaching for his shirt.  
“I dunno,” Sora replied. 

Axel sighed. “You kidding me, Kairi?”

“I don’t know, Axel. Give him a break, okay?” she pleaded. “My father will see reason, I’m sure.”

“Not if the kid doesn’t have a talent.”

“The twins already told him that he’d be scooping poop,” Kairi told him with a groan. “I don’t want to have to resort to that.”

“Hey, if it needs to be done...” Axel scratched the back of his head and laughed. “You know Terra’s as dumb as a post, scooping poop is probably too difficult for him. Maybe the new kid is perfect for it.”

“It’s not happening,” Kairi insisted. “Anyway. You’ve met, we’re good, etcetera, etcetera. Come on, Sora.” She grabbed his arm. “Let’s keep going.”

By the time Sora had been introduced to everyone two hours had passed and he was exhausted. Kairi led him to the tent where everyone slept and gave him a blanket and a pillow. “Here,” she explained, pointing to the top bunk that looked unoccupied. “You’ll stay here with everyone. I live in the trailer with my father. The stars get their own trailers, like Riku, and then everyone else just stays in here. It’s like a big family.”

Ventus walked into the tent at that moment and grinned. “Hey! You’re staying with us??”

Sora scratched the back of his head. “Yeah, is that cool?”

“Of course, dude! We love new faces.”

Roxas followed behind Ventus seconds later. “He loves new faces. I still say you’re scooping poop.”

Kairi rolled her eyes. “Both of you can just shut up. Sora’s meeting my father tomorrow and we’ll decide then what he’ll do here. Just be nice to him, okay?”

Ventus laughed. “Easy.”

Kairi turned to Sora. “If you need anything, just ask Ven. He’ll help you out, okay?”

Sora nodded and waved his thanks as Kairi left the tent. Ventus watched her leave, which didn’t escape Roxas’s notice.

“So did you meet Riku?” Ventus asked.

Sora shrugged. “Kind of. I was introduced when he was practicing his sky dancing or whatever it is.”

“Yeah, he’s kind of...an elitist.”

“He’s a stuck up prick is what he is,” Roxas muttered from his bunk.

“Tough talk from such a little boy,” Axel commented from the tent’s opening. Roxas rolled over to face the redhead. 

“What do you want?”

“It’s early still, too early for bed. Come hang out with me.”

“Take Ventus,” Roxas growled and rolled back over.

“I don’t want Ventus; I want you.”

Sora watched the exchange with raised eyebrows. Ventus shrugged his shoulders.

“Piss off, Axel. I mean it, I just want to go to sleep,” Roxas muttered. 

“I’ll be down by the lake if you can’t sleep,” Axel offered with a grin. “Nice to see you’re settling in, new guy,” Axel added, nodding at Sora.

Sora just waved bashfully as Axel closed the tent flap behind him.

“What was that about?” Sora asked Ventus softly.

“I can hear you,” Roxas mumbled.

“Axel’s a bit pushy. He and Roxas are pretty tight, but sometimes Axel doesn’t really take the hint that Roxas needs time to himself. Axel can be...kind of demanding.”

“Kind of,” Roxas agreed. “He’s not a bad guy,” he admitted, his back still to the other two boys. “I just don’t feel like dealing with him right now.”

Ventus nodded. “Roxas is kinda...the only one who can give Axel crap and Axel doesn’t get mad about it.”

Sora sighed and crawled up into his bunk. “Well. I’m really tired. It’s been a bit...overwhelming.” 

Ventus nodded. “Yeah, sorry. Lots to take in, personalities to clash with. I get it. You know what you’re doing in the morning?”

“Finding Kairi, I guess,” Sora said with a shrug.

Ventus grinned. “Okay, as long as you have a plan. See you tomorrow, Sora! I’m glad you’re here with us.”

Sora found himself returning Ventus’s warm, genuine smile. “Thanks, Ventus.”

The blond laughed. “Call me Ven.”


	2. Lakeside

The next morning was a bit of a blur. Kairi showed Sora around some more and introduced him to a lot more people, some of whom he knew he'd never remember, like a British blond man who shuffled cards way too quickly to be human, and two people who trained the animals. One was a girl with blue hair and a kind smile, and the other was a man with a strange haircut and a stoic expression. He shook Sora's hand with a firm grip and didn't say anything more. Sora wondered if he really was ‘dumb as a post’ as Axel had suggested.

Kairi eventually led Sora back to the Big Top. “Riku's going to practice and I bet you'll want to watch that, so I'll leave you here for a bit, okay?”

Sora nodded, feeling excitement in his gut. “Yeah, that's fine. See you later?”

“Yeah. I have to meet with my father about some stuff, but then I'll come back and get you. You'll meet him soon enough. Try and figure out what you're good at before then so we don't end up giving you a shovel for poop, okay?” Kairi laughed and ruffled Sora's hair before leaving him in a seat to watch Riku practice.

Riku was on the stage talking to an older man with a long dark ponytail. When the man glanced around the room, Sora noticed he had an eyepatch. He appeared to be explaining something to Riku. Perhaps he was Riku's coach?

Sora watched them interact for a little while, fascinated by Riku's body language, noting how uncomfortable and impatient he seemed, before taking the dangling silks in his hands and rising into the air.

His mentor, called Xigbar, called instructions to Riku from the ground, offering encouragement when needed.

Sora couldn't look away from Riku. The silver haired youth was wearing tight black leggings that stopped at his calves, and Sora admitted to himself and only to himself that Riku's physique was making Sora a little red in the face.

Xigbar demanded an in-air plank and Riku held it for as long as he could, giving Sora more than his fair share of muscle to look at.

Riku let out an exclamation of pain and let go of the position, wrapping the silks around his legs and taking a seated pose. “Can't do it, Xigbar.”

“That's cool man, you did good.” Xigbar brushed back some stray hairs from his forehead and gestured for Riku to come back down. “You're getting better at that plank. You've been doing your exercises, right?”

Riku nodded before letting go of his position and sliding down the silks with so few movements that Sora couldn't track them. Xigbar and Riku spoke in hushed tones for a few minutes and then Xigbar headed off the stage and out of the tent.

Riku held back a moment, before turning to face Sora and approaching him.

Sora couldn’t breathe.

“So,” Riku said, a small smile curling one side of his mouth. Sora frowned, certain Riku was mocking him. 

Riku put a hand on his hip. “Like what you see, new guy?”

“My name’s Sora,” Sora muttered, his face reddening as he turned his eyes away. Riku was mocking him. 

“Okay, Sora. Tell me. How did I look up there?”

“Are you teasing me?” Sora asked, feeling bold as he turned to meet Riku’s eyes. Riku sat down next to him and leaned back and pushed his bangs out of his eyes. 

“I’m not teasing you. I’m asking your opinion.”

Sora was quiet for a moment. “You looked ethereal.”

Riku wasn’t expecting such a word. “Oh?”

“Yeah. I’ve never seen anything like that before. Like yesterday, when you were practicing.”

“Nah, I need a lot of work.”

Sora shrugged. “I hear a lot of people come here to see you.”

“I do it blindfolded, that’s why they want to see me.”

“You- what?!” Sora’s eyes were wide. “Do you really?”

Riku grinned. “Yeah. That’s why I’m so popular. Bet the fire dancer doesn’t do his show blindfolded.” 

Sora thought of Axel and his imagination set Axel’s hair on fire. He giggled to himself.

“Yeah, I can see why he wouldn’t.”

“Have they figured out where they’re going to put you yet?” Riku asked. 

Sora shook his head. “No, not yet. I keep getting told I’ll be shoveling poop but at this point I don’t even care. I need a change.”

“Where are you from?” 

“It doesn’t matter. I’m not going back.” 

Riku was surprised by how Sora’s eyes suddenly darkened, his face a mask. 

“Right. Well, we’re all wanderers of our own sort. I hope you find what you’re looking for here.”

Sora sighed and scratched the back of his head nervously. “Sorry. I don’t like to talk about where I’m from.”

“It’s cool,” Riku said, standing and offering a hand to Sora to help him up. “Want to go get some lunch and we can talk about something that isn’t your obviously tragic backstory?”

Sora smiled, relaxing his shoulders. He took Riku’s hand. “Sure.”

 

\--

Riku left Sora with Kairi a little later and headed back to his dressing room. He found it odd, and slightly comforting how easy it was to talk to Sora about anything. Sora’s warm smile and easy laugh made him a welcome lunch companion.

Perhaps they’d spend some more time together in the future. Riku didn’t mind Sora’s blush whenever their eyes met, either. 

Back in his dressing room, Riku looked at himself in the mirror and tried to smile, but he couldn’t make any of it look natural. Not like Sora’s smile. Maybe Sora had a reason to smile. Everyone knew Riku didn’t have it in him.

Perhaps Sora could help Riku learn to smile again. He could only be stoic for so long. 

\--

Kairi’s father Xemnas, the Ring Master, was relatively cold, but Kairi assured Sora that he was always like that. 

Xemnas met Sora with a handshake and a hope that he’d bring a great talent to the team. Kairi assured her father that Sora was talented and he wouldn’t regret bringing Sora onto the roster. 

“While we’re here,” Kairi said as they walked to meet up with Riku again, “I want to introduce you to someone.”

They were stopped outside a small tent. Lights and amulets dangled from the entrance, and fabric was draped over the doorway. The smell of incense emanated from inside and Sora wrinkled his nose. “Who’s this?”

“Namine, our psychic. I’ll see if she wants to see us.”

A sweet voice came from inside the tent, whispering, and yet loud enough to touch Sora’s soul. “This is not the time, Sora from the desert. Your time will come, and you will prove yourself when you are ready.”

Kairi hesitated and looked at Sora, whose eyes were wide. 

“I guess she doesn’t want to see us,” Kairi whispered. “See you later, Namine.”

“It is not time,” Namine’s voice repeated softly. 

Kairi grabbed Sora’s arm and led him away quickly. 

“What was that about?” Sora asked in a hushed tone. Kairi shook her head. 

“I don’t know. Sometimes she can be rather cryptic. She doesn’t come out of there. Usually, the only person she’ll actually sit with and talk to is Roxas, and even then that’s when she feels like it.”

“What does she mean my ‘time will come’?” Sora asked with a frown. Kairi shrugged. 

“She says a lot of things that come true later… I guess we’ll find out?”

Sora felt chilled all the same. He felt like the girl had seen through him. Sora of the Desert. At least she hadn’t said more than that.

 

\--

Later that night, Sora woke up in a panic, his bedroll twisted, his blanket tangled around his legs. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and tried to settle his breathing before anyone noticed. Had he spoken? Hopefully he hadn’t said anything in his sleep that would have given him away. He straightened his blankets and lay back down, noting that it was still dark outside; it wasn’t time to get up yet. He lay with his arm as his cushion, trying to will his mind to calm down enough for him to return to a peaceful slumber, but he couldn’t get his brain to settle down. 

Not after the dream he’d just had. Not when his mind’s eye was feeding him images and feelings like those. Not when he’d just dreamed of Riku’s lips on his skin, gentle, then hungry, even the grazing of his teeth in between feverish kisses, his imagination feeding him the thoughts of Riku’s fingers inside of him. In the darkness, Sora shifted as best he could to try and hide his uncomfortable and potentially embarrassing reaction to this dream, and put a hand against one of his burning cheeks.

Across the room full of sleeping people, Roxas lay awake, his gaze fixed on the new kid, nearly invisible in the dark. The new kid who had groaned softly in his sleep before whispering Riku’s name.

 

\--

 

Roxas found Axel at the lake a little while later, as he anticipated, smoking a cigarette and looking out over the water. The redhead didn’t even turn when Roxas approached.

“Hey,” Axel muttered, offering him a cigarette from the package. Roxas declined without a word, and Axel put the pack back into the pocket of his hoodie. 

Roxas found space on the rock next to Axel and sat down. The two of them stared over the clear of the water in silence for awhile before Roxas sighed. It had to be around 4 in the morning.

“What’s up?” Axel asked.

“New kid has a thing for Riku,” Roxas replied.

“Are you surprised?” Axel wore a smirk. “Riku’s flawless.” 

“You know that’s not true,” Roxas said with a frown. “Of everyone in our troupe, you know that’s not true at all.”

Axel didn’t reply. “New kid seems nice.”

“New kid seems…new. I don’t know if he’ll fit in here.”

“Does he have any personal demons?” Axel asked with a chuckle. “If he does, then he’ll be just fine.”

Roxas stuffed his hands deep into his pockets and glared at the ground. 

“What crawled up your ass?” Axel asked, glancing at Roxas. 

“Nothing, I’m just...grumpy.”

“Wanna make out?”

“Ugh, why do you always do that?” Roxas grumbled, standing up and walking closer to the water. 

“Do what?” Axel asked, standing up to follow the blond. 

Roxas avoided Axel’s gaze and searched the stones at his feet for flat rocks to skip along the water. He skipped a few stones in silence, watching them jump across the water.

Axel watched Roxas. 

“Hit on me. Why do you hit on me all the time?” Roxas’s voice was soft, his words careful.

“Did it ever occur to you that I might have a thing for you?” Axel asked with a shrug. 

Roxas looked up at him, his blue eyes full of hurt. “You say that to everyone. Why me? Why not Ven?”

Axel stepped closer to Roxas and sighed. “You’re so stupid, Roxas. How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want Ven; I want you.”

“But why?” Roxas asked softly, stepping back. “I don’t want to be another person added to your ‘list’.”

“My list?” Axel asked. Roxas turned away from him. 

“You know what I’m talking about. You’ve slept with most of the troupe; you just want to add me to your list.”

Axel let out a noise of frustration. “For fuck’s sake, Roxas. Is that what you think I’m after?”

Roxas shrugged. “I don’t want to get hurt.”

Axel sighed. He pulled out another cigarette and lit it. After a few drags in silence, he let out an angry hiss. “Fuck.” 

Roxas met his eyes and waited.

“I’m tired of being the troupe’s whore. I slept with who I wanted because I _wanted_ to, okay? But I’m not like that anymore. That was awhile back. That was before I got to know you. You make me want to stop all of that. Don’t you realize what you do to me?” His voice was almost a whisper.

“I don’t do anything to you,” Roxas muttered, tearing his gaze away.

Axel let out a bitter laugh. “Fuck off, Roxas. I’m tired of fucking around. I just want some stability.”

“With a circus performer.” 

Axel shook his head. “I just… Why can’t we give it a shot? Why can’t we go out on a date? Or spend some quality time together. I don’t need to fuck you, okay? I just want to be around you. Just you.”

Roxas frowned. 

“I know you might not even see me that way. I get that. But…” Axel took Roxas by the shoulders, his cigarette carefully balanced between his two fingers, sending wisps of smoke under Roxas’s nose.

“When will you see I’m crazy about you?” 

“I think you’re just crazy,” Roxas replied softly. His body language still cried out how guarded he was, but Axel didn’t care. He leaned in and kissed Roxas, gentle and soft, tasting of cigarettes and an unspoken passion that was held back with such a careful control that Roxas almost let out a groan as he tasted it.

Axel broke the kiss, hesitating before pulling away. “There. I’ve said my piece. The rest is up to you now. I won’t wait for you or some dumb shit like that, but… You’re the only person on my mind right now.”

Roxas nodded, licking his lips. He hated cigarettes. But on Axel…The taste of them was quite different. He found himself wishing Axel hadn’t pulled away. But perhaps that was just the night talking. He needed to approach this with a clear head.

“Good night, Axel.”

Axel didn’t say anything, but sat back down on the rock and lit another cigarette.


	3. Mirror Game

Kairi was approaching Riku’s tent when her father parted through the opening, muttering under his breath. 

“Good evening, Father!” Kairi called. Xemnas walked right past her, too absorbed in his own thoughts to hear her greeting.

“Alright, fine then,” she grumbled. Peering through the tent flaps, she saw Riku sitting at his vanity.

Riku was in front of the mirror, staring at his reflection.

Kairi’s reflection showed up behind him and she smiled shyly. “You’re getting so much better on the silks, you know,” she offered softly. She always seemed to know what he was thinking. 

Riku sighed and dropped his eyes from hers.

“Your father wants perfection. I’m trying, Kairi.”

“I know. And he sees that you’re trying.”

“No, I don’t think he does.” 

She settled her hands on his shoulders and rested her chin on the top of his head. “He will, if he doesn’t already. We’ll all help to be sure he doesn’t miss it. Because we see it.”

Kairi sat down on a chair next to Riku and turned his attention away from the mirror. “Tell me about Sora.”

If Riku was caught off guard by her question, he didn’t show it. “What do you want to know that I would know?”

“He’s pretty cute.”

“So?” 

“Just making an observation, stupid.”

“You’re never making observations without reason. What are you getting at?”

“I just think maybe it would be worth your while to hang out, that’s all. He’s cute and nice and funny.”

“Those are reasons to date someone?”

“I never said anything about dating him,” Kairi said with a laugh as she swatted Riku’s knee.

“You’re implying it!” Riku replied, allowing himself to laugh about it.

Kairi stood, and shook his shoulders. “Maybe you’d be able to relax a bit if you had some fun. That’s what I’m implying.”

“You’re being gross again, aren’t you?”

“Fooling around is not gross,” she said, pursing her lips. “I just...want the best for you.”

“Liar,” Riku laughed. “You just want to hear about it, pervert.”

“I am not a pervert!” she cried, giggling when he turned around and tackled her, tickling her until they were laughing and out of breath on the big armchair in the corner of his tent. Kairi had ended up sitting on his lap, and leaned back so their heads were leaning against each other. “We’ll find a way to make him proud, won’t we?” she asked softly. Riku’s fingers moved from her arms and encircled her waist, hugging her close. 

“We’re not talking about Sora anymore, are we?” he whispered. She shook her head. Riku nuzzled his face in her hair and sighed. “I think it’s time you stop worrying about what he thinks about you and more about yourself.”

Kairi frowned. “Why would I need to worry about myself?” she asked. Riku let go of her and turned her so she was facing him. 

“Don’t let him control your life. You’re not a child anymore, Kairi. Okay? Can you promise me that? You’re allowed to make your own decisions.”

Kairi sighed after a long moment. “You’re right.” She got off the chair and smiled. “I’m going to go make my first decision on my own.”

“Yeah? What are you going to do?”

“Cut my hair.” 

Riku stood and ran her hair through his fingers. “Alright.”

She leaned forward into his arms and gave him a tight embrace. “Thanks, Riku. You always make me feel better, you know?”

He smiled and kissed the top of her head. “I know.”

 

\--

“Roxas, look in the mirror. What do you see?” It was those magic words that made Roxas groan angrily.

“Really, you’re going to play that card?”

His twin nodded. “What do you see?”

Roxas turned and faced his twin, mirroring him completely. “I see...how angry I am about something. I went to the lake with Axel last night. Or...this morning. It was probably around 4am. He confessed that...he likes me, or something.”

Ventus could hardly keep his face straight. He had to mirror his twin or their game would be ruined.

“What did you do about it?” Ventus asked.

Roxas shrugged, amused when his twin mirrored it. “Nothing. I don’t like him in return, so why does that matter?”

“I’m just wondering,” Ventus said. His smirk told Roxas he didn’t believe him for a second. “What else happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Liar.”

“He kissed me.”

Ventus hesitated. “How do you feel about that? Don’t lie to me.”

Roxas groaned in his throat, knowing he couldn’t hold the truth from his twin. “It was incredible.”

“So what are you going to do about it?”

“Keep on living, I guess,” Roxas said with a sigh. “But I’m not sure what to do about him. Do I...give it a go? Even though I don’t know how I feel about him?”

“It sounds like this needs some time,” Ventus said, mirroring Roxas when he scratched his own forehead.

“Speaking of things that have had time… When are you going to tell her?”

“Tell who what?” Ventus asked with feigned innocence.

Roxas smirked. “Tell me what you see when you look in the mirror, Ven.”

Ventus let out an exasperated sigh. “You serious?”

“I can play this game too, you know.”

“I don’t know if I’ll tell her. I don’t even know what to tell her.”

“Tell her you think she’s pretty. You do think that, don’t you?”

“I think she’s beautiful.”

“Girls like to hear that. Tell her some time.”

“Tell who what?” The voice startled both of them and Ventus jumped, whirling around to see a familiar redhead standing behind them.

“Oh, hey Kairi. Nothing!”

“What were you guys doing just now?” she asked with a raised brow.

“Twin stuff,” Roxas explained. “Don’t worry about it.”

Kairi grinned. “Sure thing. Anyway, Ven-“

Ventus interrupted her. “Did you get a haircut?”

Kairi blushed, and lifted her fingers to the ends of her hair. “You noticed?” 

“It looks nice,” Ventus said, smiling softly. Roxas took his cue. 

“Well, I’m going to go for a walk to clear my head. This twin stuff is exhausting. Why don’t you guys go for a walk or something too? The weather’s good. It’s a nice evening.”

Roxas left the tent, leaving Kairi in the doorway and Ventus both cursing and praising his twin.

“Want to go for a walk?” Kairi asked, smiling shyly. Ventus stood and nodded. 

“Yeah, sure!”

“Okay. Let’s go back to my tent first, I need to grab a sweater.”

“Is that also a new dress?” Ventus asked as they headed out into the night. The air was a little chilly; he was glad he was already wearing a baggy hoodie. He took it off and placed it over Kairi’s shoulders as they walked towards the other tent. 

“It is, yeah. I...don’t know how I feel about it. It feels a little silly, I just thought I’d give it a test run.”

“You look beautiful,” Ven managed softly without tripping over his tongue. He wasn’t sure if that was a blush he saw dusting over her cheeks as he held open the doorflaps of the tent for her.

“You...think so?” Kairi asked. “I don’t know. I really do feel kind of silly in this.”

Glancing around the room, Ventus found what he was looking for and led Kairi to the mirror at the vanity and set her in front of it, stepping out of view. She glanced at him and frowned. “What are you doing?”

“Twin stuff,” he explained. “Kairi, look in the mirror. What do you see?”

Frowning, she glanced at herself, then back at Ventus.

He shook his head. “Don’t look at me. Look at the mirror at your twin. Roxas and I do this all the time. If he’s not telling me something, I mirror him and ask him to tell me what’s wrong. The mirror won’t lie to you, because you’re telling yourself. What do you see?”

Kairi studied her reflection for a long time. As she studied herself, Ventus watched her expression change.

“I see a girl who is told she’s not good enough. I see a girl who has spent her whole life wanting the spotlight and having to give it up for a _boy_ who’s prettier than she is.” Her fingers drifted from the edges of her shorter hair to the top of her dress. “I see...a clown in a ridiculous dress, a little girl trying to be a grown up.” Her voice began to shake and her fingers were trembling. Ventus remained silent as Kairi collected her thoughts.

“I see...a girl with a stupid haircut because she wanted to be noticed, and only one person did and said they liked it. Her father hates it, and says it makes her look cheap, which makes her feel like she’s not worth anything.”

Tears began to form in her eyes and Ventus resisted the urge to reach for her.

Kairi took a deep breath. “I see a girl who is hungry. She’s hungry all the time because she’s young and needs food, but fears seeing another bulge, or hearing criticism about how big she’s getting and how she needs to lose weight. I see too many pounds on an already imperfect body.” Tears were falling down Kairi’s cheeks. “I see a girl who doesn’t eat because she’s afraid to gain weight and be told that once again she’s not good enough.”

She sobbed into her hand. “I see a girl whose father has never told her he loved her, or that he was proud of her, or that he thought she was pretty... I see a girl who has never been happy a day in her life, but is really good at covering it up because no one’s known until now-“

Ventus reached for her and pulled her into his arms. He couldn’t take it anymore. “Kairi, please don’t cry.” He held her tightly, an arm around her waist, while the other was in her hair, enjoying the shortness of it, teasing it with his fingers. Kairi just sobbed into his shoulder while he did his best to comfort her. The only thing he knew how to do was to hug, because when he was upset, that’s what people did for him. Ventus knew he wasn’t much good at grown up stuff, like grown up problems, but he was good at giving hugs.

Kairi cried for a long time, until his shirt sleeve was wet with tears and she was hiccupping. She pulled out of his embrace and before she could wipe her face, he was removing her tear trails with his thumbs with the gentlest touch she’d ever felt.

“Kairi. None of those things you see are true. Your twin is lying to you,” he said softly, watching his thumbs clear away her tear stains. “Not only are you more than good enough, you are loved, and you are very beautiful.”

Kairi let out a shuddering sigh and hiccupped again.

“I don’t know why you’d think my word is worth anything, and I’m not really good with words... But you really are beautiful. And I love your short hair. And this dress makes me feel weird inside. I don’t know how to explain it. You look amazing in it, and yet...I want you to wear something else so no one else can see how pretty you look. Like...I want to keep this image of you to myself.”

Kairi watched him with wide eyes. “Ven...”

“I want you to eat something. A burger. French fries. Cotton candy. Ice cream. Food is such an amazing thing and I don’t want you to deny yourself of things you need, especially for this reason. I don’t know why Xemnas doesn’t tell you how pretty you are, or how good you look, but he should. It’s his responsibility as your father to make you feel as amazing as you are.”

Kairi couldn’t take any more. “Ventus.”

“No, I mean it. Don’t reprimand me, okay? This is a serious thing. We need to take care of it. You need to take care of yourself. I’m worried about you. You can talk to me about this, if you need to… Or we can get you some help. You can’t deal with this on your own. Because you’re not alone. We’re with you, we’re your family.”

Kairi figured words wouldn’t do it. She leaned up and kissed him gently. “Ven. Stop talking.”

He couldn’t speak if he wanted to.

“No one’s ever said such kind things to me before. It makes me wonder what I did to deserve it.” She hesitated, and saw that he still couldn’t speak. “You really are happiness and sunshine rolled into one, aren’t you?”

“Uh...”

“Sorry, I probably threw you off a bit, didn’t I?” she asked. Ventus nodded.

“A little, yeah.”

“Sorry. I...couldn’t think of another way to shut you up.”

Ventus shook his head and tried to clear it. “Can we go get some fries? Like, right now?”

Kairi hesitated, but smiled upon his pleading expression.

“Alright. I guess one plate of fries won’t kill me.” 

He smiled as she took his arm, but shook his head. “We’re going to talk about this, you know?” 

Kairi sighed. “Alright.”

 

\--

Sora couldn’t move. Not because he was paralyzed, but because he didn’t want to. He could have escaped the carefully tied restraints easily, but he decided to play along with Riku’s game. He’d discovered that Riku kept a fair amount of silk in his trailer, and had been the subject of Riku trying out some new knots. Or so Riku had told him. But at the current moment, Sora was very aware that Riku had not tied him up for ‘knot practice’, but for a very different purpose. 

Riku had straddled Sora’s hips and balanced over them lightly, careful not to put his full weight on the smaller man. Sora wanted to come up with something witty to say, something to break the tension, but he couldn’t. His tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth. Riku reached for the silk around his neck and untied the piece of black cloth, licking his lips nervously as he did so.   
“...Trust me?” It had been a few days since Sora had showed up at the circus. Riku wanted to think he didn’t move quickly, but he’d taken Kairi’s advice to ‘get to know Sora better’ to heart. They’d gotten to know each other. And now Sora was beneath him, and Riku wanted to know even more.

Sora studied Riku’s face, deciding he was nervous, or shy, or something. He didn’t care. He wanted to know what Riku was up to. So he nodded. 

Riku reached down and tied the silk over Sora’s eyes, blindfolding him like Riku usually was during his performances. Sora drew in a breath as he felt Riku’s heat hovering close to his face. Riku’s face was close, he could feel his breath on his lips, but could see nothing. 

Sora felt like his lips were burning, waiting anxiously. He hoped Riku wouldn’t keep him in suspense forever. Was he going to kiss him, or was this just a game? 

“Hey, Riku...” Sora managed to choke out. 

Riku shook his head. “I don’t want you to look at me...” he whispered. Then he closed the distance between them and kissed him. 

Sora drew in as much air as he could between kisses. Behind the blindfold, he saw stars. He wanted to put his hands in Riku’s hair, but his hands were bound above his head. He was so restricted. 

Riku had to have done this on purpose. 

Sora squirmed, clenching his hands tightly above him. Riku broke the kiss and hovered near Sora’s face, his forehead against Sora’s. Sora felt Riku’s silver bangs falling on his cheeks. 

“Riku,” Sora whispered. “Untie me.” 

“No,” Riku breathed. 

“Why not? I want to touch you,” Sora protested. Riku looked at Sora, who couldn’t see him, couldn’t see the expression he was trying to hide. 

“I...can’t.” 

Sora sighed, frustrated. Riku let out a shuddering breath and leaned closer, his hands on Sora’s shoulders. 

“I just want one thing to myself, Sora. One freedom.” He kissed Sora again, gently. “I want just one moment when no one’s looking at me.” 

Sora frowned when Riku pulled away and sat up. 

“I want to look at you, Riku. Please untie me.” 

“Sorry, Sora. The moment’s passed.” Riku got up from where he’d sat and untied the silk around Sora’s wrists. In the same movement he was off his bed and across the trailer, seated at his vanity. In the reflection, he saw Sora sit up and untie the blindfold. 

Blinking, the brunet looked around for a moment, disoriented, before settling on Riku. Sora crossed the trailer and stood behind Riku, his hands on his shoulders. Riku’s expression gave away nothing of the torrent of emotion he was feeling, but he knew Sora could feel it. 

Sora’s blue eyes burned into Riku’s reflection with such intensity Riku could feel it in his stomach. 

“I will always want to look at you, Riku,” Sora whispered. He squeezed Riku’s shoulder and left the tent, closing the flaps behind him. At the vanity, Riku stared at himself, unable to move.


	4. Seduction Techniques

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axel has a plan to convince Roxas to date him.

“One of these days I wish you’d look at me instead of pretending I’m someone else,” she said softly as she gathered her clothes from the floor.

Axel’s lack of response told her all she needed to know.

“I may act like a bitch to everyone but that doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings.” 

Axel still didn’t acknowledge her. He lay on his back, staring at the roof of the tent with dead eyes.

“Just tell him, would you?”

“I already did,” Axel muttered. His admission startled her.

“So then what are you doing with me?”

“I don’t know.”

“Quit fucking around,” Larxene said softly. “If I’d known…”

“You still would have come.”

Larxene’s lips pressed together to form a tight line and she scoffed at him. Dressing quickly, she shook her head. “Never again.” She left Axel’s tent, leaving him laying in quiet stillness.

 

\--

 

Ven popped his head into the tent where Roxas lay on his bunk the next evening, reading a book with only half his attention.

“Hey. Axel’s going to do a fire dance. You should probably come and see this.”

Roxas scowled. “No.”

“Dude. Trust me, he’s doing new tricks. It’s awesome.” Ven wouldn’t take no for an answer, and pulled Roxas to his feet. “It’ll be fun!”

“I don’t… want to see him.”

“Come because I asked you to, then. Do it for me!” 

Roxas allowed his twin to drag him to the fire circle where a lot of the troupe was already seated. 

He couldn’t help but notice Axel in the middle of the circle, waiting as most of the troupe assembled. His fire dances were always popular, even among the group. He did dangerous stunts. Rumor had it that a lot of his less than favorite people were waiting to see him screw up and set himself on fire.

Aqua was sitting on a bench with a baby tiger in her lap, the tiger struggling to climb onto Terra’s lap, who sat next to her.

Kairi had held a seat open for Ventus, and waved to Roxas when they arrived together.

Roxas sat down on a bench, trying to distract himself from the fact that Axel was dressed only in those low riding black pants that made Roxas slightly uncomfortable because Axel’s hips were incredibly defined in them. 

But that wasn’t important. 

Right.

Aqua pressed play and the music started, a song with lots of bass and drums, sounding very tribal, which seemed to work well with Axel’s fire dancing. When he danced, he seemed otherworldly.

Roxas knew this dance wasn’t for everyone. He knew this wasn’t a practice. This was how Axel operated. This dance was a seduction technique. This dance was for him.

It didn’t make it any less difficult to watch, knowing it was a show for him. In fact, it made it more difficult, and Roxas could not deny his discomfort, the warmth in his face and tightness in his pants.

The crowd was loving it. Axel had taught himself some new moves, and his turns were tighter, his confidence higher. Each throw of the staff was faster, his grins a little too cocky. 

Transferring the fire to the palm of his hand without burning himself was a trick Roxas _still_ hadn’t figured out how Axel had created. Axel held the staff balanced over the top of his bare foot, balancing his body on one leg, while he held fire in both hands, trailing his hands over his bare chest, sweat glistening in the firelight, and still he did not catch fire. Still he did not look at anyone else. 

Every move was directed towards Roxas. 

When the dance finally came to an end, the magic in the air seemed to break and the troupe applauded, whistling with pride. 

Shouts of praise and appreciation sounded, and Roxas managed to avert his eyes to the floor. Ven shoved Roxas’s shoulder and grinned. “Pretty good, huh?”

“Yeah, sure,” Roxas muttered. Axel had put the fire in his hands back in the fire pit, a trick no one understood, but accepted, assuming Axel just had some sort of fire in his blood. It wouldn’t be the first time a troupe member had magic in them. 

Their music coordinator, Demyx, seemed to call the notes he needed from thin air whenever he composed new music for their acts. Perhaps that was a strange sort of magic. 

No matter.

Larxene strolled past Roxas and stopped, turning to face him. She looked down her eyelashes at him and sneered. “A man who can move his hips like that knows how to use them. Be careful.”

Roxas felt irritation at the back of his throat and couldn’t hold his tongue.“You’d know, wouldn’t you?” Roxas spat at her. Larxene recoiled as if he’d slapped her.

“It’s not like it’s news to everyone,” she growled. “But fuck you anyway, kid. You’re an asshole. I’m trying to be nice and warn you.” 

“I can take care of myself.”

“Whatever,” Larxene muttered and stalked away. 

Roxas remained seated, shaken. 

\--

Sora wasn’t sure if he was brave enough. He didn’t have a problem with heights, but how sure was he that silk could hold him in the air? 

“You do it, Riku. I’ll just watch you.”

“Don’t be stupid, Sora. I’ll teach you, it’ll be fun. Come on, you don’t have to go higher than a few feet off the ground.”

“But-!”

Riku turned to Sora and raised an eyebrow. “Come on, you big baby.”

“I’m ...not a baby,” Sora frowned. “Just...ugh, fine. Show me.”

“Okay. I’ll show you some easy stuff, just copy me as best as you can, okay?”

Riku tried to go slowly, but his body knew the movements as he wrapped the silk around his calf and created a loop for his foot. The silk supported his weight and he stepped up into it, now suspended a foot off the ground.

Sora groaned. “How the hell am I supposed to do that?”

Riku dropped to the ground with ease. Sora pouted. “Forget it.”

Riku chuckled and took the silk from Sora’s hands. “Giving up already?”

Sora broke his pout and laughed. “I just can’t do it like you can!” 

“Then let me teach you!” Riku chided gently. “Here.” Standing behind Sora, Riku put the silk in Sora’s hands and guided Sora through the moves with his own hands, making sure Sora did the moves correctly.

“Think you can manage that?” Riku asked, his breath ghosting over Sora’s ear. Sora felt tingles shoot all over his body and he nodded.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Alright. Show me.”

Riku did the same move again and stood on the silk, waiting for Sora to follow him. 

Sora took two tries, but finally made it up, balanced next to Riku. Riku grinned. “See? I knew you’d get it.”

The brunet blushed, grinning. “Still not as good as you.”

“It’s my specialty; that doesn’t mean you can’t be as good as me with practice. Anyway, do you know what your specialty is?”

“You mean my talent? Nah,” Sora said, dropping from his silk swing and watching Riku from the ground.

“You’ve gotta figure something out, or -” Riku started, climbing higher.

“I’ll be scooping poop, I know.” Sora let out a sigh. “I don’t know what I’m good at. I can...juggle, is that something you guys need here?” He chuckled.

“Can you juggle more than three things?”

“Sure, I guess.”

“Could they be...dangerous things? Like swords and stuff?” Riku asked, loosening the silks and sliding closer to the ground.

Sora gave a nervous laugh. “...I could try?”

Riku dropped to the floor lightly, hardly making a sound. “Try. Show me.”

“You have swords around?” 

“No, not at the moment, but show me you can juggle more than three things.”

Sora shook his head. “This seems like something all of you can do.”

Riku shrugged. “We don’t have a juggler, okay?”

“Do all circuses need a juggler?”

“Little kids like juggling. The older crowds would like things being juggled if they’re on fire or something.”

Sora looked startled and Riku laughed. “Not that we’ll make you juggle things that are on fire, Axel would never go for that.”

“Right, fire’s his thing. It’s _alive_ , or some crap.”

Riku smirked. “Yeah.” He walked off the stage out of Sora’s sight for a moment and returned with a box of items. “Here. There’s a lot of random small stuff in here - Show me what you can do.”

Sora picked three regular sized balls from the box and tossed them into the air, getting back into the groove. 

“I haven’t juggled in probably three years,” he said, watching the balls as they flew through the air.

“Got a good rhythm going, can I throw another one in?” Riku asked.

Sora hesitated, chewing on his lower lip before nodding. “Yeah, sure.”

Riku remained silent as Sora concentrated, eventually getting up to six balls in the air before he finally dropped one.

“You’re pretty coordinated,” Riku said when Sora had caught the others balls in his arms.

“I guess so,” Sora replied. “Is this good enough for my ‘talent’?”

“It might be. Let’s see what we can get you juggling. You need more practice, but if we can get you juggling sharp things or something, you can probably be part of the show.”

Sora grinned. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. No poop scooping for you,” Riku said with a wink. “Now come on, let’s go get some dinner. I think it’s pizza tonight.”

\--


	5. Decisions Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas finally makes his choice.

Roxas spent too much time at the lake thinking. It made Axel anxious. Anxious enough to seek him out. He found the blond at the water’s edge and startled him when he tapped him on the shoulder.

“What’s up?” Axel asked, his hands stuffed into his pockets. 

“Just thinking,” Roxas replied, turning back out to the water. 

“About what?” 

“Lots of stuff.”

“Me.”

“Yeah, you.”

Axel sat next to him and remained silent for awhile. 

“Any conclusions?” the redhead asked with a smirk. 

Roxas’s shoulders fell and he let out a heavy sigh. “I’m still thinking about it, asshole.”

“I know. I’m just getting impatient.”

“Is that why you slept with Larxene last night?”

“How do you know?” Axel asked with a frown. 

“She told me.”

Axel scowled. “What a bitch.”

“Look. I know you told me you weren’t going to wait for my decision, but if you’re going to sleep around, then I’m gonna make my mind up pretty quick.” 

Axel sighed. “Roxas-”

Roxas shook his head. “No. I’m not done. You seemed serious about me. I don’t want to start something and find out you’re fucking around with me. I can’t deal with that.”

“You’re right.”

“I know I’m right,” Roxas said with a frown. “And I’m also pissed off.” 

Axel lit a cigarette, waiting for Roxas to finish his rant.

“I’m pissed because I’m conflicted. I know how you are. I’ve seen you change your behavior many times over my time here and I’m just so _angry_ about how smug you are about it. I don’t want to be another number in your book, but… Then you kiss me, and I can’t think of anything else but the taste of cigarettes on your tongue and then I get angry again and try to forget about it, and then Ven’s telling me to come watch you dance and I want to touch you while you look at me like that and I’m so fucking angry with you at how you’re so good at doing this to me and _you know, you fucking know_ , don’t you?” Roxas paused to take a breath and was irritated with the smile that Axel was trying to suppress. 

“What?!” Roxas demanded.

“That entire dance was for you. I wanted to make you feel that way; I’m glad it worked.” Axel took a drag of his cigarette and stepped into Roxas’s personal space. “So tell me.” He blew a smoke ring and it framed Roxas’s face before dissipating. “I make you angry. What are you going to do about it?”

Roxas ground his teeth together, his eyes cold. “I want to kiss you so badly. But I know it’s a terrible idea.”

“I disagree.”

“Shut up.” Roxas took a step back, inviting distance between them, but Axel closed the distance. They remained in their dance of taking steps until Roxas’s back hit a tree and he knew he could go no further.

“Well then. What now?” Axel asked, tossing his cigarette into the rocks beneath his feet. 

Roxas pressed his lips together tightly, the skin turning white from effort. Axel grinned.

“Let me ask you something, Roxas.” The redhead put a hand on the tree above Roxas, and he leaned in closer until they were inches apart and the blond could feel the body heat radiating off Axel’s chest. Axel always seemed to burn a little hotter than the others, and perhaps that was because of the fire in his blood. Roxas wondered if kissing him and then some would transfer fire into his blood as well.

Roxas managed to force his eyes from Axel’s mouth to his eyes, glittering green in the moonlight. “What?”

Axel wore a small smile, blowing out the last of the smoke from his lungs. “Do you think about me when you jerk off?” 

Roxas paused, thinking and knowing he should get angry at the accusation, but Axel was right. 

“Fuck you,” Roxas whispered, before closing the distance between them and kissing him anxiously.

Axel reciprocated with no amount of gentleness. His was a kiss of primal instinct, desire, an animal need to absorb Roxas through their contact. He put his hands on the the blond’s hips and held tightly, fingertips pressing so hard Roxas knew they would leave marks. But he didn’t care. All that mattered was right now. And right now was delicious. Axel’s tongue tasted like cigarettes.

Everything hurt. His skin felt like it was on fire. Roxas wondered if this was what it was like to be Axel. He wondered even further what it would be like to have sex with Axel, if the fire intensified. Would it leave him burned? 

Axel’s lips left him and the fire traveled as Axel’s lips did, along Roxas’s jaw and over his neck, to the spot where Axel settled, working at the skin. The blond cursed. 

“Don’t you fucking dare, everyone will see it!” 

Axel chuckled, nipping at the skin lightly. “That’s fine. Everyone will know that you’re mine, then.”

“Don’t talk about me like I’m your possession,” Roxas grumbled. Axel moved his hands around to cup Roxas’s ass with long fingers. 

“You’re not. But I will worship you as if you are.” 

Roxas looked at Axel with hazy eyes, his hands resting on Axel’s forearms, unsure. 

“Hey, look. Back off, you said we could go slow.”

“I said a lot of things,” Axel replied with a sly grin. “But if you gave me the go-ahead I’d do you right now, against this tree.”

Roxas pushed against him lightly. “When I kissed you it was because I wanted to make out, not fuck. What have I gotten myself into?”

Axel let go of Roxas’s ass, but moved his hands back to the blond’s hips.

“Hey, just because I said I would doesn’t mean I _would_ , would. Not unless you said yeah, obviously.”

“Is that all that holds you back? A simple yes?”

“I respect your boundaries,” Axel said, stepping back and letting Roxas out from against the tree.

“We’ll see about that,” Roxas muttered, walking into the forest and back towards the circus tents.

Axel frowned after him. “Does that mean we’re a thing?” he called. 

Roxas groaned as Axel hurried to follow him, laughing.

 

\--

Kairi was hunched over a salad, her fork dangling in her hand while she sat on a bench watching Roxas and Ventus practice their trapeze act. 

Ventus stood at the top of the ladder and caught her eye. Kairi smiled at him and took a bite of her salad. Ventus winked, returning her grin. 

“Gross!” Roxas called out, wearing the same grin. 

“Shut up, you’re just jealous.”

“Of nothing, we both get hot redheads,” Roxas replied with a smirk, in a voice loud enough for only his brother to hear. Ventus shook his head. 

“Whatever man, let’s just work on our act.”

Kairi had to laugh at them. Roxas had cheered up significantly since his recent visit with Axel at the lake. Ven had explained that Roxas and Axel were going to try to work things out because despite Axel’s reputation, he still was crazy about Roxas.

Taking a few more bites of her salad, Kairi pushed the bowl away and was surprised when the fork was removed from her hand and Sora sat next to her. “You done with that?” he asked, taking the bowl from in front of her.

Riku shook his head, sitting across from Kairi. “Sorry about him.”

Sora looked at Kairi with expectant eyes. 

“Yeah, I’m done,” she replied with a laugh. Tucking her hair behind her ear, she looked at both of them. “So, what’s up?”

“Sora has a skill,” Riku said with a knowing nod. Sora’s mouth was full of salad, so he just nodded.

Kairi gasped. “No way! What is it?” 

Sora swallowed his mouthful and took another bite before responding through lettuce, “Juggling.”

Kairi hesitated. “...Riku.”

Riku shook his head, his bangs falling over his eyes. “I know, I know. Juggling isn’t a big deal. But he’s pretty good, he got up to five things without trouble. If we can get him practicing, he should be really good in no time.”

“My father won’t settle for ‘really good’.”

“Then we’ll get him to perfect,” Riku said with a wink.

Kairi blushed. 

Sora put the empty bowl back in front of Kairi. “If you’re going to leave food unattended, make sure it’s like...fried chicken or something next time, okay?”

“Not a fan of salad, Sora?” Kairi asked with a giggle. 

“It’s not my favorite.”

Riku nodded at Kairi. “You coming to Fireside tonight?” 

Kairi shrugged. “I don’t know…”

“Come on, Kairi. You’ve missed the last three.”

“What’s Fireside?” Sora asked. 

“It’s just a meeting around the bonfire where the entire troupe meets up to talk about ideas for upcoming shows, and to give praise or criticism where it’s needed. It’s a staff meeting, if we’re being honest.”

“Sounds boring.”

“It isn’t usually,” Riku said. “There’re always a couple of people causing a bit of a stir with the Ringmaster, so.”

“That Axel guy?”

“Usually.”

“Does he always cause a stir no matter what he’s doing?” Sora asked.

“It’s his way,” came a voice from behind Sora. The brunet turned to see Roxas approaching, wiping sweat from his brow. 

Sora nodded in greeting. 

“Hey Roxas,” Kairi greeted. “Good practice.”

“Thanks,” the blond said, sitting on the bench on Kairi’s other side. 

Sora leaned across the table towards Riku. “How can you tell them apart? I still can’t,” he whispered. Riku laughed under his breath as Roxas rolled his eyes.

Kairi ruffled Roxas’s sweaty hair. “You get used to it.”

Ventus approached from the other side and sat across from Kairi, next to Riku. “I’m usually smiling no matter what. But...it may be harder to tell now that Roxas is getting some.”

“What!” Kairi cried, turning to Roxas, who was blushing rather violently.

Ven grinned. “Tell us about what’s going on with your love life, bro!” 

“Did Axel finally talk you into it?” Riku asked, shaking his hair out of his eyes. The look in his eyes unnerved Roxas, and his blush dissipated.

“He didn’t _talk me_ into anything. We’re...just trying things out.”

“Well, be careful,” Riku replied. “You know how -”

“Yes, I know. Thank you. That’s why I didn’t want to say anything. I know everyone’s gonna say this to me. I’ve already gotten plenty of shit before I agreed to give this a shot.”

Riku nodded solemnly. “You know-”

“-It’s only because we care about you,” Kairi said. Her voice was soft. 

Roxas sighed. “Yeah, I guess. I know he’s got a bad rep, you guys. It’s why I took so long to decide if I wanted to give this a shot.”

“Do you even like him?” Riku asked. 

“Do you like Sora?” Roxas shot back. 

Sora frowned. “Hey, leave me out of this.”

Riku narrowed his eyes. “We’re not talking about me and Sora.”

“No, we’re not,” Roxas said. “Look. I get that you guys care. It’s awesome, and I appreciate it. But I’d appreciate it more if you guys could just be supportive.”

Kairi nodded and squeezed Roxas’s hand. “I’m happy for you. I hope it all works out well.”

“Thanks. Also thanks for making my brother so happy.”

Ventus turned red. “Hey!”

Kairi grinned. “He’s pretty amazing.”

Sora pursed his lips. “Why are we talking so openly about each others’ relationships, or whatever?”

Riku chuckled. “It’s all we have, Sora. Don’t take away our simple joys.”

Sora grinned. “I’m going to go get some real food. Anyone want to come?” 

Ventus raised his hand and jumped up from his seat. “Me! I’m starved. Come on, Kairi. I’ll get you an ice cream.”

“I already ate!” she protested, but grinned when he reached for her hand. 

Riku remained seated, as did Roxas. 

“I’ll catch up,” Riku said, when Sora raised an eyebrow in his direction.

Roxas frowned, leaning forward as soon as the others were out of earshot. “I know you have something you want to say to me. Out with it.”

Riku sighed. “Did you fuck him yet?” 

Roxas’s eyes darkened. “No. Unlike you, I decided I’d give it some time.”

Riku shook his head, hurt flashing briefly through his eyes. “It was one time. But that’s how he operates, and everyone knows it. I’m just trying to tell you to be careful.”

Roxas groaned. “You and everyone else will be saying the same thing. I’m a fucking adult, I know what I’m doing. Just because he has a shitty reputation doesn’t mean anything.”

“You think you can change him?”

Roxas hesitated. 

Riku continued. “Because if that’s what you’re thinking you have another thing coming. He already is the way he’s going to be. So don’t think you’re going to be able to ‘fix’ him. He’s not a project.”

“Are you sticking up for him?” 

“Not really. I’m telling you that he’s set in his ways. Don’t be surprised if he fucks and runs, despite what he may tell you.”

Roxas let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “I...know you’re trying to be nice, Riku… But it’s coming out really backhanded.”

“Sorry, I know.” Riku chuckled. “It was a few years ago and I still regret my decision. I can’t talk to him, we aren’t friends. We’re supposed to be. I screwed up. I don’t want you to be in the same boat.”

Roxas was quiet for a moment, digesting Riku’s words. “Thanks, I guess. I hear what you’re trying to say. I’ll be careful.”

Riku nodded. “Alright.”

 

\--  
Axel was spinning a staff nonchalantly, each end lit up with fire, when he felt a presence nearby watching him. “Spying on me?” 

“Saying hello,” came a warm voice as the owner of the voice came into view. Axel still felt warm whenever he saw her. 

“Aqua. What brings you to my circle?”

“Well, saying hello, as previously mentioned,” she replied with a laugh as she sat down on a log to watch him. 

“No one comes to talk to me unless they have news or questions, and you know everything there is to know. Talk to me, what do you hear?”

“There’s a rumor that you and Roxas are dating. Is it true?”

“Word travels fast,” he replied, glancing at her. He couldn’t read her expression; she appeared guarded.

“So it _is_ true.”

“He finally gave in to my begging, yeah,” Axel said, stopping the staff and putting out the fire. He set the staff on the ground and sat next to Aqua. “What is this about. Have you come to warn me not to hurt him like I’m sure everyone else will?”

Aqua smiled warmly. “No, I came to wish you my best. I hope things go well for you both.”

Axel returned her grin and put an arm around her, squeezing her into his side. “You know, I really wish things had worked between us because you’re a class act, you know that?”

She laughed and returned his embrace, the smoky scent of his hair a comfort. 

“I still care about you a lot. I want to make sure you’re happy.” 

Axel kissed her temple. “I’m happy. I hope to make him happy. Once he figures his shit out.”

“You’ve had a crush on him forever, I know that much.”

“Yeah.”

“Let me guess. You kissed him by the lake without his permission, got him all riled up and now he thinks he has to be with you?”

“Well. I don’t know about what he thinks, but that is indeed the order of things. Have you been spying on me?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. Aqua giggled and swatted his knee.

“No need. You’re predictable.”

“I have a routine, I guess.”

“You’ve got it memorized,” she teased. Axel laughed at her use of his familiar slogan.

“So where’s lover boy?” he asked, nudging her with his elbow.

“With the animals. Our baby tiger’s not feeling so well; she hasn’t been eating as much and he doesn’t want to leave her side.”

“How responsible.”

“Unlike you, right?” She poked him in the ribs and he squirmed. The subtle shift in the air told her it was time to go. The expression on his face told her the same.

“Anyway,” she said softly, squeezing his hand. “I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks,” he whispered. He’d felt the shift. He offered her a smile before tearing his eyes away from her. He still missed her.

 

\--

 

“So… Remember that time a little while ago when we made out in your tent and I was blindfolded?” Sora was rocking on his heels, his hands stuffed into his pockets. Riku had to laugh. 

“Yes, I remember.”

“Wondering if you were interested in doing that again because I am by like a thousand percent.”

Riku couldn’t help his smile. His hair fell over his eyes, but Sora could still see them glittering in the light of the fire. 

“I’m certainly interested,” Riku replied softly. “Did you have a specific time in mind?”

“Yesterday. Right now. Tomorrow. Every minute of every day.”

“Really,” Riku asked, amused. Sora nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah. I don’t know if you can tell, but I think you’re pretty amazing. I’m super into you and I want to kiss you a lot. All the time.”

Riku chuckled. “Well. I’m sure we can figure something out to help you out with your situation.”

“Yeah?” Sora asked, his grin growing wider. “Awesome. How about tonight after Fireside?” 

“We’ll see,” Riku replied, winking. 

“And don’t tie me up this time,” Sora added.

Riku let out a laugh, louder than intended. “We’ll see,” he repeated.

 

\---


	6. Fireside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fireside happens...and it's uncomfortable. XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheers to rockisland1911 who has left comments on every chapter so far. <3

Riku sat at his vanity and watched his reflection as he ran a comb through his hair. 

Sora lay back on Riku’s bed, reclining, watching and waiting. “So how about now.”

Riku laughed. “Sora, do you only like me for my body?”

“And your mad kissing skills. Come on, I just want to make out.”

“Be patient, we have to go to Fireside.” Riku couldn’t help his smirk. 

“Why can’t we miss Fireside? It sounds lame,” Sora whined, rolling onto his stomach and putting his chin in his hands. “Making out would be way more fun.”

Riku twisted his hair into a quick braid and secured it before leaning forward so he was just close enough to Sora to be out of his reach. “Sora, be patient. Making out was fun that time when I had tied you up, but I’d hate for you to think I’m easy. Maybe ask me what my favorite color is before you try to get my clothes off.”

Sora blushed. “That’s not all I’m here for.”

Riku turned away to put his shoes on. “No?”

Sora rolled back over to stand and put his hands behind his head. “No. I thought you were interesting from the moment I saw you, so I’m trying to get closer to you because I really like you.”

Riku smirked, feeling tingling in his cheeks. “Well then, newcomer who can juggle,” he turned to Sora and squeezed his cheek with two fingers. “Prove it to me.”

Sora grinned as they left the tent. “What’s your favorite color?”

“Blue.”

Sora laughed. “Blue! Favorite food?” 

Riku cracked a smile and shook his head. “You’re pushing it, kid.”

“I want to get to know you! My favorite color is red, but like...red red, not orange red. I like burgers best, but they’d better have onions on them, and I like onion rings better than French fries. Also, I’m a big fan of cotton candy.”

“You’re practically made to eat circus food, then.”

“You bet! But I also like noodles, and you don’t get those at the circus.”

“No, I suppose not.”

“Who will we see at Fireside?” Sora asked, having to walk slightly faster to keep up with Riku’s wide legged stride.

“Everyone. Even the Ringmaster. It’s required for everyone to be there.”

“So I’m invited.”

“Of course, dummy. You’re part of this damned troupe now. If you have a place to sleep, you’re part of our circus freak family.”

Sora liked how that sounded. “I’ve never been a part of anything cool like this.”

“We’re not as cool as you think, I bet.” Riku chuckled, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “We’re just a bunch of mismatched people who aren’t happy, just trying to get by on our talent.”

“None of you do this because you love it?”

Riku sighed, avoiding Sora’s impossibly blue eyes. “I think the only person who really loves what they do here is Aqua, one of the animal handlers. Her, and maybe Ven.”

“Ven seems happy no matter what he’s doing,” Sora muttered. “I’m kind of jealous.”

Riku nodded. “We all are.”

Sora could see the bonfire in the distance, and that a small group had started to gather around it. The brunet began to feel nervous.

Riku seemed to sense Sora’s nervousness and nudged him. “Don’t worry. Everyone likes you. Don’t worry so much about what other people think of you, okay?”

Sora sighed. “I just want to fit in...I know I haven’t been here that long and only know a couple of you, I just want to make a good impression.”

Riku shrugged. “Tell you what. A good first impression is being yourself, and being friendly. Can you manage that?”

“Of course, don’t be silly.”

Riku pulled his braid over his shoulder. “Great.” They arrived at the circle and Kairi waved to them to come sit next to her.

Kairi stood and gave Sora a hug. “How are you? Did you get any juggling practice in?” Sora was going to answer her when Kairi’s eyes moved past him to someone approaching in the distance.

Sora turned to see who Kairi was looking at and saw a blond, slim girl approaching the circle.

Her silhouetted form appeared to float through the darkness towards the glittering firelight, lighting her and making her look like an angel.

“Who is that?” Sora asked.

“Namine,” Kairi whispered.

Voices continued to chatter until one by one they began to see her. 

Sora nudged Riku’s side, whispering. “What’s the deal? Is she the psychic? Why are you so shocked?”

“She...doesn’t come to Fireside. She doesn’t come out of her tent at all.” Riku looked pale.

“Fear not, Riku. I do not come bearing ill.” The girl’s voice was sweet. Soft, like her expression. Her eyes were an impossible blue, as if lit up from inside. Dressed entirely in white, she looked ethereal.

“Why are you here?” Riku asked. Namine offered a light smile. 

“The last time you were here was when you told us Xion was going to die. Forgive us if we’re a little apprehensive,” Axel called from the other side of the fire. He glanced at Roxas, who had stiffened. “Sorry,” Axel whispered. 

Namine shook her head. “I am not here to offer death. I come bringing life. I come to meet Sora.” She turned and smiled at him. “Welcome to our strange little family.”

“Thank you,” Sora replied, frowning slightly. “Nice to meet you.”

Namine nodded at everyone who sat, now silent save for the crackling of the fire while they watched her. “Our troupe grows ever still,” she said softly. She made her way to Aqua and Terra, who sat together on a bench. 

“The baby shall be well,” Namine said. She nodded to Terra. 

Terra looked immensely relieved. “Kara’s going to be okay?” He looked at Aqua, beaming. The tiger’s name was Kara. Aqua offered a smile in return, though she didn’t look as relieved.

Namine nodded. “Yes, Aqua. She shall be.”  
  
Aqua paled as Namine leaned closer. “Life breathes within you.”

A simple sentence. Earth shattering. Aqua couldn’t breathe. 

“Fear not, Aqua,” Namine continued. “All will be well.”

Terra frowned. “Wait, are we talking about the same thing?”

Namine smiled and carried on to the next bench. 

Aqua’s hands were shaking. “I-I…” She glanced over at Axel, who gave her a small salute and what appeared to be a solemn and somewhat sad smile. He’d heard Namine’s whisper. He knew what she was talking about.

“It’ll be okay,” he said. “Explain it to the Mister though, I don’t think he’s clued in.”

Aqua turned to Terra, who was frowning. “Clued in to what? This isn’t about Kara, is it.”

How did one ever start a sentence like this. She took a deep breath and reached for his hand. “I...wasn’t sure, but...I think I’m pregnant.” 

He blinked several times before lighting up. “Really?”

“I...have to be sure, but… I think so.”

He smiled wide and wrapped his arms around her. “That’s great news!”

Aqua blinked back tears as Terra held her tightly. Axel was still watching them. He offered a smile and a wink, and then after a moment’s pause, a thumbs up. The smile didn’t reach his eyes.

Namine stopped at Roxas. “Don’t worry so much about what other people think about your decision.” She knelt in front of him. “Love is an opportunity to be a better person. Don’t let the past keep you from being your true self. Even if you choose to be with this person.”

Axel laughed. “Low blow, Madam Oracle.” Even Namine offered a shy laugh. It sounded like music.

“I must admire your desire to change, Firedancer,” Namine said. “I didn’t think you would change for anyone.” 

“Who said anything about changing?” Axel said with a smirk.

Namine just shook her head. “I wish you both well.” She turned back to where Sora, Riku and Kairi were sitting. 

“Ven looks after you, Kairi. But I must warn you-” 

“Is this something you’ll want to predict to me in private,” Kairi interrupted. She stood up. “Let me walk you back to your tent, Namine.”

“If you so desire.”

Kairi took Namine by the arm and they left the camp abruptly. 

“What. Am I going to die? You said you came bearing no ill news,” Kairi demanded.

Namine sighed. “Kairi, I know Ven is watching over you, and so is Riku, but it’s not enough. You need help.”

Kairi shook her head. “I’m getting help.”

“Do not lie to me.”

“I...Ven has been making sure I eat.”

“He doesn’t know what you hide. He doesn’t know your tricks to make it look like you ate more than you have. You need to talk to someone. Tell Master Xemnas. Talk to a professional.” They stopped outside Namine’s tent and the blonde raised her hands to Kairi’s face and looked her in the eyes. “If you don’t do this, you _will_ die.”

Kairi felt tears spring to her eyes and she tore her face from Namine’s grasp. “When.”

“I will not give you a date.”

“When!?” Kairi shouted as the tears began to fall.

“Sooner than you think. You’re committing slow suicide. They worry for you.” Namine pulled back the curtain to her tent. “As soon as possible, Kairi. Don’t make me leave here again to tell the rest of them.”

Kairi turned on her heels and stormed back to the sleeping tents, as far away from Namine as possible.

 

\--

 

Sora and Riku stopped outside of Riku’s tent to part ways, Sora nervously shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“So…” Sora asked, raising his eyebrows.

“You’re not coming in,” Riku said, amused. 

“Maybe tomorrow?”

“Probably not,” Riku laughed. “Can’t you be patient?”

Sora groaned. “I’m sure as hell gonna try.”

“Look. I like you. You’re cute and you’re funny. But I don’t want to fool around and then have you leave. You just joined the troupe. Prove yourself, you know?” Riku offered him a half smile.

Sora stuffed his hands into his pockets and sighed. “Yeah… I know.”

Riku ruffled Sora’s hair. “You’ll be fine.”

Sora nodded. “I guess. So...goodnight, then.”

“Goodnight,” Riku said and walked into his tent, closing the flap behind him, leaving Sora alone in the dim evening light.

 

\--

Sora passed one of the twins on his way to the fire pit, hopefully to practice his juggling since he had too much pent up energy and no way to spend it if Riku wasn’t interested in fooling around.

“Hey,” the blond greeted him as he passed. 

“Hey,” Sora replied. “I’m sorry, I don’t-”

“I’m Roxas.”

“Hey, Roxas,” Sora said, relieved. “Sorry. I’ll get it eventually.”

“Probably not,” Roxas said with a smirk. “Where are you off to?”

“The fire pit to practice juggling, I guess. Why?”

“Can I hang out with you for awhile?”

“Trouble in paradise?” Sora asked. Roxas shrugged.

“Nah, I just… My brother’s hanging out with Kairi in our tent and I want to give them some privacy. He doesn’t get this opportunity very often and I don’t want to screw it up for him.”

Sora smiled softly. “That’s cool of you.”

 

“Gotta look out for my baby bro. He’s sweet and pure. If I don’t look out for him, who’ll protect him from all the bad out there, you know?”

Sora shrugged as they walked together to the fire pit. “So you’re the older twin, I guess?”

Roxas nodded. “You have any siblings?”

Sora shoved his hands in his pockets and opened his mouth to answer, but closed it and shook his head. “Nah.”

“Sometimes I wonder what that’s like,” Roxas mused. “It’s just me and Ven, but… We’re twins, you know? We’re the same person, practically. I don’t really know what it’s like to be alone.”

Sora frowned. “It’s not as nice as you think.”

“I never said it was,” Roxas replied as they approached the fire pit. The fire was still blazing strong, as it generally was as long as Axel was on circus grounds.

“How does he do it?” Sora wondered out loud.

“Do what?” Roxas asked, absentmindedly. He sat on a log and picked up a stick to poke at the ground.

“Keep this fire going.”

“No one knows. The fire just...listens to him. Maybe they have some sort of agreement or something. It’s magic.”

“Someone was saying something about only a few people in the troupe having magic,” Sora said, picking up a few pebbles to juggle with.

“Yeah,” Roxas said, doodling swirls into the dirt beside his feet. “The composer, Demyx, has magic. We don’t know how it works, and he probably couldn’t tell us. He’s kind of an airhead. But when he’s composing, the music comes out of nowhere. He’s a genius in that respect.”

Sora raised his eyebrows, impressed. “That’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah. He does all the music for our shows. We don’t even need a sound system.”

“What about the others? Do any of them have magic?” 

Roxas shrugged. “There’re rumors that Larxene has lightning in her, because when she gets really angry, our power flickers. So, we wonder if she powers the generators, but… She won’t tell.”

Sora smiled. “What about Riku?”

“Nope. He’s just talented.”

Sora shook his head. “Wow.”

“You’ve got it pretty bad for him, don’t you?”

Sora was glad the cover of night hid his blush. “I guess so.”

“He likes you though. He’s giving you the time of day. Normally he spends most of his time in his tent or by himself or just with Kairi. I’m surprised he let you in so quickly.”

“...He did?” Sora asked, surprised.

Roxas nodded, throwing his drawing stick into the fire. “Kairi’s the only one who can get him to talk about himself. But lately he’s spent a lot of time with you, so. I guess he likes you a lot.”

Sora smiled gently. “That’s...well.”

“It’s good,” Roxas reassured him. “If he’s asking for space, that’s also good. Let him figure you out. He’s a good guy, Sora. He just takes things slower than the rest of us debaucherous folk.”

Sora laughed. “If you say so.”

Roxas had to smile. “Trust me. If there’s anyone who takes his time on anything, it’s Riku. He’s never made a rash decision in his life.”

“Not since me,” Axel said, coming up behind them, startling Roxas. “Sorry, didn’t mean to freak you out, babe.”

Roxas shook his head. “Nah, you just…startled me.”

Axel took a seat next to Roxas and watched Sora juggling. “What are we talking about? Sex and relationships?”

“Hardly,” Sora replied with a laugh. “Just relationships.”

“Good of you to wait until I got here to talk about the sex part,” Axel said, grinning. 

Roxas shook his head. “Piss off, Axel,” he said with a laugh. 

Axel’s grin didn’t fade. “No, seriously though. Did you want to talk about sex? I can answer any and all questions; it’s not like I’m inexperienced.”

Sora glanced at Roxas, who didn’t appear to be uncomfortable with the topic.

“We’re not there yet,” Axel said. “Geez, you think I’m that much of a whore? He only agreed to date me like… Yesterday.”

Sora blushed, embarrassment flushing his cheeks. “Sorry, I don’t know!”

“You a fuck-on-the-first-date kinda guy, Sora?” Axel asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No,” Sora replied. “Not usually.”

“But you have?”

“...Once or twice,” Sora admitted, looking at the ground. “I’m not like that anymore.”

“There’s no shame in enjoying sex,” Axel said. “Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Sora shrugged. “I guess.”

“Okay, so let me guess. You come from a religious family who shamed you for liking boys, so you decided to get on a train and run away and you happened to find a circus because that’s the most cliche thing ever that someone would write a story out of.”

Roxas had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing too loudly. 

Sora shook his head. “Close, but not quite. Religious family, yeah. Shame, yeah. I...needed to find myself.”

“What’s your story, Sora?” Axel asked gently. 

Sora looked at Axel, his eyes glittering in the firelight. “No offense, Axel, but if I was going to tell anyone first, it wouldn’t be you.”

“Fair,” Axel said, after a beat. “Everyone here already knows my story.”

“I don’t.”

“One day we’ll trade, how about that?” Axel asked, standing up and offering his hand to Roxas.

Sora nodded as Roxas stood. “You staying here for a bit, Sora?”

The brunet shrugged. “I guess. I’ll see you later.”

“See you,” Roxas agreed, walking out of the firelight and into the darkness, trailing behind Axel. 

Sora looked at the pebbles he held in his hands and for the first time since he’d gotten off the train, the stillness surrounded him. Not even the crackling of the fire comforted him. He was truly alone.

“What now?” he asked the air. 

Nothing replied, not even the fire.

\--


	7. Striving for Perfection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's kind of short today, sorry, but... Things are about to get really intense. Chapter 8 is long, and is the actual circus show, so bear with me! :D Thanks for reading!

Riku didn’t understand why Xemnas was doing this to him now. He’d never put this sort of pressure outside of the show on him like this. So why start now? Because Sora was new? An outsider? Did Xemnas think he couldn’t be trusted? What sort of threat could a runaway possibly be to a circus act?

Xemnas tried to offer him sympathy.“I understand you are enjoying his company, Riku. I really do. I just don’t want you to be taken away from the work you need to do.”

“I’m not allowed to have any fun, am I?” Riku asked, not looking at the older man.

The ringmaster sighed. “Riku, you’re like a son to me. I’m just telling you that it’s easy to become...distracted by this new boy.”

“Distracted,” Riku spat. “You think I’d let someone interfere with my work? If anything I’m surprised you’re not encouraging it because it might make me more relaxed, which is what you’ve been demanding lately.”

“Riku-”

“No! I’m tired of your demands, Xemnas. I know I’m your star attraction; you make it very clear how important I am to your show. But that’s just my act. Maybe you need to realize that I’m also a person before I’m a circus act.”

“I know you are a person, Riku. Don’t you ever assume I don’t realize that. I warn you only because I don’t want you to waste your potential.”

“Waste,” Riku muttered, the word bitter on his tongue. “I’m sorry you think I’m a waste, then.”

“I did not say that,” Xemnas said, pacing. 

Riku shrugged. “You may as well have. I’m trying really hard, Xemnas. I really am. Can you just...back off a bit?”

“I cannot, Riku. You know I cannot.”

Riku shook his head, shoulders tight. “Fine.”

Xemnas gestured to the tent opening to signal Riku it was time to leave. “Remember what I said about the boy.”

Riku walked past him and said nothing.

\--

 

“This is unexpected,” Sora said with a grin as Riku pulled him inside. Sora was pleased to see Riku was only dressed in loose pants.

“Shut up, we don’t have a lot of time.”

 

“Why not?”

“Just shut up,” Riku pleaded, bringing Sora against his body. There were candles lit in the tent which, seemed hazardous, but also appeared to be setting the mood. Riku wanted him to be here. 

“Are we making out now, or-?” Sora asked. He didn’t get a verbal answer, but instead found Riku’s mouth on his own, desperate, hungry. Riku’s thin fingers raked over Sora’s back, over his t-shirt, then clinging to it, pulling at the fabric. 

Sora decided it best not to question. He returned the kiss, and reached his hands up for Riku’s hair to undo his braid. Tangling his fingers in Riku’s hair, Sora gasped when Riku broke their kiss and dragged his teeth over the thin skin of Sora’s neck, biting, tasting. 

Sora felt Riku smile when he couldn’t hold back his gasps, his quiet cries. They hadn’t even made it to the bed yet. 

Riku’s insistence to get over there as soon as possible was apparent, as he led them with shuffling steps, not wanting to waste any time getting acquainted with all of Sora’s available skin. 

Pushing Sora to sit on the bed, he reached for the brunet’s shirt and pulled it over his head. He smiled gently, yet there was a fierce desire behind his eyes, something that pierced Sora and made him feel both desirable and incredibly vulnerable at the same time.

Sora could already feel Riku hard against his leg as he climbed over Sora, pulling the brunet’s leg around his waist. 

“Where is this coming from?” Sora asked as Riku settled his weight over him. 

“If it’s a problem, we can stop, but I really don’t want to,” Riku muttered, moving his mouth over Sora’s collarbones, trailing kisses, stopping to suck, to bite, to taste. He teased a nipple with his teeth, grinning at the cry he received for his efforts. 

“No, please don’t stop,” Sora gasped, digging blunt fingernails into Riku’s shoulders, finding his hair and tangling his fingers into it. 

“Excellent,” Riku concluded, tracing his tongue over Sora’s flat stomach. “You’re stunning.”

Sora could hardly conceal his soft groan, closing his eyes. “Riku, I-” 

“It’s okay, I don’t want to talk.” Riku’s grin was absolutely delicious. Sora reached for him, pulling him back up to his face. 

“Kiss me,” Sora whispered. “I need you to kiss me.”

Riku was more than willing to oblige, kissing Sora so deeply he swore he saw stars. His tongue tasted like dreams, taking him to another world where only the two of them existed, amongst candlelight and stars, the scent of fire in the distance, the scent of Riku’s hair filling his breath, his soul.

Sora wrapped his other leg around Riku’s waist, holding on as tightly as he could manage, difficult as it was. His legs were nearly jelly. 

Riku’s fingers dug into Sora’s side, raking down his ribs, and Riku drank in each gasp for breath, each soft moan as he slowly ground his hips against Sora’s, biting his own lip to keep silent. With each movement, each increase of friction, Riku felt his control slipping away. Just once he wanted to let go of it entirely. This was exactly what he was after.

Sora’s face was flushed, his eyes glassy as they paused between kisses to look at each other, to actually look at each other. Riku’s expression softened. “Hey.”

Sora’s smile was soft in return. “Hey, Riku.”

“This okay?” Riku asked. He rested his hand on Sora’s chest and propped himself up on his opposite elbow. 

Sora nodded. “This is more than okay. We can keep going if you want.”

Riku chuckled. “I...think you can tell that I want to.”

Sora blushed. “Well. Me too. It’s not a secret.”

“No, certainly not.” Riku leaned in and kissed Sora gently. “What would you have me do?”

Sora smiled against Riku’s lips and broke away just enough to share his breath. “Touch me. Please, Riku, I want you to touch me.”

Riku supposed he wasn’t surprised. It would have come to this eventually. He just hadn’t expected it to happen within a week of meeting Sora. But he didn’t have regrets, not now, with said young man writhing beneath him, his face flushed as he panted for him, gasping with every touch. 

Riku reached for Sora’s belt and laughed. “Help me, this is confusing.” 

Sora joined in his laughter and undid the belt, and also the button of his pants with swift fingers. “Sorry.”

“Jeez, you think you’d be prepared for this sort of situation the way you bugged me about it all the time,” Riku joked. He leaned back in to kiss Sora as he unzipped the brunet’s pants. Sora decided he was taking too long and pushed Riku off him, untangling their embrace for a moment while he pushed his jeans over his hips and onto the floor with a soft clatter.

“Nervous?” Sora asked, not sure how to approach the subject of Riku’s slightly unsteady hand. “You don’t have to be. I want to do this. I want to do this with you. Don’t let anything hold you back,” he assured him. Sora pushed himself up on an elbow. “You’re not on display for anyone. It’s just you and me.”

Riku looked Sora in the eyes and frowned, silent for a moment. “You…”

“It’s just you and me,” Sora repeated. He pushed his boxers over his hips and dropped them onto the floor next to his jeans. 

Riku looked him over, his smile faint. “Like I said before, you’re stunning.”

Sora returned the smile. “How can I compare to a star?” he asked, kissing Riku’s hair. “Don’t be nervous.”

Riku turned his face back to Sora and met his mouth, his kiss emotional, still hungry as his hand trailed over Sora’s stomach, brushing his fingers lightly over his erection, earning a sharp intake of breath from the brunet. “Riku, please…”

Riku wrapped his fingers around Sora’s length and kissed him again. Sora tried his best to keep his hips still, but Riku felt so good, even though his grip was slightly unsure. 

“Ngh, Riku, you’re doing great,” Sora gasped, lying back into Riku’s pillows and closing his eyes. Riku shifted slightly so he could watch Sora’s face while he worked his hand, steadily increasing his pace to match Sora’s breath, his soft whimpers. 

Sora came without warning. It startled Riku, and Sora quickly apologized, blushing in embarrassment, but getting over it quickly as his body fell limp. Riku grabbed a cloth from behind him to clean up and then climbed over Sora to stand next to the bed.

“Give me a few minutes and I’d love to return the favor,” Sora murmured, his eyes still closed. 

Riku smirked. “We don’t have time.”

“Why not?”

“I have to practice.” 

“So we don’t even get to cuddle?” Sora joked, opening his eyes. “I’m super good at cuddling.”

“I’m sure you are,” Riku said. “But if I don’t get to practice on time, Xigbar will come looking for me and are you sure you want him to find us like this?” 

Sora laughed. “I don’t care what happens right now. The world could blow up and I’d just stay right here.”

Riku had to laugh. “Fine. You stay here. I’ll go to practice.”

“With a terrible case of blue balls. Come here, Riku. It won’t take long.”

Riku’s smile was forced, Sora could see it in his eyes. “I really need to get going to practice.”

“Dude. I can see your boner from here, come over here!” 

Riku grabbed a shirt that was draping over the chair at the vanity, and threw it on before twisting his hair into a messy knot at the back of his head. “It’s cool, Sora. I’ll be fine. I’ve gotta go.”

Before Sora could protest again, Riku was gone.

Sora was naked and exhausted on Riku’s bed and Riku was gone.

“...Did I say something wrong?” Sora wondered aloud. He lay still for another moment before taking a deep breath and reaching for his clothes. Despite how strangely it had ended, he’d never experienced a spark like that with another partner. 

He just had to figure out what Riku’s deal was.

 

\--

 

Kairi found Riku outside the Big Top and stopped him before he went inside. “Riku, were you just with Sora?”

Riku froze. He’d calmed down some, but...was it still noticeable?

“Yeah, why?” 

“Just wondering. I saw him coming back from your tent area and he was blushing pretty hard.” 

Riku breathed a sigh of relief. “Yeah, uh. We uh...kinda made out again.”

“Again!? You mean there was a first time?” She poked him in the ribs. “You men. All of you circus folk are only focused on one thing.” 

Riku smirked. “All of us? You’re part of that, you know?” 

“I know,” she said with a chuckle. “You heading to practice?”

“As if he could show up on time,” Xigbar said in the doorway, hearing the tail end of their conversation. “Come on, Riku. Time’s a’ wastin’!”

Riku rolled his eyes. “See you later, Kairi.”

She waved to him and wandered towards the animal keep. Perhaps Aqua and she could talk about baby things.

 

\--

Practice was well underway and Axel was late. Axel was never late, but this was an exception. He was tired today.

Keeping Roxas happy was exhausting. Maybe Roxas drew his energy from his twin. Was that a thing? 

Axel yawned, hurrying to the big top for practice, even though he know it was trapeze practice right now anyway.

Hurrying down the aisle, he saw a familiar blond head watching the rafters carefully. He smiled, his stomach warm with anticipation.

“Hey babe,” he greeted the blond, leaning in to kiss Roxas in greeting. 

He knew right away, despite the fact that his chaste kiss was returned, and he broke away, laughing to himself. “Hi Ven,” he chuckled. 

Ventus grinned, blushing slightly. “Sorry. You knew we were going to do that to you sooner or later.”

“It’s true, you got me.”

Axel looked up into the rafters and saw Roxas doubled over with laughter. 

“I will end you!” Axel called. 

Sora was dragging the blue mats onto the main floor, Larxene was settling into her chair in the rafters for lighting. Off to the side of the stage, Axel saw Riku waiting patiently, having changed into black leggings, his hair in a braid. 

“Aqua’s coming up behind us in a few minutes,” Ventus explained. “Can you help Sora with the mats really quick?” 

Axel nodded. Time for practice.

 

\--

A few hours passed and Axel lingered in the doorway a little too long before Aqua sensed him and told him to come in without turning around while she offered some lettuce to one of the rabbits. 

“I can feel you looking at me, Axel. Come inside.”

Axel still didn’t say anything. 

Aqua finally turned to face him and smiled. “How are you?”

Axel watched her in silence, saying more by not saying anything. Aqua sighed. 

“Talk to me.”

“How long did you know?” he whispered.

“Why are you upset,” she asked softly, sitting down on a nearby chair, her eyes suddenly full of hurt.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I shouldn’t be. I should be so happy for you, but… I’m not.”

“This isn’t about you,” she reminded him, blinking back tears. “Please don’t start this, okay?”

“Start what?” 

“This. Whatever ‘this’ is. You finally get Roxas and then you start acting all weird towards me again and...Axel, I will always love you, but this can’t be a regular occurrence.”

Axel closed his eyes, refusing to look at her. “I...wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine. I’m happy. I love Terra, he loves me. We love each other, and we’re very excited.”

Axel turned away from her. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have even come here.”

Aqua frowned, wanting to comfort him but remained seated.

“Axel, go…talk to Roxas. Just be with him. You know how people talk around here, I don’t want you to get into any trouble.”

The redhead sighed. “You...are happy though, right?”

“Yes.”

He paused at the door on his way out. “Good.”

 

\--


	8. Showtime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Step right up, see wonders the likes of which you've never seen before...

“Okay everyone, the show is next week! Flyers have been posted all over town, and people are buzzing about it. It’s going to be a big deal. I want everyone in top form. This will be an important show for us.”

Riku rolled his eyes as Xemnas tried to get the troupe excited. Some of them were excited, to be honest, but he saw it all as a chore more than anything else. Time to perform in front of more people who didn’t give a shit about him and saw him as an object.

He glanced at Sora who was grinning with excitement. Okay, fine. Maybe Riku could try a little harder to be excited. But only for him.

\--

The show was in two days.

No one felt ready, even though most of them probably were. Axel didn’t show his worry in his performance, but was smoking a lot more than usual. It probably didn’t help that Aqua wasn’t speaking to him. 

Larxene had given up yelling at people and chose instead to stop talking altogether.

Roxas and Ventus practiced their set twice a day and still weren’t convinced.

Sora, on the other hand, was over the moon. He practiced multiple hours a day, ready to impress. He wasn’t being put directly into the show, and instead was going to be outside to entertain the kids as they walked around after the show in the Big Top.

Even Namine had made an appearance, walking into the Big Top with a shawl around her shoulders, the top of it tucked over her head to cover her hair. When people noticed her, they stopped speaking, gaining a sort of quiet reverence as she approached.

She offered gentle smiles to every person. “I’m not here to bear ill. I am here to wish good fortune.” 

She stepped up to Riku who was sitting on the edge of the stage, doing some warm up exercises. “Hello, Riku.”

“Hello Namine,” he greeted. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?” 

“Do not offer me your sarcasm, sky dancer. I have come to tell you to do your best. Even though you may not feel it is enough for him, Xemnas sees how hard you’re working.”

Riku sighed, his eyes full of emotion. “I wish he’d show it.”

“As do I,” she offered. She reached up and patted his knee. “Good luck.”

“Thanks, Namine,” Riku whispered. 

“Good evening.” 

Larxene shone the light on Riku at the edge of the stage. “Hey!” she shouted from the rafters. “Are you getting up there, or what?!”

Riku sighed. So much for the peace and quiet.

\--

Sora was excited, but behind his excitement lay another emotion he didn’t know how to address. He was nervous.

What if he saw someone he knew? He’d come a long way from home, but… What if it wasn’t far enough? The dazzle of circus life had appealed to him since he was a child, and to find himself actually part of a circus was mind-boggling. But still. What if _he_ came?

Sora dropped two of the things he was juggling and they hit him in the head on the way down. 

Kairi laughed. “Woah, careful, you big bum!” 

Sora returned her smile and laughed. “My bum is small, thank you very much.” He scooped up the things he’d dropped and sighed, hesitating before sending them up in the air again to resume his juggling practice. 

“What were you thinking about that made you lose your focus?” Kairi asked. She saw him falter again, but this time he didn’t drop the items.

“Past stuff?” 

“Sort of,” he admitted.

“Look, Sora. We all have personal demons. We just...have learned how to hide them. You’re gonna have to learn as well, or else my father will find out.”

Sora shrugged and caught the items. “Yeah, well. My demons are still around, sure. They just...could hurt me. These aren’t exactly demons I can get away from.”

“What do you mean?”

“I ran away from home, and in a totally cliche move, joined the circus,” Sora explained. Kairi frowned, crossing her arms. 

“So there are people at home you had to get away from?” 

“Yeah. I just...don’t want to be found, I guess.”

Kairi sighed. “We’ll keep you hidden as best as we can.”

\--

In the end, Kairi brought Sora to Riku and explained the situation. Riku stood patiently and waited for Sora to start talking.

“His name’s Vanitas. He’s my twin brother.” Sora stood, his hands in his pockets, his head sagging against his chest. 

“No kidding. So all that bit about not being able to tell our twins apart must be complete bullshit?” Riku asked. “You can probably tell no problem.”

Sora’s cheeks reddened, but he didn’t lift his head. “...Yeah.”

“Sora. Why did you have to get away from him?” Riku asked softly. 

The brunet sighed. “He’s...dangerous.”

“Dangerous how. I need to know what to look out for if he shows up.” Riku put his hands on Sora’s shoulders and waited for Sora to meet his eyes. “Will he hurt you?”

Sora licked his lips nervously. “It’s possible.”

“Has he hurt you before?” Riku asked. 

Sora nodded, tearing his gaze from Riku’s worried face. 

“Sora. Did you tell anyone?”

“I don’t have anyone to tell. It’s...just us left.”

“You don’t have parents?” Riku squeezed Sora’s shoulders lightly.

“Not anymore.”

“...I’m sorry.”

“I’m sure a good portion of this troupe is orphaned,” Sora said. “Right? Isn’t that what happens? Orphans run from their shitty life to join a circus?”

Riku chuckled and kissed Sora’s forehead. “You have a lot of preconceived notions about the circus, don’t you?”

“I may have romanticised it a little,” Sora admitted. 

“Okay. Well, I’m going to make sure that if Vanitas does show up that you’ll be kept safe. Do you mind if I tell Axel about it?”

“Why?”

“Because though we don’t get along great, he gives a shit about everyone here. We’re his family. And he’s the best we’ve got at kicking ass. Never get into a fight with him. He’s not afraid to break bones.”

Sora laughed. “I guess. Can he keep it...quiet? I don’t want to be the kid with the abusive brother.”

“You think that’s the craziest shit we have?” Riku asked with a wink. “The things these people have been through would make your skin crawl.”

Riku slung an arm around Sora. “Come on. Let’s go have a chat with Axel.”

\--

“Woah, you serious?” Axel asked, tossing another fireball into the air and catching it with his bare hand. 

Sora shrugged. “Yeah. Don’t laugh at me, okay?” 

Axel frowned. “Why the fuck would I laugh at that? That’s not cool at all. I’ve got tons of emotional shit. Lots of baggage. No judgement, dude.”

Sora smiled. “Thanks, Axel.”

“So tell me what he looks like. You guys identical?”

“Yeah. His hair is darker, and his eyes are a different color, but otherwise we’re...exactly the same.”

Sora didn’t feel like describing his brother’s wicked grin, and the maliciousness in his eyes. The way his teeth always glinted before was about to do something for his own personal gain.

“Cool. I got it. If I see him, I’ll kick his ass.” 

Riku grinned. “See, Sora? I told you Axel’s got your back.”

Sora nodded. “I just...don’t want to be a burden.”

“Dude, don’t be a shit. Just say thanks and we’re good.” Axel offered his hand. “I look after you guys. I know I’m a dick most of the time, and it’s true, but that doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit about all of you. Over time I’ve just kinda...become a big brother figure.”

“The kind who’d buy you cigarettes and get you drunk if you asked him to,” Riku offered. 

Axel shrugged. “I never said I was a good big brother. Sure, I’m a terrible influence, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t kick someone’s ass for you if they were giving you a hard time.”

“Thanks,” Sora said. “I mean it.”

“I hope it doesn’t have to come to an ass kicking,” Axel said, lighting a cigarette by snapping his fingers in front of it. “Now get out of here, the show’s tomorrow and I’ve got a ton of new shit to perfect.”

 

\---

Opening Night. The air was abuzz with excitement, and everyone was running about the grounds with purpose.

Finishing touches on makeup and hair were being perfected, outfits pulled on, crowds surging towards the entrance. Behind the stage, Axel was grinning with excitement, his palms buzzing with energy. He was ready.

Was everyone else? 

Roxas and Ventus dashed past him in a hurry to get to their places, when Axel grabbed Roxas’s wrist to stop him. “Wait! Good luck kiss.”

“Dude, serious?” 

Axel grinned, his eye makeup crinkling in the corners of his eyes. “Kiss me, you dumbass.”

Roxas laughed and leaned up for a quick kiss. “Good luck.”

“Knock ‘em dead, babe.”

“I’ve got it memorized,” Roxas replied with a wicked grin. 

Axel shook his head as Roxas walked away, frustrated. “Don’t you dare do this to me and then walk off!”

“Save it for after the show, you bunch of twinks,” Riku said with a laugh. 

“Eat a dick, Riku,” Axel said, laughing. He slapped Riku on the back. “But for real. Let’s kick some ass.”

They shook hands and Axel winked at Riku as he saw Xemnas approaching. 

“Ready, Team?” Xemnas called. He was dressed in his best, coattails nearly dragging on the ground behind him. A few steps behind him stood Kairi, in a red dress and lipstick, prepared to be sawed in half. 

Riku grinned at her and she blushed.

Axel let out a whoop. “Let’s kick some ass!” Xemnas shot him a glare, and Axel quickly added, “Let’s kick some ass, _Sir._ ” 

The surrounding group laughed and Xemnas had to offer a small smile. “We’ve all worked so hard to get here. Let’s impress our audience.”

Xemnas nodded at Axel. “You know what to do, Axel.” 

Axel offered him an informal salute and sauntered through the curtain to the side of the stage. 

Xemnas’s voice echoed over the speakers. “Ladies and Gentleman, Children of Every Age! Prepare for sights the likes of you have never seen in your life! Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!” 

Axel stood at the side of the stage in complete darkness. All he could see was the light from ushers’ flashlights as they waited for the show to start before they could escort latecomers to free seats. 

He couldn’t see, but he could feel. He felt the electricity of the air, the excitement of the people, the fire in his veins. He was ready. All he needed was the music cue from Demyx.

The music started with a bang, before dramatic violin tore through the air. Axel punctuated the music with flame, sending balls of fire through the air and along the ground, circling himself with the flame to light his whereabouts for the crowd to see. He wasn’t very visible, but the eyeliner glinted with the light of the flame, and he knew he looked perfect, ethereal. Dangerous.

He danced with the flames, circling around the bottom of the stage, performing a little before sending pillars of fire to each side of the stage. Time to introduce the others.

Roxas and Ventus flew through the centre, releasing the trapeze bars and completing somersaults in the air before swinging to the other side, swinging through again to meet each other, when Riku slid down the middle of the open air, wrapped in silk and blindfolded, backlit with blue light. 

Axel toned down the fire as the blue light increased, and other troupe members danced on the stage near him, aware of his flame, his fire respecting their space. As the other members would exit the stage, Axel continued to dance, feeling the crowd’s eyes on him, soaking up their excitement. He grinned, the fire flickering with his joy. This crowd was his.

The music drew to a close and Axel drew his fire back to himself, circling his body before he bowed. 

The crowd went wild.

Axel turned off the flames and ducked off stage where Xemnas frowned at him. “Good, good… But please try to remember this isn’t The Axel Show.”

Axel grinned and patted Xemnas on the cheek. “C’mon, Boss Man. They loved me. Listen to them! Can you top that opening?” 

“Let’s just get on with the show,” Xemnas said with what sounded like softness in his voice. Well, perhaps Axel was right.

\--

The rest of the show went smoothly, but Xemnas knew what the crowd wanted. They’d heard rumor of this Sky Dancer and they’d come for him.

Well. Maybe it was time they met him. 

Demyx changed the music as the last performer exited the stage and looked to the rafters for Riku’s cue. Larxene adjusted the lighting to a dull blue, and Riku sent a thumbs up to Demyx before sliding on his blindfold. It was time.

More violin split through the air, as sheets of silk slid down, suspended in varying locations across the stage. The crowd gasped. They knew what time it was. 

Fog ghosted across the ground, and Riku descended slowly, supporting himself with one leg. The silk caressed Riku as he worked over it, slow, sensual in his movements, knowing that he had to trust in himself or it was over for him. 

As the music picked up, Riku wound himself in the silk, transferring from silk to silk until he seemed to be flying across the stage in time with the music. Letting go, he rolled and rolled, stopping himself just as he was about to hit the ground, parting the fog and revealing that the ground was now covered in water. He released the silks as well as himself and splashed onto the ground, Demyx manipulating the water to stay risen as it was disturbed, while Riku bowed and exited the stage. 

The lights remained a dull blue as new music began to play and a large ring came from the ceiling. From the rafters, Roxas covered his mouth in shock. No. Not a chance. 

“Don’t do this to me,” he whispered. Ventus frowned, unable to comfort his brother from the rafters across the stage. 

Stilling his fire, Axel watched from the side as Aqua walked to the ring and took it in her hands, untying it. She stepped onto the ring and with the momentum of her body, propelled it to dance with her. 

This wasn’t a usual rings show, this was something entirely different. This was ballet, this was an art none of them had the patience to learn. 

With beauty and grace that rivalled Riku’s, Aqua moved with the ring around the stage, disturbing the water around her as she whirled between the silks that remained hanging. 

The music drew to a close and she tied the ring back in its original position and stood on it as it lifted her up into the rafters where she found Roxas waiting, blinking back angry tears.

“How dare you!?” he hissed. “Why didn’t you tell me first?”

Aqua offered an apologetic smile as best she could. “I’m sorry, Roxas. We’ll talk about this after the show, okay?”

Ventus had crossed the rafters and grabbed Roxas’s hand as Aqua turned away from his twin. “Dude, hey. Snap out of it, we have to get on stage.”

Roxas swiped his hand over his face, smearing his makeup, but he didn’t care anymore. He just had to bow and force a smile and then he could demand his answers. 

Right now he had to focus on pleasing the crowd.

The bows went smoothly and the curtains closed on the show as the crowd dispersed to mill about and meet the cast, be entertained by Terra’s animals and Sora’s juggling, and various other entertainment. 

Behind stage, Roxas was trying to keep his cool.

“Can we talk about this in private?” Aqua asked softly as Roxas allowed his tears to flow freely. 

“I thought we’d agreed the rings - _any rings_ would never be a part of this show ever again? I thought we did this to honor her! How dare you, Aqua! I’m...it’s still hard to deal with every day, I still…” He hiccuped and Ventus patted his back. 

“He’s still in mourning.” 

“We all are,” Axel said softly, walking up to them. “I know no one misses her as much as you do, Roxas, but… Aqua did an amazing tribute piece to her just now. I’m sure Xion would be proud.”

Roxas ground his teeth. “No, fuck you, Axel! Don’t you say her name!”

Axel didn’t take his anger to heart but instead wrapped his arms around Roxas, until the blond was crying against his chest. “I know, I know…”

“It’s like...she was back there on stage, and I...have gotten so used to not seeing her. I can’t handle that.”

“I’m sorry, love,” Axel whispered, stroking Roxas’s hair. “I know Aqua didn’t do it to upset you. We all miss Xion. And I’m sorry it turned out this way.” Roxas was beginning to calm down. The other members of the troupe had decided it best to avoid an awkward situation and had cleared out to meet members of the audience outside, leaving Roxas, Axel and Ventus behind. 

“You and Aqua need to talk about this, okay? Maybe later when you’ve had some time to breathe.” Axel let go of Roxas and put his hands on either side of his face. “Okay?”

Roxas, eyes puffy and cheeks stained with tear tracks, sniffled before nodding. “...Okay.”

Ventus offered his brother a worried smile before offering his hand. “Gonna make it, bro?”

“Sorry. I guess that was pretty embarrassing.”

“Nah, it happens.”

Axel grinned. “You boys ready to meet your adoring public?”

“I know you are. What the heck was that about with all that hip shaking and stuff at the beginning?” Ven asked with a grin as they walked outside.

Axel laughed. “Gotta entice ‘em. It’s all part of the show.”

“The Axel Show, like Xemnas said,” Roxas muttered. It wasn’t moments before crowd members recognized them and headed straight for them for questions and pictures.

A few feet away, Aqua held Kara the baby tiger and urged some young children to pet her softly when she looked up and met Axel’s eyes as if to ask how it had gone. 

Axel shrugged and nodded. “He’ll be okay,” he mouthed. Her relieved smile filled his stomach with warmth. Maybe it really would be okay.

\--


	9. Chapter 9

Xion hadn’t been that confident of a girl to begin with. She was unsure of herself, unsure of her performance, but when she was around Roxas, she seemed as if she could do anything. 

She was the troupe’s rings performer, doing flips and stunts and generally showing off her strength whenever she was suspended in the air, connected only to two rings of metal.

Roxas didn’t assume he’d lose her. Most people assume circus performers who die in the circus die due to injuries.

Xion died because she got sick.

Roxas hadn’t noticed much at first, not to mention Xion hadn’t told him anything. She’d started coughing a bit more, which wasn’t a surprise to anyone, as the girl had asthma. Roxas brushed it aside and kept helping her with practice. He didn’t notice her weight start to diminish. Slowly the girl he loved more than the circus, the girl he loved almost as much as his very own twin, was whittling away into nothing.

The first time he noticed was when they had finally had some time to be alone down by the lake. As Roxas held her close by the light of the moon, he noticed how small she’d become and asked if she was alright. He apologized that he hadn’t noticed. Then he grew concerned as she began to cry.

She explained to him that she was sick. She’d been sick for a long time and she wasn’t sure if she was going to be getting better. 

He didn’t know what to do, or what to say. So he held her while she cried and told her after a long while that no matter what, he was there for her.

And so began their last days together. Xion’s sickness took over her quickly after her admission. She’d told Xemnas prior to Roxas, and he told her that going home to her family was the best idea. 

She then told him that the circus was her family and that she would be passing among them if that was alright.

Roxas spent all his waking moments with Xion as the circus put its needs on hold to be there for Xion as well. People visited her as she began to spend her days in bed, doing crafts with her, reading to her, talking and telling jokes to make her laugh.

Roxas tried to smile, but found himself angry. A doctor had come to see Xion, and after much time spent with her, had taken her into the city for tests, returning her to them later in the evening from the city telling her he’d return with her results in a few days.

With those few days brought doubt, fear, and uncertainty. The days that passed brought the doctor back to their troupe, and with him he brought a Folder. The Folder had a Paper with Xion’s Condition on it.

Roxas didn’t want to know. Xion had already seemed to have given up. Her eyes had dark bags beneath them, her weight near to nothing, her body a shadow of what it used to be, once so full of strength.

Xion had heart failure. She’d had it since she was a little girl and had known the entire time, but had led a healthy life to keep it under control. But now she was dying. Her heart was tired.

Roxas was also tired. He stopped trying to be happy in front of her and instead spent his nights next to her, crying when she fell asleep, trying his hardest to be strong for her until she’d wake up to find him in tears and kiss his cheeks, telling him not to be upset.

“The time I’ve spent with you has made all of this worth it,” she whispered to him as he dissolved into more tears.

He told her he loved her and held her tightly until they both fell asleep.

She did not wake up in the morning.

The troupe agreed that no one needed the rings up anymore, and so they took them down and decided their act didn’t need a rings performance. It would be disrespectful to Xion’s memory.

After a little while the troupe recovered, got back to practicing as hard as ever for shows and found a way to work around the space that Xion once occupied.

Roxas never really recovered from losing his first love.

\--

“I’m sorry, Roxas. I didn’t mean to disrespect you.” Aqua’s eyes were full of emotion. 

Roxas glared at the ground. “It wasn’t me you disrespected. I know you didn’t mean it that way, but you disrespected _her_. We said we’d never do anything with rings anymore; it’s like you did this on purpose to hurt me.”

“Roxas, you know that was never my intention!” Aqua said, her voice soft. They spoke at the fire pit, their voices soft as the flames spoke louder, crackling into the dimming sky.

“I just…” He let out a heavy sigh. “I thought I was getting over it. I know it’s been awhile since she...passed, but I still dream about her. Sometimes I swear I can smell her hair when I’m lying in bed at night. I know I’m supposed to be over this. I know I’m trying to make things work out with Axel now, but… Sometimes she just haunts me.”

“Losing someone you care about is never easy,” Aqua said, patting Roxas’s knee. “I’m sorry I tore open those wounds. I never meant to offend, or to hurt you so much. I hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me.”

Roxas nodded. “Yeah… I will. I mean damn, Aqua. You don’t have a mean bone in your body, I guess.”

She chuckled. “I hope not.”

The blond offered a gentle smile. “Did Axel talk to you?”

Aqua froze. “About what?”

“Come on. I know he’s upset about the baby.”

Aqua moved her hands to her stomach and frowned. “He didn’t...say that.”

“He thinks I’m stupid. He thinks I don’t see how he still looks at you.”

“Axel and I are long over,” Aqua said. “You know that too, don’t you? I would never-”

“Aqua. You don’t threaten me if that’s what you’re worried about. I worry about him. He needs to figure his own shit out.” 

Aqua laughed. “You guys are going to have a pretty violent relationship, aren’t you?”

“We already argue all the time,” Roxas admitted.

“He smokes a lot more than he used to,” Aqua said. Roxas nodded in agreement.

“Yeah..”

“But you want to know what else?” she asked, leaning close. Roxas raised an eyebrow.

“I’ve never seen him so happy. He laughs a lot. Real laughter, too. You know what his fake laugh sounds like. This is nothing like that.”

Roxas’s expression softened. “...You think?”

“I know,” she said. She stood, leaning over to kiss Roxas’s forehead. “I’m sorry again for what happened.”

Roxas nodded and watched the flames as Aqua headed back to her tent to practice more with the animals.

\--

 

Riku couldn’t help but find Sora’s blush endearing. Sora, whose adorable butt was clad in this adorable fucking shorts. Sora who’d offered to fold his laundry.

Sora who was matching Riku’s socks for him, smiling faintly.

It was all Riku could do not to push Sora onto his bed and kiss him, if only just to taste that smile.

But he didn’t because he had work to do. He just wasn’t doing it. His work was in the Big Top with Xigbar, but how could he go practice when Sora’s Cute Butt was staying behind folding his clean clothes? He’d have to make it up to him later.

Or now. Now was good.

“You’re quiet,” Sora commented. 

Riku shrugged, writing something down in a notebook. “Thinking, I guess.”

“About what?”

“How you’re folding my laundry and I’m not kissing you and that’s terrible.” 

Sora moved the laundry basket to the floor and sat on the bed, grinning his terrible grin. “So fix it.”

Riku didn’t have to be told twice.

\--

She found Axel by the lake, lighting up his fourth cigarette in a row. 

“Those will kill you, you know.”

He smirked, but didn’t turn to meet her eyes. “I’m already dead, didn’t you know?”

“You’ve been dead for a long time.”

“I have. You know that.” She stood behind him for a long time in silence while he continued to smoke, blowing his smoke in the other direction so it wouldn’t float back into her face with the breeze. He was courteous like that.

“What brings you here, Namine?” he asked. 

She smiled gently and sat next to him on the log, drawing her white shawl closer around her. “I sensed you needed someone to talk to.”

“No offense, little darling, but if I was going to talk to someone it probably wouldn’t be you.”

Namine’s smile widened slightly as she leaned over to bump his shoulder with her own. “Axel, I do not always bear bad news.” 

“No, but you never have anything I like to hear. If you’re here, it’s probably to tell me to get over myself and that Aqua is happy, and better with Terra, etcetera, right?”

“You know that without my having to tell you.”

“So then why are you here?” Axel asked, putting his cigarette out on the rock in front of him.

“Your heart cries, Axel.”

“It cries without me, then.”

Namine drew in a quiet breath and let it out slowly. She watched with sad eyes as Axel drew another cigarette from the pack and lit it without a lighter. 

“If your heart is unwell, your magic will be also.”

“Don’t speak in code to me, kid.”

“Your fire only obeys you when you have peace of mind. If you let your mind become unstable, your fire will defy you and you could get hurt. Or you could hurt someone else. Someone you love.”

Axel frowned, finally turning to look at her. “What are you talking about?”

“Get over your first love. She’s taken care of. You had something special, and you should be thankful. Now it’s time to focus on your new great love because, and I’m being honest, he is scared out of his mind.”

Axel hesitated. “...He is?”

“He won’t tell you because it makes him look childish, he thinks. But he’s scared. Especially after last night’s show. He didn’t expect the ring dance to bother him the way it has, and he’s ashamed to talk to you about it.” 

“Did he tell you this?” Axel asked, ash collecting on the end of his unsmoked cigarette.

“No. He has not told anyone. But it’s how he’s feeling. Trust me. You need to talk to him.”

“It freaks me out how much you know.”

“It is my job.”

“It’s a curse,” Axel muttered, putting the cigarette to his lips.

Namine sighed sadly and patted his thigh with thin fingers. “Dear Axel. Haven’t you realized it by now?” She stood and rearranged her shawl. “We’re all cursed.”

Axel said nothing as she walked back through the trees to camp, leaving Axel to think.

 

\--

Roxas lay in his bunk while Ventus threw popcorn kernels at him. “Roxas. Hey, dork. Talk to me.”

“Fuck off, dude. I don’t want to talk.”

“Come on. Don’t make me pull the mirror card.”

“This might be the only time I punch you out if you do,” Roxas muttered, turning his face inwards against his pillow.

Ventus sighed, jumping down from the top bunk. “Roxas, you need to talk about it.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it with you for once,” Axel said, entering the tent.

Ventus looked up, startled. A few popcorn kernels fell from his palm onto the ground.

Axel shrugged. “Sorry, Ven. Can I ...have some time alone with your brother?”

Ventus nodded. “Yeah. Maybe you can get something out of him.” Axel offered a crooked smile before stealing a kernel from Ven’s hands as he walked past and through the door of the tent.

Roxas didn’t turn to greet Axel. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“That’s fine. I don’t want to talk.”

“I don’t want to make out, either.”

“Also fine.”

Roxas frowned and turned to look at Axel. “...Are you feeling alright?”

“I’m fine. Move over, nerd.”

Roxas’s frown softened as Axel slid into his bunk next to him, pulling Roxas against his chest. He placed a kiss on the blond’s forehead and settled into his pillow, tightening his arm around Roxas. “I don’t expect you to talk about it. You had your time to mourn her. Aqua should have asked you. But you can’t mope around here forever, and you will have to look at Aqua in the face without wanting to murder her sometime in the near future.”

Roxas sighed, snuggling into Axel’s side. Axel didn’t need to know that he and Aqua had already talked about it. “I really don’t want to talk about this with you.”

“Why, because it’s weird? Because you’re still upset about the girl you loved who passed away and it was a terrible tragedy and we all miss her, and my ex-girlfriend totally went behind your back and sort of betrayed you and it was completely icky of her to do that. Is that weird?”

Roxas chuckled and slid his arm across Axel’s chest, hugging him around the middle. “I guess it’s pretty weird.” He paused. “We’re a fucked up bunch.”

Axel nodded. “We certainly are.”

Roxas sighed. “Are you here to cheer me up?”

“No. I’m here to take a nap because chances are good Xemnas won’t look for me here.”

Roxas laughed. “I’m down for naps.”

Axel was quiet for a moment and Roxas figured he was going to sleep when Axel spoke again, the rumble of his voice vibrating through his chest.

“Namine just told me I need to calm my mind or my fire will get out of my control and I’ll hurt someone.”

“...Woah.”

“I don’t know how to calm my mind, though. I smoke a lot, you know that.” Axel was staring at the bottom of Ventus’s bunk so he wouldn’t have to meet Roxas’s burning gaze. “I do it to keep my thoughts at bay. You know if we all thought about our shitty lives we’d probably all kill ourselves. But...I can’t let it get out of control. I don’t want to hurt someone I love.”

A beat. “...You love me?” Roxas whispered.

Axel cursed. “Shit. Spoiler alert.” He glanced down to see Roxas’s eyes were wide. “Yeah, I guess I do. And that’s why I need to get my mind under control. If I’m not the boss anymore, the fire will get out of hand. I can’t have that happen. I’d probably die if I hurt you, even if it was an accident,” he admitted. 

Roxas hadn’t blinked. He reached up for Axel’s face, tangled his fingers in his hair and pulled him down into a kiss that surprised even him. Axel returned the kiss enthusiastically, but broke it after a moment. “Hey, hang on. I came here to have a nap.”

Roxas shook his head. “You don’t just…throw that word around and expect not to get kissed for it.” He scratched at the back of Axel’s neck, a spot he’d recently learned was very good for him. “Come on, I need comforting. Calm your mind and comfort me at the same time.”

“By making out.” Axel smirked. “I’m a bad influence on you.” He resumed the kiss, turning onto his side to be closer to Roxas, already the heat between them nearly unbearable. 

“Is anyone going to come in?” Axel asked as he trailed kisses over the skin of Roxas’s neck.

“I don’t care,” the blond panted. “Don’t stop. If you stop I will kill you.” Roxas was already worming his way underneath Axel, a move Axel can’t say he’d expected so soon. 

Axel’s legs tangled in the blankets as he tried to maneuver himself into a more comfortable position, until Roxas seemed to understand he didn’t want to put his full weight on the blond. Roxas shuffled as best he could in the midst of kisses to pull his legs up, Axel realizing what he was trying to do and helping guide him until his legs were wound around the redhead’s waist. 

Axel couldn’t help himself. He could feel the fire burning under his skin, his veins hot with the flames. He had to control himself. He’d never lost it during sex before, but this...this was Roxas. Roxas who had his legs wrapped around his waist. Roxas who was still fully clothed, but panting, his face flushed, his nails digging into Axel’s spine, fingers having found their way under Axel’s shirt. 

Roxas moved his hands to Axel’s face and put his forehead against Axel’s. “It’s okay.”

“I…” 

“Axel,” Roxas whispered. “Come on. I want you to kiss me.”

Axel couldn’t deny a request like that, and kissed the blond with fervor. Roxas would never understand how the taste of cigarettes could turn him on, but that’s what Axel’s tongue tasted like and it should gross him out, but if anything it made him want more. He wanted Axel to consume him, until he no longer existed. Perhaps this was what true happiness felt like? To feel loved, to feel...desired?

Axel desired him, there was no denying that. Roxas could feel Axel’s desire, hard against his leg. Roxas moved his hands to the small of Axel’s back and pushed down, lifting his hips slightly to meet him. “C’mon.”

Axel groaned, his forehead hot against Roxas’s neck as he allowed his hips to move on their own, grinding down against Roxas’s. Roxas gasped. “Yeah, that’s good. Come on, just like that.”

“Roxas, you’re killing me.”

“Good, then we can die together,” Roxas panted, pulling on Axel’s belt loops. “Don’t stop or I really will kill you.”

The friction drove Axel mad, but still he allowed himself the simple pleasure of Roxas’s hips, grinding against him until Roxas was pulling his hair, biting his lip to keep from crying out as he threw his head back into the pillow. It only took another thrust or two of his hips before Axel tensed and followed suit. 

“Wow,” Axel breathed as Roxas fell limp beneath him. “That was...incredibly hot.”

“I suppose it would have been less messy if we’d taken our pants off,” Roxas admitted, a little embarrassed. 

Axel laughed and kissed the side of Roxas’s neck which was sticky with sweat. “Eh. First time for everything. But...I tell you this,” Axel grinned. “One day I’d really like for you to ride me and fucking hell it’ll be the hottest thing in the universe.”

Roxas blushed furiously. “Fuck off, dude. What happened to starting slow?”

“We just made each other come in our pants. This isn’t slow.”

“I wasn’t embarrassed, but now I am a little,” Roxas admitted. Axel laughed. 

“The worst part of all of this will be for me having to walk back to my tent with jizz filled pants. That’s gross.” He nipped at Roxas’s jaw. “Next time we’ll just take our pants off, okay?” 

“Maybe we can do that in your tent,” Roxas whispered. “The danger of this in a communal tent is a little too thrilling for a vanilla guy like me.”

Axel laughed again. “You’re with me now, babe. We’ll see how long you stay vanilla.”

 

\--


	10. Enter the Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sora's past finally shows up to reclaim what he believes is his...

Two shows left. They’d performed every night for the past week, and now it was time for a few days of break before they started creating a new show.

Once they’d figured out their new show, they’d pack up and move to a new city. They never stayed anywhere long enough to lay down roots, to meet people.

That’s why they were each other’s family.

That’s why a lot of them joined the circus. To get away from their own family.

Sora was entertaining a small group of children with his juggling when he felt a familiar gaze on him. Assuming it was one of the troupe, he kept juggling, laughing as a child threw in a bouncy ball and he scooped it into his performance without skipping a beat.

The children giggled with glee, and Sora caught all the items, handing the little boy back his bouncy ball. The kids applauded and Sora bowed, blushing with delight. He was hideously proud of himself, considering it was just a juggling act to entertain the people as they walked around to meet ‘the real stars’, as Xemnas had phrased it. Oh well, what was Xemnas doing anyway, walking around saying hello? It wasn’t like he had any special skills. Other than emotional abuse and bullying.

Sora knew people like that. It was one of the main reasons he’d left home.

Again, with that presence.

Who was it? Sora looked around, not seeing anyone in particular watching him. Axel was demonstrating some fire juggling moves of his own to a small crowd of teenaged girls. Wasn’t Axel. 

In the distance, Aqua was holding the baby tiger on her lap still while some little girls leaned forward to pet it.

Roxas and Ventus were laughing together at something, shaking hands with some parents of little kids who were trying to show them how they could somersault.

Riku was nowhere to be seen, probably schmoozing somewhere else. Being important.

Minutes passed and Sora felt a chill run up his spine. Dread crept up the back of his neck, and he shook his head. No way. It couldn’t possibly be him, could it?

Sora turned and looked around, trying to remain as calm as possible, but his eyes were frantic. It gave him away.

“Hey baby brother, I wondered when I’d track you down.”

Sora could have thrown up. He drew in a deep breath to calm his racing heart and lifted his eyes to meet a face he’d never forget. He couldn’t forget it. It was the reason he hated looking in the mirror. The face mirrored his own.

His twin brother, Vanitas.

His twin was different than him in the way black and white are different from each other. Vanitas looked the same, but different in a sense people couldn’t quite put their fingers on. He was meaner. His eyes were colder. Vanitas was rude, and cruel, and wicked, but most people didn’t know that about him. He only showed that side to Sora.

“Not even going to greet me? What kind of brother are you. We grew together in the womb, Sora.” 

Sora trembled. He clenched his jaw and squared his shoulders, standing up as straight as he could to meet Vanitas’s cruel smile. “Hello, Vanitas.”

“There we go. I haven’t seen you in some time, Sora. Have you been hiding here this entire time? You could have called.” Vanitas looked around and shook his head. “Though I suppose it would have been difficult to find some technology around here. It all looks rather...primitive.”

Sora drew another shaky breath. “I didn’t call you because I didn’t want you to know where I was going.”

“Why not?” Vanitas asked, playing innocent. 

“I didn’t want you to follow me,” Sora said softly. “I left to get away from you.”

“Sora, Sora, Sora.” Vanitas leaned in and smiled, though his smile was less than friendly. “You know you can never get away from me, right? We’re connected. We’ll always be together, whether you like it or not.” 

It must have been Sora’s body language that alerted him from afar, but Sora saw Riku approaching from over Vanitas’s shoulder.

“Hey Sora, who’s this?” Riku asked with a careful smile. He held out a hand to shake it. “You must be the brother he mentioned. Wow, you really are twins.”

Vanitas’s eyes narrowed as he offered a friendly smile. “Hmm. You did that blindfolded kinky air dance thing. It was interesting enough. So who are you? My brother’s new fuck buddy?”

“Excuse me?” Riku asked.

“You heard me,” Vanitas murmured. “He thinks that running away from home and joining the circus will guarantee his freedom, but it won’t. He has responsibilities he’s leaving behind. I’m his brother. Our parents are dead.”

“He’s an adult. He doesn’t have to stay with you,” Riku said, positioning himself between Vanitas and Sora. Sora, who was no longer looking up, whose posture had slumped, whose gaze had fallen to the ground. Complete submission. Riku didn’t like this at all.

“Well. He may think he knows what’s best for him, but he doesn’t. He’s made a lot of stupid decisions over the years. Haven’t you, Sora?”

“Don’t,” Sora whispered. 

“Hmm?” Vanitas asked, stepping closer. “What did you say?”

“I said stop it,” Sora said, a little louder this time. “Every word out of your mouth is poisonous. I want you to leave.”

“It’s the circus, Sora. Cheer up!” Vanitas threw his arms wide. “Come on, where’s the fun?! I just wanted to see you, make sure you were healthy. I’ve been looking for you for a long time. Can’t I just make sure you’re well adjusted here? That you’re safe? That these people will take care of you better than I can?”

“Will you leave on your own, or will I have to have you escorted?” Riku asked, the threat obvious in his tone.

“You think you’re tough, don’t you?” Vanitas grinned. “I bet Sora likes that. Are you rough with him? Does he scream your name when you fuck him? Does he pull your hair? You’re a circus performer, I bet you’re pretty flexible. You can probable do a lot more weird shit than most people.”

Riku’s jaw dropped. “You can’t honestly consider yourself Sora’s family when you talk like that. I’m giving you one more warning before I have you removed.”

“Fine, fine.” Vanitas held up his hands. “Sorry. Can I at least meet the rest of your motley crew?”

Riku glanced back at Sora, who may as well have been curled up on the floor. “If you promise you’ll leave immediately, I’ll take you around myself.”

“Excellent, a good looking escort.”

“If you mouth off to anyone, I’ll also _remove_ you myself. I’m not afraid to hit you, Vanitas.”

Vanitas grinned. “I like when you say my name.”

“Shut up.”

Vanitas turned back to Sora as Riku began to lead them in the direction of the fire pit. “Does he give orders in the bedroom like that, too? Or...tent, I guess. Or outside. I don’t know where you guys fuck.”

“I said shut up. One more word. I dare you.”

“If you decide to beat me up, can you do it with the blindfold on? That would be incredibly sexy.”

“Vanitas.”

Riku stopped and turned back to Sora, who’d said his brother’s name. 

“Yes, Sora darling?” Vanitas asked. He took Sora’s arm, and Riku didn’t miss his entire body stiffen at the contact. 

“Why…”

“Be more specific.”

“You ruin everything I’ve ever thought important. I...want to know why.”

“I haven’t even met the others from your little circus freakshow and you’re dropping this heavy shit on me already? Sora. So ungrateful.”

“Fine.” Sora sighed, his shoulders slumping. “Let’s just meet everyone and get this over with.”

“Lead the way, sexy sky master,” Vanitas urged, but didn’t let go of Sora’s arm.

 

\--

Axel wasn’t impressed. Amused, but not impressed. “So. The juggler has a twin. That’s cool. Too bad you’re kind of an asshole.”

Vanitas grinned. “You’d like to know, I bet.”

“I bet not,” Axel said with a wink. “Get the fuck out of here.”

“Touchy,” Vanitas muttered.

None of the other members of the troupe seemed overly interested in Sora’s twin brother. The only two remaining were the other set of twins, and Sora dreaded introducing them.

They were in their tent, laughing about something when the three boys came in. 

“Woah, double take,” Ventus said. “That’s so cool! Sora, I didn’t know you also had a twin! Why didn’t you say anything?!”

“He likes to pretend he doesn’t know me,” Vanitas admitted with a shrug. He walked up to Ventus and stepped right into his personal space. “I, on the other hand, would very much like to know you. What’s your name?”

“Don’t talk to him,” Riku muttered. “We’re humoring him and then he’s leaving.”

Vanitas pouted. “So mean. I just want to make sure my baby brother is being cared for properly. Wouldn’t you want the same for your twin?” Vanitas reached a couple of fingers to stroke Ventus’s cheek. “You’re incredibly beautiful. The fact that there are two of you is even more exciting.”

“Ugh, fuck off, creep,” Roxas said, wrinkling his nose in disgust. 

Ventus stepped back. “Nice to meet you, I guess.”

Riku reached forward and dragged Vanitas by the sleeve. “Come on, creep. Time to go.”

“I’ll just come back,” Vanitas insisted. “What’s your name?” he called as he was dragged from the tent. “Seriously, I just want to know his name.” 

“You don’t need to know anything else. You’ve done enough. You’ve seen enough. Now it’s time to go. We did our part. Do yours.” 

“You’re cute when you’re angry.” 

“Vanitas, I’m not going to ask you again.”

“Fine, fine! I’ll leave. But I’ll come back for the show tomorrow. And the next day. When you guys are done, you’re going to just pack up and leave, right? I’ll be back for Sora before then.”

Sora closed his eyes and tried to focus on his breathing.

“We’ll see about that,” Riku said. At the entrance to the show, he pushed Vanitas through the gate by the small of his back. “I’d like to say it was nice to meet you, but it wasn’t.”

Vanitas grinned. “I’ll be back, Sora. Wait for me.”

Sora managed to offer a grimace in his twin’s direction as Vanitas blew them a kiss and walked off into the night.

Riku sighed and turned around, taking Sora’s shoulders gently. “I want to wait before I get you back to safety in my tent but I don’t think I can wait to ask you this. What the _fuck_ was that?”

“My twin brother,” Sora mumbled.

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about,” Riku said. Sora’s chin was trembling and he wouldn’t meet Riku’s eyes.

“I’m...can we talk about this somewhere else?” he asked softly. Riku nodded.

“Of course.”

\--

Kairi sat at the edge of the lake, the light of the moon giving the water a silver hue. She loved this time of night. She loved the quiet. 

It was nice to be somewhere where no one expected anything of her.

While she sat alone, she felt her dinner rolling in her stomach. Perhaps the burger hadn’t been the best idea. Her digestion wasn’t the best, and greasy food was terrible for it. But still, she had to eat to please Ventus.

No. She had to eat to get better. She had to be better for herself, not for anyone else.

She put her hands on her stomach and told herself to calm down. This wasn’t a good place to get sick. 

No place was a good place to get sick. But still. 

She stood and walked away from the water. No sense in polluting the lake. 

She knelt behind a few trees where she knew the troupe didn’t sit and tucked her hair behind her ears, waiting. The rolling in her belly worsened. 

“Come on, just...get it over with,” she whispered, rubbing her belly. She didn’t want to force it. She felt more guilt if she used her finger to induce her sickness.

Her eyes began to blur and her mouth began to water and she knew it wouldn’t be long. Soon she’d feel better. 

\--

“Are you going to tell me what that was about, or do I have to guess, because I really don’t want to, based on his suggestions.” Sora was seated on Riku’s bed, his head hanging low between his shoulders. Shame.

Riku dragged his hand over his face and sighed. “Look. If that’s what you’re running from, I get it. We all have our demons. But some of them are actually criminal, and need to be prosecuted.”

“Riku, it’s not -”

“Is it not?” Riku demanded. “Because I don’t know what to think. Does he always talk that way, or does he hold past experiences over you to keep you ‘in line’? It makes me sick, Sora. He’s your _brother_. Nothing like that is appropriate, no matter who, but your own brother should know better!” 

Riku saw tears drip onto Sora’s folded legs. “You’d think so, wouldn’t you?” Sora asked softly. “He hasn’t exactly been a prime example of family to me.”

Riku sighed and dropped to his knees across from Sora. “I...really don’t know what to say. When he comes back I’m prepared to beat the shit out of him. You know I won’t be alone in that.”

“He’s stronger than he looks.”

“Sure, maybe, but you don’t think three circus freaks can take him down?” 

“Just three?” Sora asked with a teary smile. 

“Well. At least me, Axel and probably Terra. Terra would ruin him.”

“You guys don’t have any reason to fight for me, why should I expect your help?” 

“You’re family now, Sora. We look out for our own, even if your stupid brother never did.” Riku cupped Sora’s cheek in his palm. “You probably don’t want to talk about what he did to you. But either way, even joking about it is sick and wrong. If he comes back here, there will be hell to pay. I’ll see to it myself.”

Sora leaned forward so his forehead was against Riku’s. “What have I done in my life to deserve someone like you?” 

Riku chuckled. “Having that asshole for a brother probably makes everyone else a step in the right direction.”

\--

Ventus found her lying in her tent, the air heavy with the scent of stale vomit.

“Kairi?” he asked softly. She groaned from her bed.

“I’m not feeling well, Ven. Sorry, don’t come any closer.”

“Are you sick?”

She hesitated. “I just ate something bad, I think.”

“Tell me the truth.” He stopped next to her bed and looked down at her, his eyes narrowed. “Please, Kairi.”

“It...made me sick.”

“But you don’t have food poisoning.” He knelt down next to her and brushed her hair out of her face. She was sickly pale.

“No…” she admitted, pulling her blanket over her head.

“I’m getting the doctor.”

He was out of the tent before Kairi could protest.

\--

On his way to get the doctor, Ventus ran into Riku. “Hey, Riku! Are you busy?”

“Not really, just patrolling the grounds for Sora’s creepy brother…”

“Ugh,” Ven said, scrunching his face. “He’s gross.”

“If you see him, get him off the property before Sora sees him. It’s important. I’ll let Axel know too. This guy is dangerous, and we can’t have him near our people, okay?”

Ventus nodded. “Yeah. I’ll keep an eye out. But right now, can you do me a favor? I know you and Kairi are really close… Or, you were, or whatever -”

“Careful, blondie.”

“She’s really sick. She needs help. I’m going to get Vexen, and I don’t want her to disappear on me. Can you just...go sit with her? She’s been throwing up.”

Riku sighed. “Again?”

“Just...can you go please?” Ventus begged.

Riku nodded. “Of course. Go get Vexen.”

Ventus beamed. “You’re the best. I’ll be right back!”

\--

Riku entered Kairi’s tent, and made no visible notice of the smell that reached his nostrils. 

“Hey beautiful,” he greeted her, sitting on the bed next to her. She shook her head and began to cry.

“Don’t call me that. I’m a failure. Ven’s going to get the doctor and then everyone will know and laugh at me.”

Riku frowned, pushing her over by her shoulders so she was looking up at him. “Don’t be stupid. Kairi, he’s getting Vexen because you’re not getting better and you need help. No one’s going to laugh at you because we all care about you getting better. You’re not a failure. You just need help.”

Kairi sobbed, covering her face with her hands. “Please don’t be mad at me, Riku… I’ve been trying so hard.”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, he gathered her into his arms and kissed her hair. “Kairi, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you.. You have been trying hard. I’ve seen it, we’ve all seen it. You just...need a little extra help. There’s no shame in that, okay?” 

She cried in his arms until Ventus opened the tent flap again. “Hey, I’m back…”

“Is Vexen with you?” Riku asked. Ventus nodded. 

The older man stepped inside, his hair tied back into a ponytail, a clipboard in his hands. 

“We’re not going anywhere, Kairi. We’re here with you.” Riku released her, but kept an arm around her shoulders as Ventus passed her some tissues. “You’re safe here.”

\--


	11. Things Better Left Unsaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things are revealed... 
> 
> Triggers for eating disorders.

Riku stood next to Kairi at Fireside the next evening, holding her hand as she trembled, Ven on her other side. 

Namine had even made it to Fireside, holding her shawl tightly around her. She nodded at Kairi. _You can do this._

Kairi took a deep breath as everyone watched her, waiting for her to tell them what was on her mind.

“I...have an eating disorder.” A few gasps, perhaps people who hadn’t noticed. What hurt her was how many people didn’t seem surprised. “I know I need a lot of help. It’s really hard. I want...to get better. So I’m getting help.”

“Good for you, Kairi,” Aqua said. A few people started clapping. Riku hugged Kairi tightly and kissed her forehead.

“I’m proud of you.” Kairi blushed. Riku’s acceptance was one of the only things she knew could keep her going when times were toughest.

Xemnas stood in the shadows, hoping he was out of sight, but Kairi spotted him. 

He nodded at her, unsure of what to say. _Sorry I failed you? Sorry I’m such a shitty father that you don’t find your worth in what I think of you?_

He couldn’t find the words for her. He knew it was all true. She needed his support. He wasn’t sure how to give it. So he nodded.

She offered him a grim smile. She knew she had the support she needed from the others, her true family, even if Xemnas was related by blood.

Ventus made an angry noise in his throat. “Hey! Ringmaster!”

Kairi shook her head. “Ven, please don’t-”

“Aren’t you going to say anything?!” 

Xemnas stepped into the circle and frowned. “You have something to say to me, boy?”

“Yeah, I do. It’s not really a secret that you haven’t been there for Kairi. So what do you say about supporting her now? She needs us. She needs you.” 

Xemnas frowned. “I am pleased she’s getting help. We have a show to put on.”

“That’s all that matters to you, isn’t it!? The show, the damned show! _She’s your daughter._ Can you stop being a shitty dad for once and just support her!?”

Around the fire, eyebrows were raised. Ventus didn’t curse.

“Kairi’s health is more important than your stupid show. You know you need all of us in top form. So let us get there, Ringmaster. Care about us. Not the money we make you.”

Xemnas’s lips were pressed together so tightly that they seemed to form a white line. He said nothing as he turned and walked away.

“Well said, Ven,” Riku muttered. 

Ventus sat down on a log and seethed, his face red with anger and embarrassment. From his seat next to Axel, Roxas nodded at his brother, smiling. 

“How’s that death prediction coming, Seer?” Axel called, glancing over at Namine. She seemed to smirk, if possible, as she rose. 

“Death no longer, but still chaos. Turmoil lingers. We are not safe here.”

“Your predictions fucking suck,” Axel muttered. 

Namine looked to Kairi. “I am proud of you. Defy death whenever you are given an opportunity.”

Kairi smiled faintly. “Thanks, Namine.”

The rest of Fireside was uneventful. Axel didn’t feel like dancing, Aqua and Terra’s baby tiger remained asleep in Terra’s lap, and no one had any stories to tell.

The troupe went their separate ways to occupy themselves elsewhere, leaving Axel behind to stare at the fire.

“I don’t like this,” he murmured into his hands where he rested his chin.

“What?” Roxas asked. They were the only two at the firepit.

“This unrest. Don’t you feel it?” 

Roxas shook his head. “What do you mean?” 

“Things feel uneasy.”

“Before or after Sora’s creepy brother paid us a visit.”

“I’ll kill him if he shows his stupid face around here,” Axel muttered. “He didn’t do anything to me, I just… Don’t like him.”

Roxas laughed. “Fair enough.”

“I just hate feeling like this.”

“Let’s go back to your tent.”

“Wha-” Axel blinked. “..Seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously. Come on, I want to.”

Axel frowned as Roxas pulled him up by his hands and led him in the direction of Axel’s tent. “I like this take charge attitude you’ve developed recently.”

“I’ve had a good teacher,” Roxas replied with a grin. 

They barely made it to the tent before Roxas’s hands were all over Axel, pushing his shirt up, his mouth wherever it could find skin exposed. Axel was laughing, trying to stay standing and open the tent flap at the same time. “Hang on, hang on,” he laughed, tripping over the entrance and bringing them both down onto the floor.

Axel continued to laugh, while Roxas climbed on top of him, straddling his hips and leaning over to keep kissing him. “Stop laughing,” Roxas demanded in between kisses. “Focus. I need attention.”

“Bullshit,” Axel said, taking Roxas’s hips in his hands. “Is this going to be when you ride me like I suggested?” 

“So pushy,” Roxas said with a nervous laugh. “Easy, can’t we just fool around?”

“You’re the one who demanded we come back here. I assumed you wanted to fuck.”

“I’m not exactly sure what I want,” Roxas replied. “Can’t we just...play it by ear?”

“Look,” Axel offered, loosening his grip on Roxas’s hips. “I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable or nervous, I just want you to have a good time, okay? I make a lot of jokes, but...I really do want you to enjoy yourself. And I know that I can make you feel really good. But you need to be into it. I don’t want to rush you into something if you’re not ready for it. So if I’m making you uncomfortable, tell me to knock it off.”

Roxas sighed. “Sorry. I know I’m ruining it a bit.”

“Nah, you’re cool. I’d be nervous with me, too.”

“Is everyone nervous with you?” Roxas joked. 

Axel frowned and sat up, Roxas sliding off of his hips. “What do you mean ‘everyone’?” 

“The rest of the troupe, you know. The ones you’ve been with.” Roxas knew he’d ruined the moment and wished he could take back the last three minutes. He could redo those three minutes and they could still be fooling around. 

Axel opened his mouth to reply, blinked, and then realized he didn’t have a response. 

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about my history with the troupe, whether they still work here or not,” Axel said, his posture suddenly guarded. Roxas shuffled around, moving until he was able to get up.

“Sorry. Yeah, no you’re right. I...yeah. It’s nothing.” Roxas shifted his weight from one foot to the next. 

“Say what you’re thinking,” Axel told him, getting to his feet. 

Roxas knew what he was about to say was a death sentence. Whatever possessed him to say it anyway, he didn’t know. 

“I’m just a little uncomfortable with how much you’ve whored yourself around the troupe, okay?” Roxas finally admitted. He knew as soon as the word had left his mouth that he couldn’t take it back, that it had been a terrible idea.

Axel recoiled like he’d been slapped. “Roxas…”

“Axel, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” 

“No.” Axel took a step forward and met Roxas’s eyes, his own green eyes dark with emotion. “I’m sorry that I didn’t get to have a beautiful and gentle first time, not like you. You know? I didn’t have a choice in the matter. He told me what he’d come for, and then he just took me. You know what that’s like when _you’re fifteen years old?! With someone you trusted?!”_

Roxas had taken a step back, noting the tears gathering in Axel’s eyes. The redhead blinked them away. 

“I sleep around to try and find fulfillment because I’ve never had a good influence who can teach me any better. After that, I’ve basically spent my life believing I’m worthless. So I look for my worth by sleeping with others.” Roxas narrowed his eyes and Axel cut him off. “Don’t look at me like that, _I know the psychology.”_

Roxas didn’t have anything else to say. He just kept his gaze at his feet and waited for Axel to finish yelling.

“Say what you want, Roxas. Call me a whore. Yeah, I’ve slept with a lot of people. But 99% of them have been _my choice._ ” Axel paused and then lowered his voice. “Aqua is the only actual relationship I’ve ever had. It was for a summer, and it was nice. We parted ways because we didn’t click. But it was mutual. And you know what the shitty part is? _I still love her!_ It won’t go away because she was the only truly decent person I’ve been with, and I _hate_ Terra so much because they’re happy together, but that’s not my business anymore.” He paused to take a breath, knowing that the amount of Roxas that he could see spoke of uncertain body language.

Axel let out the breath he’d been holding. “Is that enough of my history for you?”

Roxas sighed, knowing he’d lost this battle. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“You’re damned right you didn’t know.” Axel turned around and threw himself onto his bed with a sigh. “Get the fuck out of my tent. I’m done.”

Roxas left Axel’s tent with a heavy heart and returned to his own to a sleep filled with exhaustive turmoil and nightmares.

\--

Riku lay next to Sora in Riku’s tent. Riku had propped himself up with his elbow to watch Sora’s face, and couldn’t read anything in his expression.

“Talk to me, Sora.”

“I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Tell me anything. Seeing you this quiet is freaking me out.”

“We talked about having demons. Mine are just...closer than they used to be.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

“Can you do me a favor?” Sora asked, turning towards Riku, his eyes glassy.

“Sure, Sora. What is it?”

“Kiss me until I forget. I don’t want to think about him right now.”

Riku smiled softly. “Is that honestly what would make you feel better?”

Sora curled into the curve of Riku’s body. “Yes.”

“Well, since you asked nicely,” Riku said with laugh. He kissed Sora’s forehead, then the tip of his nose, then his cheeks, then his lips. Sora sighed, which sounded contented while Riku slipped his hand around Sora’s waist to hold him close.

“You’re a good person, you know that?” Sora whispered. Riku paused.

“You think so?” 

“I know so. You’ve shown me nothing but respect since I got here, and I really appreciate that. You really care about your little family here, don’t you?”

“I do. They’re all I have.” 

“I guess...they’re all I have, too.”

“As long as you want us, Sora.”

“I definitely want you,” Sora said, blushing faintly. 

Riku chuckled. “I’m well aware of that by now.” He kissed Sora’s forehead again. “You wanted to be distracted, so stop talking.”

The brunet sighed. “I’m sorry. I used to be so...demanding.” 

“I have an idea. You just lie back, I’ll distract you, as it were, and if you change your mind or don’t like something, just let me know. It’s all up to you. Okay?”

Sora smiled, embarrassed. “I’ll make it up to you later.”

“I’m not keeping count, Sora. Just tell me if you like it.”

Sora nodded, wrapping his arms around Riku’s neck. Riku’s kisses were gentle, patient. Sora was impatient, and made a noise of displeasure to express his feelings. Feeling Riku smile against his lips made him smile too, until they were laughing together. 

“What do you want?” Riku asked.

“I want you to kiss me like you mean it.” 

“I mean every kiss,” Riku said. Sora laughed.

“Yeah, sure, but… Kiss me like… You want me.”

Riku hesitated. “I...do want you, Sora.”

“Well?”

“I just don’t...think this is the best time.”

“It’s never the best time,” Sora said, pouting. “You always find ways out of it, or tell me we’re done.”

“I’m nervous, okay?” Riku admitted. “I don’t want to screw this up. I really like you. I don’t want to rush things.”

Sora sighed. “I want to be with you, Riku. I won’t rush you if you’re not ready. But...know that I am.” He chewed his bottom lip nervously. “I was actually kind of ready the moment I first saw you.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah,” Sora replied. “During that first practice when I walked into the Big Top. You...were stunning. You _are_ stunning.”

“...You think so?”

“Do you not believe what people tell you, Riku?” Sora breathed. “I can’t believe you’re a real person. Sometimes I forget to breathe when I look at you.”

Riku smiled. “I know you’re being romantic, but...that’s dangerous.”

“Leave it to you to ruin a mushy moment with your sarcasm,” Sora laughed. 

“...Thanks Sora.”

“Mm?”

“You didn’t have to say all that. But I appreciate it. It’s nice coming from someone without an agenda.”

“It’s true.”

Riku decided they were done talking and kissed Sora until his breathing was unsteady. Riku had already tangled their legs together, and could feel Sora hard against his leg. Well then. Riku supposed that was as good a compliment as any.

“Mn, Sora…” Riku panted, breaking the kiss as Sora dug his fingers into Riku’s hips. “I want you to fuck me.”

“What?” Sora whispered. “Are you serious?” 

Riku hesitated. “...Is...that not okay?”

Sora gave a crooked grin. “No, it’s fine, I just...totally expected you to be...y’know, on top.”

Riku smiled, embarrassed. “It doesn’t matter either way, but… I want you. So…”

Sora shook his head. “Holy hell, Riku. This is a big deal.”

“It doesn’t have to be; sorry, you’re right.” Riku made to get off of him when Sora frowned, took his arms and rolled them so Riku was on his back. 

“Stop. I’d be honored.” He hesitated, his eyes sparkling with uncertainty. “Just...be patient with me. I haven’t exactly...done this in awhile.”

“Me too, actually.” Riku murmured. Sora looked down at him and frowned. 

“Really?”

“I’m not...as promiscuous as some of the others,” Riku said with a chuckle. He blushed. “I...am embarrassed to admit that it’s actually been a couple of years since I’ve been with anyone.”

Sora’s jaw dropped. “Are you...for real?” 

Riku nodded. “So if you’re still wanting to do this, I’d appreciate a little, umm…”

“Respect, courtesy, honor, worship?” Sora asked. “Riku, I promise to take my time and make it great for both of us.” He grinned, sliding his hands under Riku’s shirt. “I just hope you can keep up with me.”

\--

Riku didn’t like being teased. He didn’t like it because it felt completely unnecessary. But Sora was taking his time on him, covering every inch of his skin with his lips, tasting with his tongue. Riku felt like he was being tortured. 

Sora hadn’t said much since they’d agreed to do this, speaking only with his kisses, his fingertips, the searing heat of his tongue. 

Riku panted as Sora paid one of his nipples the appropriate attention, running his teeth across it lightly before trailing kisses down over his belly. Sora’s fingertips roamed at the waistband of Riku’s pants and Sora looked up to make sure he had Riku’s permission. Riku nodded, lifting his hips to help. 

Sora smiled. Riku wasn’t wearing underwear. “You’re gorgeous,” he breathed, looking over Riku’s entire body, now completely bared to him. 

Riku blushed. “I...shut up.”

“No, I mean it. You’re so beautiful.” He ran his hands up Riku’s thighs and back down, lifting his knees in one fluid motion. Riku automatically pressed his thighs together, his blush deepening. 

“It’s okay,” Sora murmured. “Remember, I can stop whenever you want.”

Riku sighed. “I know, I just...I’m nervous.” Sora returned to his mouth and kissed him gently, almost too gently. 

“I promise I’ll take care of you,” he breathed against Riku’s lips. “Just say the word.”

Riku let out a big sigh and nodded. “Okay. Let’s keep going. I’m far too underdressed, can you...even this out?”

Sora laughed, realizing that he was indeed still fully clothed. He kicked off his clothes quickly, tossing them off the bed, both of them lit up with the heat of each other’s bodies in such close proximity. Sora liked how his darker skin looked pressed against Riku’s, and he lay next to Riku, putting his arm around his waist. “Better?”

Riku smiled. “Thanks.”  
Sora tucked a loose strand of hair behind Riku’s ear before bringing him in for another kiss, slow, tortuous. 

Riku groaned low in his throat. “Are we going to get anywhere with this?” he complained. 

Sora pulled Riku on top of him and smirked. “Why, are you bored? Jeez, Riku. I’m sorry you’re not having a good time. Well. Your face isn’t, but your body betrays you.”

Riku blushed. “Shut up. I just...didn’t expect you to be so thorough.”

“Well. A wise man once said that anything worth doing is worth doing properly.”

Riku nodded. “Fair enough.” 

“How do you want to do this?” Sora asked. Riku sat up, straddling Sora’s hips. 

“Carefully,” Riku answered with a laugh. Leaning over to a box near his bedside, Riku rummaged for a moment before returning with the necessary supplies. He handed Sora the tube, but Sora shook his head. 

“No.”

“But-”

“I want you to do it. I want to watch you finger yourself.”

Riku shook his head. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Come on, humor me.” He opened the tube and handed it to Riku. “Show me what you want me to do to you.”

“I’ll kill you,” Riku muttered. “This is embarrassing.”

“This is actually sexy as hell.” Sora sat up so he was closer to Riku’s face. “Come on, Riku. Fuck your fingers. Show me what you want from me.”

It took a moment for Riku to collect his courage, another for him to smear lube on his fingers, and then two more moments for him to actually gather enough courage to go near enough to his entrance. Sora nodded, his eyes almost dark, hazed with lust. “Show me.”

“I’m trying,” Riku whispered. He pressed a slippery finger against his entrance and gasped. “I...almost forget how.”

“You can do it, I believe in you.” Sora smiled softly. “Show me.”

Slowly, Riku pressed a finger inside. Sora could have died just from watching Riku’s eyes shudder closed.

“Good,” Sora whispered. “You’re doing so good.”

Riku knew he could handle more than this. He pressed a second finger inside. “This should be you. These should be your fingers,” he breathed. Sora just smiled that crooked smile. 

“Not yet. I want you to be ready for me.” Sora squeezed Riku’s hip lightly. “Come on. Fuck them.”

Riku moaned softly as he pressed his fingers deeper inside, in and out, goaded only by Sora’s smile. “Please, Sora,” Riku begged. “I want you instead, please, I-”

“Are you ready?” Sora asked softly, kissing Riku’s lips ever so gently. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t; I’m ready.” Riku removed his fingers with a groan, knowing the emptiness couldn’t last long, not with Sora ready for him. Sora tore open the condom wrapper with his teeth which was a move that was both sexy and cheesy, but Riku was too wound up to care. “Hurry up,” he heard himself whine as Sora settled back down onto his back. 

“So impatient,” the brunet chuckled. “Okay, ready?” 

Riku didn’t have to be told twice. He positioned himself over Sora’s hips and lowered himself onto Sora, relieved to feel full again. 

“You feel amazing,” Sora breathed. “Move for me.”

“But-”

“I want you to lead the way,” he said. “Set the pace. Show me what you can handle.”

“Is that your way of saying you want me to do all the work?” Riku asked with a breathy laugh as he tipped his hips forward. He hadn’t expected he’d be ready so soon, but Sora seemed to fill him just the right amount that he’d hit _that spot_ and suddenly Riku was seeing stars. Riku set his hands on Sora’s chest for balance, trusting the brunet to hold his hips or he’d fall over. “Right there,” he gasped, earning a smile. Each smile from Sora was fuel to keep him going. 

Riku moved his hips, Sora guiding him with his hands and together they moved in silence, but for the sounds of their breathing. Riku knew he was close to his edge, so he leaned forward to capture a kiss before he lost it completely. 

Sora kissed him, letting go of one hip to take Riku’s erection, ignored until now, into his hand. The simple move startled Riku, who gasped against Sora’s mouth. 

“You’re almost ready, aren’t you?” Sora asked, his tone almost condescending. “I’m surprised.”

“I guess I don’t have your stamina,” Riku panted. Sora stroked him slowly in an effort to keep him just on the edge of hysteria, but he knew it was almost pointless. Riku was hopelessly gone, and within two more strokes, spilled over Sora’s stomach. 

“Sorry,” Riku said, embarrassed. “I…”

“Don’t apologize,” Sora said. “You’re perfect. I’m...not done yet, though.”

Riku wrapped his legs around Sora’s waist and flipped them so Riku was on his back. “Go for it.”

“You sure?” Sora asked, as Riku relaxed around him. Riku nodded, a shy grin on his lips. 

“I like it this way...But that’s a secret.” 

Sora smiled. “Safe with me,” he promised. Sora didn’t need a lot of time before he was finished. He could have kept going, but if Riku wasn’t able to keep up with him there wasn’t a point in making him wait. 

He grabbed the towel that was on the floor next to them and offered it to Riku to clean up. 

“Totally not romantic, right?” Sora asked, tossing the condom into the trash basket from across the room, pleased when it made its mark. 

“I don’t know. You said some pretty mushy stuff at the beginning,” Riku said, still on his back. “Come cuddle me or something if you want romance.”

Sora let out a deep breath he wasn’t aware he’d been holding and tucked himself into Riku’s side. “I hope you enjoyed yourself.”

“Next time I’ll last longer,” Riku promised. “Just...don’t make me prep myself again. It’s way hotter if you do it.”

“Next time? This sounds promising.”

“Give me half an hour.”

“Done.”

\---


	12. Night of Tragedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad stuff happens... :( 
> 
>  
> 
> Two more chapters to go, guys! CAN EVERYTHING BE SOLVED IN TIME????

Vanitas was back the next day. The only thing stopping Axel from setting him on fire was a warning from Xemnas that Vanitas was their guest, and they were not to harm him. 

Once they were finished their final show, Vanitas would be shown out, and not allowed to return, but only until then was he kept safe by the Ringmaster’s words.

It didn’t stop him from stirring up trouble wherever he went.

“So, Sora! Tell me about this pack of freaks you hang with. Especially that one trapeze artist,” Vanitas purred, jabbing Sora in the chest with his finger. “Tell me more about him. Is he single?”

“He’s not single. And he’s not interested in a threesome, because I know you’re going to ask that.”

“I said nothing,” Vanitas replied, acting shocked. “How could you even assume-”

“I may hate every fiber of your being,” Sora said, “But you’re still my twin brother.”

Vanitas grinned. “And you say you want nothing to do with me.”

“I _do_ want nothing to do with you. Why won’t you leave me alone?” Sora pleaded. He ducked out from underneath Vanitas’s arm that was slung over his shoulders.

“I told you already, idiot. I need to make sure you’re taken care of.”

“He’s fine, dipshit. Haven’t you ever heard that it’s not cool to ignore someone when they tell you to stop? But let me guess. You’re totally the type to ignore that, right?” Axel spat his accusations, standing tall as he stepped into Vanitas’s personal space.

“Ask Sora,” Vanitas said softly. “Ask him if I ever listened when he said stop.”

“I’m so fucking tired of you!” Axel yelled, mostly so he wouldn’t punch Vanitas in the face in his anger, but also so no one could see the shudder that passed over him. “I can’t wait until the show’s over. Then you’re going to leave and I don’t have to look at your stupid face anymore.”

Vanitas just flashed him a grin. “Sora and I have the same face, Fire Dancer. Don’t you like his face?”

“Doesn’t really do it for me,” Axel spat. 

“Yeah, you like blonds, don’t you?” Vanitas asked. “Seems we’ve got a pair of them to choose from. You can keep your grumpy one. He’s probably a shitty lay.”

Axel found his hands tightly wound in the front of Vanitas’s shirt. “The fuck did you just say?!”

“You heard me. Maybe he is, who am I to judge? Tell me, Red. Is Roxas a good fuck, or not?”

Axel sneered. “It’s none of your fucking business.”

“That just means you haven’t slept with him yet.”

“I’m warning you, asshole.”

“I wonder how he tastes. Do you think him and his twin taste the same? I bet they don’t.” He lifted his eyebrows. “Do _you_ know?”

“I’ll fucking end you, I’m not kidding.” Axel was trembling with anger.

Vanitas just watched him seethe, grinning. “Careful, Red. You don’t want to lose your cool.”

Axel pushed Vanitas back and stormed away.

\--

 

Axel didn’t like how Namine wasn’t spending as much time in her tent lately, because it meant she was hanging around the troupe more often, looming in the shadows, warning him with her eyes.

She was waiting for him to screw up. Axel knew that he had to keep calm, and so he practiced by the fire often, hoping it wouldn’t betray him while she was watching.

He knew it probably would.

He had to come up with some new moves before their next show. He knew it wasn’t necessary, but he had to impress Xemnas somehow. The Ringmaster was hard to please.

Aqua was watching him that evening while he practiced, smiling faintly, her hands in her lap. 

Axel drew in a deep breath. 

She smiled over at him like she used to, that sweet, special smile that said she loved him. It was the smile she’d use when she looked down at him while they made love, while he brushed strands of her hair out of her face, it was a smile that told him everything was alright.

Axel felt strong. He loved that smile.

His fire burned strong, and he grinned to himself, until he was startled by a scream.

Aqua was screaming. He put out the fire as quick as possible and turned to her. She knelt in the dirt, holding her arm against her chest, sobbing.

Axel didn’t have to ask. He could see the singe marks, the angry red skin. He’d burned her.

He covered his mouth with his hands and dropped to the ground next to her. 

She cried loudly, but when she met his eyes he saw she was not angry. 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean -” he breathed. She nodded, tears streaming down her face. 

“Get help,” she whispered. 

Axel ran for Vexen.

\-- 

“You’ve done us a disservice, Axel.” Axel sat in the Ringmaster’s tent, his legs drawn up against his chest, arms wrapped around his legs to make himself appear a lot smaller than he was. When Xemnas was angry, he didn’t yell. He spoke softly. He said he was disappointed. He was the Dad of the troupe in that respect. Disappointing him upset everyone. His disappointment was terrifying. 

Xemnas wasn’t impressed. Aqua’s burns weren’t severe, but bad enough that she couldn’t help Terra with the animals for at least six weeks.

“I have half a mind to dismiss you.”

Axel nodded faintly, staring at the tops of his knees. “I’m surprised you haven’t already.”

“You know why I haven’t.”

“I’m ashamed that I do.”

“You wear a lot of shame. Figure things out, Axel. I can’t have you in terrible shape for our next show. You must be in top form.”

“We’re….never going to be good enough for you, are we?” Axel whispered. 

Xemnas sighed and hung his head, shaking it in his displeasure. “You all have yet to please me.”

Axel just shook his head, angry at the tears that burned in his eyes, angry with himself more than anything.

\--

Roxas came to him that night in an angry huff. “What the hell happened?!” 

“I burned her,” Axel whispered. In his own tent he was seated in the same position as he’d been earlier, curled up tight into himself. 

“I get that. And that was fucking stupid of you.”

“Don’t talk to me like I don’t feel bad about it,” Axel muttered. “What do you want, Roxas? I thought we weren’t speaking.”

“Namine’s prophecy. You’d burn someone you love.”

Axel scoffed. “Please. We’ve talked about this.”

“Why was she there with you?”

“I was at the fucking fire pit!” Axel yelled, standing up so he could try to use his height as an intimidation factor.

Roxas didn’t back down. “I thought the prophecy was that you’d burn _me_!”

“Do you actually wish it had been you instead!?” Axel asked, eyes wide.

Roxas sighed. “That’s not the point, Axel. It just seems like maybe you don’t love me like you say you do.”

“I do love you, you fucking idiot!” Axel shouted. He almost took Roxas by the shoulders to shake sense into him, but withdrew his hands at the last second as Roxas shrunk back from him.

Roxas shook his head. “I’m sorry she got burned. I really am. I just...don’t like feeling like your second best.”

He turned and left the tent.

\--

“You’re wrecking him by being here,” Riku said to Vanitas later in the evening. Vanitas stood near the fire, his eyes glowing in the flickering light. 

“Good,” Vanitas whispered. A log split in the fire, startling Riku. The sound made Vanitas grin slowly, his teeth sparkling with a malevolence that made Riku increasingly uncomfortable.

“What kind of person are you, really?” Riku murmured. 

“The kind who wants everything for himself. Every thing I’ve ever done has been for my personal gain. And why not? We are born, we live, we die. Why not serve ourselves for the short time we have?”

“So you serve yourself by abusing your twin. You’re fucked up. Why aren’t you in jail?”

“Sora never pressed charges. Why don’t you ask him about it?” Vanitas asked, that grin ever present.

“I don’t like to see him in pain.”

“I do.”

“Maybe you should start looking in the mirror and seeing what kind of person you are,” Riku said. “It’s fucking scary.”

“Do I intimidate you, Riku? Does my presence make you uncomfortable?”

Vanitas walked over to where Riku stood and stepped into his personal space. Riku didn’t move. 

“If you’re not careful, I will single handedly tear down your entire circus freak family. It’s already started, look around you.” Vanitas took Riku’s chin in his fingers and squeezed gently. “Your fire dancer has already hurt many of you, and now that he’s actually burned someone, you think he’ll ever use his fire again? All of you have demons. Some are just nastier than others.”

Riku pushed Vanitas away. 

“Your friend. The other redhead. I hear she’s sick, too. Is she getting the proper help she needs?”

“Are you some kind of fucking psychic, too?” Riku spat. “Leave Kairi out of this. What happens to this troupe, _my family_ , is none of your concern.”

Vanitas slapped Riku’s cheek lightly with a flat hand. “Well. Be careful, Riku. Your family is falling apart.”

\--

Kairi didn’t have the strength to practice. Ventus was worrying about her from where he stood in the rafters, practicing with Roxas. 

“She’s gonna be okay, right?” he asked. 

Roxas nodded to his twin. “She’s strong. Encourage her. She’ll be fine.”

“I just...don’t know what to do to help her.” Roxas squeezed Ventus around the waist. 

“Love her. Be there for her. She just needs to know we’re here for her most of all, okay?”

Ventus nodded. “I...just worry.”

“I know you do, baby brother. Namine scares the shit out of all of us.”

Ventus laughed. “Speaking of being there for people…” Roxas rolled his eyes as Ventus continued. “Are you and Axel okay?”

“No,” Roxas grumbled. “We haven’t spoken in days. I’m so angry with him but I can’t bring myself to just go talk to him. I want to talk to him. I just...need some more time, I guess.”

“Are you boys gossiping or practicing?” Larxene called from her lighting chair across the rafters. 

Ventus waved an apology. “We’ll talk later, okay? I miss you.”

Roxas ruffled his twin’s hair. “Okay.”

Below, Kairi waved to Ventus and smiled, her stomach warm when he beamed down at her.

She was working with Vexen on a meal plan. She’d have to start slow since she’d been starving herself, but it was a start. She had to get stronger. As it stood, she hardly had enough strength to do practice. Everything she’d been eating was being rejected by her stomach.   
Kairi knew it was all mind over matter, but that was the hard part. So far she’d had some oatmeal in the morning and that was staying down, which was a miracle. In half an hour she’d have an apple and see how that went. 

She couldn’t let Ventus and the others down. Not now. She’d prove Namine wrong.

\---

“Terra, for the last time, I’m fine.” 

Terra frowned. “Do you feel fine? Do you need a pillow?” 

Aqua glared up at him from where she lay, her arm bandaged and in a sling against her chest. “I’m fine. Stop fussing over me! Go check the animals!”

“How are you feeling...baby-wise?”

“Not much different, I’m only a few weeks along, remember?” she asked. “Terra, you’re like a mother hen. Go do something! Let me rest.”

Terra sighed. He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Call if you need anything. I can hear you from the pen.”

“I will.”

Once Terra had left, Aqua felt herself able to breathe just a little easier. Terra was a lovely, wonderful man. She loved him a lot. But she also found him to be quite suffocating when he was worried. She hoped he’d get his act together in the time it took her to heal.

\--

Kairi found Sora by the fire pit in the light of dusk. She held two apples and a knife and approached quietly. 

“Sora?” she asked. He looked up at her, startled, but his expression relaxed when he saw it was her.

“Hi Kairi,” he replied softly. “Sorry I jumped.”

“It’s okay. I understand.” She stepped up next to him. “Can I sit with you?”

“Please,” he said, gesturing to the spot next to him.

She didn’t do it on purpose, but found herself settling into his side. Something about Sora was just comfortable to her. She cut a slice of apple and offered it to him. He took it without saying anything and pushed it into his mouth, chewing quietly.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it. And I don’t want to talk about my stuff. So can we agree to sit here and just enjoy each others’ company?” Kairi asked. 

Sora’s smile was faint. “We can talk about stuff that’s not related. How about that?” He turned to her and put an arm around her waist. “What kind of music do you like?”

Kairi smiled. “You want to know a secret? I like jazz...but I also like really heavy metal. But don’t tell anyone about the metal. I think they’d all laugh at me.”

Sora chuckled. “Jazz is great. Metal I don’t quite get, but hey, I can respect that.” 

“Xion, who used to work here with us until she passed away, used to listen to a lot of heavy stuff. She’d always share her headphones with me.”

“No one talks about her. Sore spot?” Sora asked. Kairi nodded.

“It was in the last couple of years. She got sick and passed away and we were all hit pretty hard...but no one as badly as Roxas.”

“Yeah. I heard they were together.”

“She didn’t tell him she was sick,” Kairi explained, passing Sora another apple slice.

“That’s….wow.”

“Some of us figured it out, but… She decided to keep it quiet, which I can respect.”

Sora sighed. “A lot of us have stuff we don’t want to deal with, I guess.”

Kairi nodded, taking an apple slice of her own. “We may be family here, but… I think we all know, you especially, that we don’t always want to talk to our family about our problems.”

Sora bowed his head. “I’m so embarrassed he’s here.”

“He won’t be for long.”

“I’m ...just ashamed I still let him get to me, you know?”

“He’s so creepy, Sora.”

“He’s the dark half, I guess,” Sora muttered. “He’s never been a good person.”

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about him?”

“Do you want to talk about your stuff instead?” Sora asked, squeezing the arm he had around her. She smiled.

“I guess not. Let’s talk about other stuff. We covered music. What about TV shows?”

Sora laughed. “Don’t laugh, but my favorite show growing up was Home Improvement.”

Kairi laughed anyway.

\--


	13. Requited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forgiveness.

Roxas and Axel hadn’t spoken since their fight. It had been close to two weeks, and everyone was beginning to lose their patience. 

It was almost like the fire had left all of them since Axel no longer seemed to have the energy to keep up with the troupe.

It didn’t stop them from practicing. And even though Axel couldn’t practice, he still attended to watch. 

Axel hadn’t used his fire since he’d burned Aqua. He was afraid to. He knew he could if he wanted to, but he just...didn’t feel like it.

Maybe that’s why he felt so dry, so empty. Or maybe he was so upset, so angry with himself that his fire had left him. 

Roxas and Ventus were practicing that morning, trying some new stunts together while some of the stagehands worked below. Axel frowned, noticing that the net hadn’t been set up, and that always made him nervous. The twins were a little reckless with their stunts. They’d fallen before, and the net had saved them from broken bones, or worse.

“Is anyone going to put the net up, or do we have to deal with a broken leg today?” Axel called to the stagehands. They rolled their eyes at him and waved him away.

Roxas smiled from where he sat on the trapeze. Even though they weren’t speaking, it still meant a lot to him that Axel was concerned for his safety. Axel glanced up at him, but didn’t return his smile. 

“He has a point, guys,” Ventus called down to them. “At least can you slide the mats out?” 

A few moments later and the large blue mats were slid across the ground to act as a cushion if necessary. 

Axel only felt a little better.

Aqua and Kairi were talking, their heads close together as they giggled about something. Maybe baby stuff. Who knew.

Terra was walking with the baby tiger at his side, a small lead loose around her neck. 

Everyone seemed unaware that something was about to go very, very wrong. But Axel could taste it in the air. Would the mats be enough?

Where was Namine to warn them?

Was this a test?

Axel swore it happened in slow motion. Roxas slipped somehow, fell through the air, yelling as he was dropping, and then stopped suddenly as his leg was tangled in the rope that was being used for their stunts. 

He dangled for a moment, relieved. Ventus dropped to the mats below and frowned. “Roxas, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll just...get down in a second,” his twin replied. But not before there was a horrific sound from above and they all looked in time to see the scaffolding start to buckle and fall. 

Axel felt his stomach tighten with fear and he acted out of impulse, shooting a blast of fire at the rope holding Roxas by his ankle. The rope burned through and Roxas was falling again, landing on the mat with a thump as Ventus quickly pulled him out of the way.

The scaffolding quickly tore through where the twins had just been sitting. 

Everyone stood still, stunned to silence as the dust settled.

It wasn’t long before Xemnas had stormed in. “What the hell was that racket?!” 

Sizing up the damage, he frowned. “Was anyone hurt?”

“No, sir.” Ventus shook his head and helped Roxas up. “Thanks to Axel’s quick thinking.”

Axel said nothing, but remained with his gaze fixed on Roxas. Roxas glanced at the redhead, but broke the eye contact quickly.

Xemnas glanced at Axel and frowned deeper. “Well. I guess we should get to fixing this. I’ll make some calls. Practice is over, get everyone out of here!”

Axel glanced back at Roxas as Xemnas left. 

Roxas had untied the rope from his ankle and was standing next to Ventus, looking slightly ashamed of himself. “...Thank you.”

“It was a reflex,” Axel whispered.

The rest of the troupe had cleared out of the tent, but Ventus and Roxas lingered. Axel sighed. “What is it?”

“I’m...sorry.”

Roxas’s eyes were downcast in shame. 

Axel didn’t know what to say.

Roxas sighed. “I’m sorry about what I said. I was out of line. I shouldn’t have said what I said to you. I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

Axel licked his lips. “You were out of line.”

“Can you...try to forgive me?”

“I’ve been trying. The whole two weeks we haven’t spoken I’ve been trying to tell myself you didn’t mean what you said. But how can we have a healthy relationship when whenever I kiss you you think about who else I’ve slept with? That’s not...what I want for us.”

“I know,” Roxas said softly. “And I’m sorry. I’m trying to get past that. I really am. Maybe I guess a part of me is jealous… You’ve experienced so much and I just...maybe feel left out.”

Axel let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. “Do you ever think that maybe that’s a good thing?” He shook his head. “Anyway. I accept your apology. I’m not sure...if I’m ready to carry on with our...whatever this is just yet, but. I’m not mad anymore.”

Ventus smiled, and looked at his brother, who while also looked devastated, had a bit of hope in his eyes. “Alright. I can accept that.”

“Good. See you around, Wonder Twins.”

 

\--

Fireside was eerily quiet that night. If any of the troupe had attended, they sat in silence, watching the fire which was already dim due to the lack of Axel’s magic supporting it.

Axel sat on the ground in the dirt, leaning against a log. He fiddled with a piece of kindling, cursing softly when he got a splinter in his thumb.

Kairi and Ventus sat next to each other, talking quietly. Sora tossed a small ball back and forth between his hands, his eyebrows furrowed. It seems Fireside was the only place Vanitas would leave him alone. And so here was where he’d stay until everyone left. And even then he might stay longer.

Riku was probably beating Vanitas up somewhere. Or trying to keep him off the grounds. It was hard to say, and currently, Sora didn’t care. As long as Riku was safe and Vanitas was far away. He knew Riku could take care of himself.

Namine approached the fire and Axel found himself groaning out loud. “What the fuck do you want, Seer?”

Namine’s steps were no longer soft and she stomped to the fire angrily, tears blurring her vision. “I’m here for one reason! You’re all idiots and I’m tired of you being afraid of me, for one, and for another, you all need to grow up and snap out of it or you’re all going to die!” Her hands were angry fists at her sides, and Sora could see them shaking. 

“You don’t mean that,” Kairi whispered.

“I think she means that if we don’t knock it off she’ll kill us herself,” Axel muttered with a smirk. 

Xemnas stepped into the circle and everyone stopped talking.

“If the Seer doesn’t, I certainly will.” The Ringmaster tucked his hands behind his back frowned. “I’m disappointed in all of you. Not one of you is exempt from this. You’re all behaving out of character, and it’s going to cost me, and you, this circus, your home. Think about what you’re doing. Think about your behavior. If this pandemic of sickness, sadness, anger and whatever else continues, I’m shutting this circus down and you’re all without jobs.”

“You can’t -!” Ventus cried, standing. Xemnas silenced him with a glare. 

“I most certainly can, and I will. Don’t test me. I don’t know if it’s the arrival of our juggler’s brother that’s put poison into all of you, but whatever it is, it needs to stop. If things haven’t resolved by the end of the week, I’m shutting all of this down.”

Sora didn’t say anything, but his hands shook and tears slid down his cheeks as shame buried him. This was all his fault. If he hadn’t joined their circus, Vanitas wouldn’t have stayed and ruined this family. 

Xemnas turned and left the circle, leaving everyone in stunned silence.

 

\--

 

Two more nights passed after Roxas had apologized to Axel for his behavior. The night was quiet and Axel was lying on his bed, reading by light of a lantern next to him, trying not to think about Xemnas’s warning. All of them were trying to pretend it hadn’t happened.

Roxas stepped through the flaps of Axel’s tent and shut them behind him, tying the straps together “just in case”. 

Axel frowned. “Hey. What….are you doing here?”

“I’m tired of waiting for you. We fought, I apologized. You forgave me. You’ve been patient with me and now I’m tired of being patient with you.” 

Axel licked his lips, his mouth suddenly very dry. “...Okay?”

Roxas lowered himself onto Axel’s bed where the redhead sat and straddled his hips. “With your permission, because consent is cool,” Roxas said with a grin, “I’d love for you to fuck me.”

“Are you serious?”

“You know me, Axel. I’m always serious.” Roxas’s grin turned into a smirk and he peeled off his shirt. “Now are you going to undress me or will I have to do it myself?”

“Woah, hold on a second,” Axel said with a laugh, his hands on Roxas’s hips. “We haven’t spoken in almost two weeks, what makes you think I want to just pick up where we left off?”

Roxas’s smirk turned wicked as he ground his hips down against Axel’s. “You might say one thing, but another part of you is telling me otherwise.”

“Fuck,” Axel cursed. “You’re killing me,” he said with a frown at the lower half of his body.

Roxas laughed. “So...Can we?”

Axel mused for a moment. He knew he wasn’t just going to tell Roxas to get lost. Not when he’d wanted him for this long. “Let’s just go easy, okay? You haven’t done this before… I don’t want to rush you.”

“Fucking hell, Axel. Why is it that you only hold back on _me_?”

Axel sighed. “Did you ever think that maybe I care about you, and what you think of me, and that maybe I don’t want to be like that anymore?”

“We’ve been seeing each other for awhile now. We love each other. Once upon a time that was enough,” Roxas murmured. “Can you at least kiss me. I haven’t tasted your cigarette kisses in weeks and I think I’m going to die.”

“Cigarette kisses?”

“You always taste like smoke,” Roxas said. “Has...no one ever told you that?”

Axel shook his head slowly. “I don’t… Roxas, I haven’t smoked since you stopped talking to me.”

“Really?”

“I can’t light cigarettes without fire. I don’t carry matches. I don’t know, I just...haven’t really felt like it.” Axel looked so sad in that moment that Roxas leaned forward and kissed him gently. 

“Please just kiss me. Kiss me until you forget about your powers, or lack of powers. Kiss me until we can’t breathe. Kiss me until I forget about how I could have died the other day if you hadn’t acted so quickly.”

Axel sighed. “You’re so desperate.”

“I hate to admit it. But it’s true. Ven’s tired of my whining.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Axel asked. 

Roxas nodded. “Why do you think I came to you and asked if _you_ wanted to do this?”

“Fair enough. But...if you change your mind at any point, just say so and we can stop. Okay?”

“I don’t want to stop.”

“We haven’t even started,” Axel laughed. 

Roxas pulled Axel’s shirt over his head. “No more talking.”

“Yes sir.” Axel didn’t mind how aggressive Roxas was when they fooled around. He found it rather refreshing. He also didn’t mind being told what to do.  
Maybe that’s why they worked well together.

As they kissed, Axel felt something inside his chest swelling with pain, though not unpleasant. He wrapped his arms tightly around Roxas and pulled the blonde down onto the bed next to him as time slipped away. 

Eventually, Roxas broke the kiss to smile. 

“What is it?” Axel whispered. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. It’s just...you tasted a little like smoke just now.” Roxas’s smile broke Axel’s heart. How could he not be afraid of him? 

“Sorry,” Axel said. “I don’t think I can help it.”

Roxas ran a fingertip over the tattoo on Axel’s left cheek. “Did you think that maybe it means you’re getting your powers back?”

“Who knows. Let’s just...not think about it right now.”

“Good plan,” Roxas gasped as Axel trailed kisses down Roxas’s chest, tasting the skin, teasing his nipples gently with his teeth.

Axel’s hands deftly undid Roxas’s pants, and Axel looked up to get his permission before continuing, but Roxas had already lifted his hips to assist in their removal. 

Roxas was already trying to wiggle out of his boxers, but Axel stilled his hands with his own. “Patience,” he murmured, sealing Roxas’s arguments with a kiss. 

Roxas’s hands found their way instead to Axel’s hair, pulling with vigor. Axel eventually trusted Roxas enough to be quiet once he’d broken the kiss and worked on teasing the skin on the blond’s collarbone with his teeth, his hands busy with Roxas’s waistband. 

“Stop wasting time,” Roxas panted, gasping when Axel nipped at his skin. 

“Stop being so pushy. Half the fun of this is teasing you.” As if to prove a point, Axel squeezed the front of Roxas’s boxers lightly. 

Roxas groaned, but his groan quickly turned into a curse. “Axel, cut it out!”

“If you keep begging me like this I’m just going to take longer,” Axel said with a sly smile. He reached down and slipped Roxas out of his boxers with one deft hand. 

Roxas sighed. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just-”

“It’s okay to be nervous.”

“Who said I was nervous?”

Axel’s smile was gentle as he kissed Roxas’s forehead. “As soon as your boxers came off your hands started shaking.”

“Shit.”

“Don’t think I don’t notice these things. Remember, if you want to stop at any time, I will. Just say the word.”

Roxas sighed. “Okay. I promise. But...Axel? I need you to touch me. Like right now.”

Axel figured Roxas deserved a little attention, and wrapped his long fingers around Roxas’s erection. “Already ready for me? I’m so flattered.”

Roxas’s groan turned into a whimper as he slung an arm over his eyes. “Just...do something. I’m going to die.”

“You keep saying that. It would seem you place a lot of trust in my ability to keep you alive,” Axel murmured, removing his fingers and taking Roxas into his mouth.

Roxas saw stars. He’d never expected this was where he’d find himself had he looked forward a few months ago, but he wasn’t disappointed. If anything, he was proud of himself. And this was awesome. Axel...really knew what he was doing.

Axel had one hand on his hip to keep Roxas still, which the blond was thankful for. It was taking all of his strength to keep his hips still. Axel’s mouth felt incredible. Roxas had moved his arm from his eyes down to his mouth to bite his fist to keep quiet. After all, if he wasn’t careful, he’d make a lot of noise and he didn’t exactly need an audience. Or a lot of knowing grins in the morning. 

He’d probably get them anyway.

Axel released Roxas before he was ready, earning a whine from the blond, but Axel shook his head. “Trust me,” he whispered, reaching for something from nearby behind his bed. 

“Are you ready?” Axel asked gently. He was holding a tube in his hand. “You can say no. I don’t mind.”

Roxas, flushed and angry, shook his head. “I need you inside me.”

Axel raised his eyebrows. “There’s something I never thought I’d hear you say.”

“Just do it!” Roxas begged. “Please…”

Axel quickly slipped out of the rest of his clothes. “Okay, okay, hang on.” 

“Hurry up!” Roxas demanded. Axel chuckled. 

“Fuck off. You’ve never done this before; we’re not cutting corners. We’re gonna do this properly.”

“Axel. I’m going to die, or I’m going to kill you. I can’t decide which one is going to happen first.”

Axel scoffed. “Do you want me to prep you or not, because your choices are internal damage or a really good time. Trust me. You want to take the time.” 

Roxas groaned. “Just...do something.”

“So demanding,” Axel muttered, smearing lube over his fingers. “You’re lucky I’ll do this for you. I might be so rude as to make you do it yourself and get off on that.”

“This is cruel.”

“I haven’t even begun to tease you, my love.”

Roxas sighed, frustrated. Axel leaned forward until he was facing Roxas again, using a free hand to lift one of Roxas’s legs up over his hip.

“Okay. Ready? Try not to tense up, but it’s natural if you do.” 

“You’re talking a lot. It’s killing the mood.” 

Axel laughed. “Shut up. I’m just trying to help. This might be weird, I want you to know what to expect.”

“Why are you being so accommodating?” Roxas asked. Axel shrugged and kissed his forehead. 

“Because I never got that chance when it was my turn.” 

Roxas sighed, studying Axel’s face. “I’m...sorry.”

“It’s in the past,” Axel whispered. He leaned forward to kiss Roxas softly as he pressed a finger slowly inside him. Roxas gasped against his mouth. 

“You okay?” Axel murmured. 

“Mmh,” Roxas managed, chewing his lower lip. “That’s a little weird, you’re right. But...also good.”

“Just wait,” Axel said with a gentle grin. 

Axel was patient in the ways Roxas was not, and prepped him slowly, gently, stretching Roxas until the blond was panting for him. 

“How about now?” Roxas begged. “Please?”

“Can you let me enjoy the sound of you begging like this?” Axel asked with a chuckle. He reached for a condom from the box near his bed and tried not to laugh as Roxas whined when Axel removed his fingers.

“Patience, love. Almost time,” Axel whispered, slipping the condom on himself. “You ready?” Roxas glared at him so hard Axel almost felt it burning, but the sight of Roxas panting was more than enough to make him ignore the anger.

Axel didn’t use words to guide Roxas anymore. Words were no longer necessary. Roxas practically did it himself, squeezing Axel with his ankles, pulling Axel inside him by his hips. 

Axel took a deep breath. “You okay?” 

“Give me a second…” Roxas breathed. Axel kissed him gently. 

“Take as much time as you need.”

It was only a few moments, and they spent those moments looking at each other, breath heavy, touches gentle. 

“I’m ready,” Roxas said. 

“Okay. I’ll go slow. You tell me what you need.”

Roxas smiled. “If I didn’t know you, I’d say you were a different person. So aggressive outside the tent, but in here -”

“You matter more than my anger does,” Axel said, kissing Roxas’s temple. 

Roxas tightened his legs around Axel’s hips. “That’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Axel smiled. “You make me a better person, I guess.” Axel used Roxas’s facial expressions as his gauge once he began moving his hips. 

It was hard to control himself, almost, but looking at Roxas’s face, his cheeks flushed, his eyes half closed, he knew he could control it. He had the strength. 

“You feel incredible,” Axel whispered against Roxas’s lips. “So incredible.”

Roxas couldn’t form words. Not right now. Axel had taken him by the hips and shifted him slightly, hoping for the best. 

The only word Roxas could manage was “deeper” which Axel took as a good sign, and wrapped Roxas’s legs tighter around him. 

“I love you, I love you,” Axel whispered again and again, his touch feather light, his kisses even lighter. Roxas could have sworn he saw tears gathering in Axel’s eyes. 

“What is it?” Roxas whispered, brushing his fingertips over Axel’s cheek. “Why are you-?”

“I’m not, I just…” Axel sighed and rested his forehead on Roxas’s collarbone. “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed.” 

“That’s okay,” Roxas replied, kissing Axel’s hair. “I’m surprised. If anyone should be overwhelmed it’s me.”

“I’m stunned by how well you’re handling all of this.”

“Stop worrying about me, do what you need to do. I’m fine now,” Roxas said, putting both his hands on Axel’s cheeks. “I can take it.”

Axel sighed. “You sure?”

“I’ll tell you if I change my mind.”

Axel smiled. “We’ve got a good system.”

“Shut up and fuck me like you mean it.”

Axel didn’t need to be told twice. He pushed Roxas hard, watching his face for any indication of discomfort, but Roxas was making delicious noises so it was hard to concentrate. 

“You have to be close,” Roxas panted. “You can’t not be.” 

“You’ll find I’m excellent with controlling that,” Axel said. “I bet you we could finish at the same time, or close.” 

Roxas wrapped his arms around Axel’s shoulders, holding onto him as Axel sat him up to straddle his hips again. 

This was strangely more intimate, Roxas found, as he faced Axel, looking down at him, completely absorbed by Axel’s gaze, offering a soft moan as Axel took him in one hand and stroked slowly, timing each stroke to their movements. 

It didn’t take long, as Axel had promised, before Roxas ground his teeth and tangled his fingers in Axel’s hair, spilling into Axel’s hand. Axel was seconds behind, and gathered Roxas’s limp body against his own before he lay them down to catch their breath. 

In what seemed like a skill Roxas couldn’t fathom, Axel cleaned up quickly with one hand and discarded both tissues and condom with a swift throw to his garbage bin.

Roxas frowned, settling against Axel’s chest. “I feel...really empty.”

Axel shrugged. “I could go again in a few minutes,” he joked. Roxas glanced up at him and laughed. 

“You serious?”

“I figure you probably need a bit of time though.” The redhead trailed his fingers up Roxas’s arm up to his face. “Was that okay though?”

“I don’t think the sounds you got out of me constitute a simple ‘okay’.”

“Damn, I must be off my game. I’ll aim to do better next time.”

Roxas laughed. “Axel. That was really good. Thank you for being so gentle with me.”

Axel kissed him softly. “It was my pleasure. Quite literally.”

Roxas smiled. “I love you,” he whispered.

Axel’s eyes widened. “Wh- Really?”

“You know that.”

“Yeah, but you’ve never said it before!” Axel replied excitedly.

“Well. I do. I probably won’t tell you a lot. It’s not really...Just trust me, okay?”

Axel kissed him. “Good, yes, okay, I trust you.”

“Your hands are really hot,” Roxas breathed, frowning. “I...are you okay?”

“Sorry, are they burning you?” Axel asked, startled, pulling his hands away. Roxas shook his head. 

“No, not yet. Just...what’s happening?”

Axel leaned back and looked at his hands, his forearms. His veins appeared to be glowing red in the semi-darkness of the tent. “...What…?”

Roxas smiled. “Is that...your fire?”

Axel frowned. “It...it’s never looked like this before.”

“Does that mean it’s come back to you?” Roxas asked, sitting up. He ran his fingertips over Axel’s glowing veins and smiled. “It’s beautiful.”

“I...think it has,” Axel breathed, awed. “I’m scared.” 

Roxas smiled wider and kissed Axel’s forearms. “I’m not. I trust you. Believe in yourself, and all that uplifting shit.”

Axel met Roxas’s eyes, his own wide with fear. “Last time I used it…”

“You saved me.”

“That was a reflex. The time before that was…on purpose. And I hurt-”

“Stop it. That was awhile ago. You’re better now. You can control it. Want to go outside and give it a try?”

Axel raised an eyebrow. “Really? You don’t want to stay in here and fuck until the sun comes up?”

“Well, yeah. But I could use a break. I’m getting kinda hungry.” Roxas laughed. “Come on. Get dressed. Let’s see what you can do.”

 

\--

No one was at the fire pit. Axel pretended not to notice how the bonfire surged when he walked by. Roxas didn’t miss it.

Axel kept walking until Roxas realized he was heading for the lake. 

“Just in case,” Axel announced, as if he could hear Roxas’s question.

Roxas decided it best to keep quiet. In the light of the moon, all Roxas could see in front of him was the glow of the veins in Axel’s forearms. As if the fire had come back tenfold. As if it had forgiven him for his mistreatment.

Perhaps a shift in attitude was all Axel needed. A humbling, of a kind.

Roxas stayed a few steps back, and sat gingerly on a rock to watch. He could hear Axel’s breathing, calming. 

Axel raised his arms to either side of him and let out a deep breath he’d been holding. 

Fire erupted from his hands and split into an arc across the sky with heat Roxas could feel from twenty feet away. 

Axel let out a whoop of excitement. He turned to Roxas, his smile contagious, so inviting, Roxas couldn’t help but smile back. “You did it!”

Axel started laughing. “I did! I...have my fire back.” Axel let out a scream that startled both of them. “ _I HAVE MY FIRE BACK!_ ”

Roxas hugged him tightly. “It never left.”

Axel sighed, melting against Roxas’s body. “Well. I guess that means I’m still on the team, hey?”

Roxas grinned, looking up at Axel, his eyes sparkling. “I guess so.”

“Shall we go back to my tent and carry on with our plans?”

“You’re not tired?”

“I’m so super charged up I doubt I’ll sleep at all,” Axel admitted sheepishly. “Sorry. I’ll give you a break in the middle.”

Roxas laughed. “You got it.”

\--


	14. Grand Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay. Along with the holidays, we moved, and had no internet since the third week of December until TODAY! 
> 
> I apologize profusely. I hope you like the final chapter!

 

Axel invited everyone to Fireside that evening. The last evening. The evening that they had to have their ‘shit sorted’.

Maybe that night he could set Vanitas on fire and that would count.

Axel knew all he could do by this point was to dance for them.

He’d show them they had their shit sorted.

\---

“You’re telling me that if I go out on a date with you you’ll go away?”

“Not exactly. I’m offering you a night on the town. We can have fun, do date stuff, the usual. I’ll be a perfect gentleman unless you tell me not to -” He grinned. “I know you probably won’t. But I want a kiss at the end of the night.”

“One kiss?”

“One kiss.”

Ventus shifted his weight nervously from foot to foot. Why would he even ask this next question? “...What kind of kiss?”

Vanitas grinned. “If you have to ask, then you know what kind of kiss.”

Ventus licked his lips and sighed. “You promise you’ll leave us alone?”

“That’s why I’m talking about this with you and not with an audience,” Vanitas said.

Ventus shrugged. “You promise you’ll behave yourself?”

“Scouts honor,” Vanitas said with a grin that was less than savoury. 

“...Fine. But I’m only doing this for the troupe.”

“And because you’re curious about me,” Vanitas offered. “Meet me at the entrance tomorrow at seven.”

Ventus sighed, defeated, as Vanitas sauntered away.

\--

Aqua watched Axel dance with tears running down her cheeks. He danced as he always did, seducing the crowd, wooing his audience with the movement of his hips, but there was something in his eyes that was different. He was...at peace. He was completely calm. There was no anger. The passion from the fire was from passion in his heart. And it was absolutely beautiful on him.

The fire swirled around him in perfect arcs, going exactly where he told it to, and he drew it to the fire as the music drew to a close, the bonfire whooshing into a pillar of fire, calming down as Axel bowed and the audience applauded.

Axel let the applause die down as he rushed over to where Aqua was seated and knelt in front of her. He reached for her burned arm. “I’m so sorry this happened in my ignorance. I was afraid of dealing with my feelings, and hurt you in the process. Please forgive me.”

She nodded. “You know I was never angry with you, Axel.”

“May...I see your burns?” he asked gently. 

She offered him her hand, frowning. “...They’re wrapped up.”

“That’s okay. Just trust me, okay?”

Aqua nodded. “Alright.”

Axel closed his eyes and took her burned hand in both of his. His palms glowed red, his veins glowing up his forearms. Aqua gasped as her bandages began to burn off. Terra stood, ready to push Axel away, but Aqua held up her free hand to calm him. “Wait!”

Tears collected in Aqua’s eyes as she held up her arm and pulled off the rest of the bandages, her arm completely healed.

“How?” she whispered. 

Axel kissed her newly healed hand and smiled, his eyes gentle. “I still don’t know. But let that be the last thing I ever give you. Be well, you and Terra and the baby. I’m excited for you.”

Aqua let out a sob and nodded. “I forgive you, Axel. Thank you.”

Axel smiled and turned away from her, looking over at Roxas, who was also smiling fondly. 

“Well. That’s that, then.” Xemnas nodded. “I see my fire dancer is well, as is my animal trainer, and I have no idea how. But at this point I don’t see it necessary to ask questions.”

“Are we still fired?” Sora asked. Kairi, who sat next to him, chuckled to herself.

Xemnas turned to Sora and frowned. “So far, no. Will your brother be leaving soon?” 

“I’ve been trying to convince him to leave since he got here, Sir.”

“I don’t see him here,” Xemnas remarked.

Sora nodded. “He said he had somewhere else to be and that he’d...come back to say goodbye. So I’m hoping that means for good.”

“I’m hoping the same, for your sake, Juggler.”

Xemnas walked away, and the rest of the troupe looked at each other in stunned silence before erupting into sighs of relief, laughter, and smatterings of applause.

They’d be okay. 

\--

Axel sat across from Ventus at the fire once everyone had dispersed and smiled faintly. “What’s up, kid?”

“I think Kairi’s mad at me.”

“What did you do?”

“I think...it’s more like what I didn’t do.”

Axel shifted in his seat, trying to hide his grin. “Let me guess. She went down and you didn’t reciprocate.” He gauged Ven’s blush and laughed. “Am I close?”

Ven sighed. “I don’t know if I should talk to you about this.”

“Why, because I’m fucking your brother?” Axel asked. 

Ventus frowned. “No.”

Axel shrugged. “Well, kid, who else will you talk to about this with? I’m kind of an expert.”

“On actually doing sex stuff,” Ven replied, almost angrily. “What do you know about none of it?”

Axel raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?” 

“All of you are sleeping with someone. I ...feel a little out of place because I’m not.”

“Why aren’t you? Is she not ready?”

Ventus hung his head in what looked like shame. “No, it’s not her. I think...it’s me. I mean, we were making out the other night and she asked me if I was enjoying it because it didn’t seem like I was.”

Axel smirked knowingly. “Are you not attracted to her?” 

“I am, I just don’t think I want her like...that.”

“Do you look at guys ‘like that’?” 

“No! I mean, no.” Ventus shot Axel an apologetic glance. “I just have never really felt any sort of attraction like that for anyone. I want to be near her and I love holding her and she smells good and she’s soft and I really love kissing her, but that’s it.” Ventus wrung his hands together nervously. “Axel, is something wrong with me?”

Axel smiled gently and leaned forward. “Not at all, kid. Have you ever thought you might be asexual?”

“That...that’s a thing?” Ventus asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Of course. It’s not as common, but it doesn’t make you less normal than anyone else.”

“What does it mean?”

“Well, it primarily means you don’t feel sexual attraction to others. But there are subgenres and it gets a little muddled, so I’ll put it this way: there’s nothing wrong with you. If you don’t want to sleep with her, or anyone for that matter, it’s not anyone’s business but your own.”

“What if she wants to?”

“That’s why you need to talk about it with her. She might want to. She might not want to. That’s why communication is so important.”

“What if she breaks up with me?”

“She might. But that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. If you can’t give her what she wants from a partner, then it isn’t fair to either of you to stay. Or, you could have an open relationship, but let’s face it - That’s another can of worms and you really don’t seem the type.” Axel steepled his fingers and grinned. “Look. Sex is made to be complicated but it doesn’t have to be. If you love her, and change your mind, then have sex with her. But only on your own terms. As long as you’re both consenting, you can do whatever you want. That’s the most important part.”

“Axel...you sound like you speak from experience.”

Axel snorted and leaned back against the log he was sitting on. “I always speak from experience.”

“Why are you...helping me?”

“Because. You sound like you’re being pressured into something you don’t want and that’s not what I want for my family. I never got the opportunity to choose. You still do.”

“You…?”

“Old news. My first time was taken from me. I don’t want that for anyone else. I want everyone to make good, safe, consensual decisions. Sure, I sleep around a lot, but everyone I’ve slept with has wanted to.”

Ventus mulled over Axel’s words while watching the fire for a few moments in silence. 

“So… Question.”

Axel chuckled. “Go for it.”

“I don’t feel any...desire for her right now. Does that mean...it might change?”

“It could. But it might not. Everyone’s different. Who knows. Maybe if you guys are still dating in a couple of years and you change your mind, you might make things work. It’s all up to you, okay?”

Ventus smiled softly, his eyes watery with gratitude. “Thanks Axel. You’re...a good big brother.”

“I do what I can, kid.”

“Can you never, ever say you’re ‘fucking my brother’ ever again?”

Axel laughed.

“But that was a good talk. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

“You going for a walk?” Axel asked as Ventus got up and turned towards the entrance to the circus. Ventus hesitated. 

“...Yeah. I’ll be back later.”

\-- 

Vanitas didn’t talk a lot, but neither did Ventus. Vanitas asked the right questions, where are you from, what kind of childhood did you have, do you like where you’re working, etc, and seemed to be generally interested in what Ventus told him.

Ventus didn’t want to know anything in return, which wasn’t a surprise to Vanitas. He told him enough anyway.

They got ice cream at a little soda shop in town and walked around, stopping at the park to use the swing set while they talked.

“I don’t understand,” Ventus said, sitting down on one of the swings. “You’re so nasty to all of us. Why are you so...different right now?”

“Being a villain is rather exhausting,” Vanitas said. “Besides. I can’t scare you off before I get my kiss. I know you all want me to leave. I know I overstayed my welcome. But I can be nice sometimes.”

Ventus licked his lips nervously, knowing he was walking on thin ice with his next question. “Why is Sora so afraid of you?”

“You really want to ask that question, Ventus?” Vanitas asked, raising an eyebrow. His smirk suggested Ventus should retract the question.

“I’m not sure. But all I can tell is that he’s afraid of you and you’re super inappropriate. He’s your twin brother.”

“You never thought about your own brother like that?” Vanitas asked with a half-sneer.

Ventus frowned. “No. He’s my other half. You’re gross.”

“Well. I’ve been called worse. Let me just...explain it in a way you will understand.” Vanitas swung his legs out in front of him as he kicked off from the sand and swung forward, holding tight to the chains.

“I was born first. I’ve always seen most of the world as mine. So why shouldn’t I take what belongs to me?”

Ventus frowned, uncomfortable. “...You…”

“-Are scary, despicable, disgusting, etcetera, etcetera. I know. I’ve heard it all before. I know what I am. Why bother trying to change?” he asked. He dug his feet into the sand and stopped the swing abruptly. “There’s no sense forcing you to be here when you obviously don’t want to be. Normally that wouldn’t bother me, but I kinda like you for some reason. So I’ll collect my kiss and be on my way.” 

“You...won’t follow me back to the circus?”

“I promised I’d leave you alone.”

“What about Sora?” Ventus asked, his fingers tightening around the chains. Vanitas stepped into Ventus’s space, until Ventus could feel Vanitas’s body heat radiating from his thin black t-shirt. 

Ventus clenched his teeth as Vanitas drew his index finger up the front of Ventus’s shirt and tilted his chin so his face was lifted towards him.

“What about him? He’s my brother. If he wants his family, he’ll come back to me. He might anyway. Or maybe he’s grown up and doesn’t want me anymore. Who knows. He can make his own choices. I’m just here to pollute every choice he ever makes. I’ll always be in the back of his head, no matter what. He won’t forget me. He can’t. We’re bound together, just like you and your twin are.” Vanitas shrugged. “I know I said I’d say goodbye to him, but if I don’t, it’ll keep him on his toes. I like thinking that he looks over his shoulder all the time, hoping I won’t be there.”

Ventus swallowed loudly, his fingers white on the chains.

“Why are _you_ afraid of me, Ventus?” Vanitas asked with a grin, his lips inches from Ventus’s.

“You’re not a nice person,” Ventus whispered. 

“You knew that going in to this.” Vanitas smiled gently, his teeth glinting in the semi-darkness as the sun went down behind them. Ventus felt fear in the pit of his stomach as Vanitas’s eyes flashed gold. 

Ventus was glad he hadn’t agreed to sleep with him. A kiss seemed like...not a very equivalent exchange to make Vanitas go away. But if that’s what he wanted, Ventus would oblige.

“Well, get it over with then,” Ven muttered. Vanitas leaned in and met his lips, gentle at first, which Ventus admitted felt pretty nice. But only for a split second. 

Vanitas’s fingers slipped around to the back of Ventus’s neck and secured themselves in his hair as his kiss became aggressive.

He wasn’t so rough as to hurt Ventus, but it definitely wasn’t a gentle kiss. Ventus returned it as best he could, his eyebrows furrowed with worry, his eyes shut tightly. 

Ventus seemed to relax for a half second when Vanitas slowed his kiss, painfully gentle. Ventus couldn’t control it - he moaned in his throat. Softly, but it was enough. 

Vanitas broke the kiss for a brief moment before taking Ventus’s bottom lip into his mouth and biting it, earning a startled, yet not unpleasant gasp from Ventus. 

Vanitas forced his tongue into Ventus’s mouth and smiled when he felt Ventus pushing at his chest to get away.

“You said one kiss!” Ventus protested once he’d broken free. Vanitas grinned, his eyes glinting with wickedness.

“But you taste like ice cream, and how can you deny me such a thing?”

“This wasn’t the agreement,” Ventus said, frowning. He escaped from the swing and stepped back, out of Vanitas’s reach. 

“Ease up, kid. Jeez, you’d think I’d grabbed your ass or something.”

“I held up my end of the bargain,” Ventus said, his hands trembling. “Now leave us alone.”

“As you wish. But it is in my character to let you know that when I jerk off tonight, and for a long time to come, I will think of you and that delicious little sound you made.”

Ventus ground his teeth together, ready for a protest, but decided against it. “Good riddance,” he grumbled. The blond shoved his hands in his pockets and stormed out of the park back towards the circus. 

Vanitas sat on the swing Ventus had previously been occupying and chuckled, rubbing the front of his jeans briefly. “Yep. Gonna be a good one tonight.” He watched Ventus walk away and shook his head. “Incredible.”

\---

Ventus threw an arm over Roxas’s shoulders as he left the bonfire, Ven approaching from the entrance, back from his ‘walk’. 

“‘Sup Ven?” Roxas asked, grinning at his twin.

“Let’s hang out. I never see you anymore.”

Roxas blushed. “Sorry, I know. My fault. Where do you want to go?”

“I just want to talk to you. You don’t sleep in my tent with me anymore, and I miss you. Let’s just catch up, ok?” 

Roxas nodded. “Cool. Fries? Ice cream?”

“Both, obviously.”

Once they had their food, the twins sat at an empty bench. The grounds were quiet tonight. The troupe was milling about, by the fire, in their tents, at the lake. From a distance, Roxas could see Terra training the baby tiger.

“What’s up, Ven?”

“How are things?” Ventus asked, stuffing fries into his mouth.

“I’m not stupid, Ven. What do you want to know?”

Ventus shoved a few more fries into his mouth, hoping to buy time, as well as to cover his blush. His discomfort. He wanted to think about anything but what had happened earlier. “Nothing.”

“Ventus. Mirror.”

Ventus groaned. “Really?”

“Did I stutter?”

Ven’s blush grew deeper. “I’m just...sort of wondering what…it’s like...to have sex with Axel.”

“Seriously?”

Ventus frowned, embarrassed. “I’ll kill you if you make me repeat myself.”

“Why do you ask?” Roxas asked softly. 

“Because I’m still a virgin, you big dope! I just am asking because I’m curious.”

Roxas sighed. “I’m just bugging you, baby brother. Easy.” Roxas reached across the bench and ruffled his twin’s hair. “What about it do you want to know?”

“What’s it like?” Ven asked softly.

“It’s… How do I describe it. Exhilarating. Desperate. Passionate. Emotional, sometimes. Umm…”

Ven frowned. “Really?” 

“Axel is surprisingly accommodating.”

“I hate to ask what that means.”

“It means he’s really considerate of his lovers. He always wants to make sure I’m having a good time.”

“...And you are?”

“Ven. I can’t believe some of the orgasms I’ve had.”

Roxas’s twin brother blushed so hard his face appeared purple. “Okay, I think I’ve heard enough.”

“Ven, why are you asking me this?” Roxas asked. “Are you and Kairi…?” 

Ventus shoved a fist full of fries against his face and took a few hurried bites. “No!” he murmured through a mouthful of potato. “I said I was asking because I was curious. Okay?”

Roxas sighed. “Okay, okay. I won’t push. But if you want to talk about it...or, anything. We’re still brothers, Ven. I haven’t gone anywhere just because I’m in a relationship now.” 

The twins finished their food in a tight silence. 

“I miss you too,” Roxas finally whispered.

\--

Roxas was halfway between asleep and awake on Axel’s bed when Axel entered the tent. He surveyed the situation and frowned.

Roxas stirred and opened his eyes, rolling onto his back as Axel approached him, climbing onto the bed and straddling his hips.

“Hi,” Roxas murmured. Axel didn’t say anything, and Roxas knew what was going on. It was going to be like that, then.

Roxas pushed himself up and into Axel’s proximity, hovering close to his face to feel his heat, Axel’s eyes half-lidded, glazed with lust, his lips parted, waiting.

Roxas stayed still, almost waiting, a hand lingering on Axel’s stomach, just near the hem of his tshirt. Axel leaned in and broke their contact, lifting Roxas’s shirt over his head and throwing it to the floor. 

Roxas moved to return the favor but Axel captured his wrists and pushed him back into the bed, shifting and parting Roxas’s legs with his knee. 

“Fuck,” Roxas swore when Axel released one wrist to pull Roxas’s leg over his hip. Axel still hadn’t kissed him. Roxas knew this was on purpose.

Axel’s hips ground down, slow, hard, and Roxas couldn’t contain his groan, tilting his head back into the pillow. Axel took advantage of his exposed throat and traced his tongue over the thin skin, tasting lightly before biting at his collar.

Roxas managed to free his other hand and reached for Axel’s hips, pulling on them as tightly as he could manage, pressing them together as Axel rolled his hips against him, too impatient to lose any more clothes, too eager to please and be pleased.

Roxas’s vision was growing hazy with each movement, his face flushed with pleasure. Axel’s fingernails weren’t long, but they still left marks when he dragged them over Roxas’s bare skin, his fingers settling on Roxas’s ass to hold him tightly in place. Axel finally lifted his head so Roxas could see his face, and felt a rush of pleasure when he saw Axel’s expression nearly as undone as his own.

Roxas moved his hands to undo his pants, to get closer, but it was almost too late. Axel shook his head and held Roxas’s wrists above his head, leaning in and kissing Roxas in what felt like punishment.

Axel was all teeth today, biting Roxas’s lower lip, nipping his tongue, bringing sounds from Roxas’s throat he didn’t think possible.

Almost there.

Roxas freed a hand to tangle in Axel’s hair, the redhead hissing as he pulled. His green eyes were angry, passionate, driven. Axel leaned forward, slowing his movements just enough to make Roxas angry, tracing his tongue over the blond’s lower lip. 

Roxas ground his teeth in anger. “Finish what you started,” he nearly snarled, earning a wicked grin from his lover.

Axel’s heat almost completely disappeared, to Roxas’s disappointment, to realize that Axel was kneeling before him, reaching for the front of Roxas’s pants, undoing them slowly.

“Come on, quit fucking teasing me,” Roxas begged. Axel grinned. He still hadn’t said anything.

He tugged Roxas’s pants and boxers down over his thighs and returned to his place above Roxas, his hand firmly wrapped around his length. “What do you want me to do, Roxas?” Axel breathed against the blond’s mouth. “Shall I finish you this way, or do you want my mouth?”

Roxas covered his face with his hands. “I don’t fucking care, just deal with it or I’ll kill you!” 

Axel grinned and waited a moment for Roxas to move his hands, leaning in to kiss Roxas deeply so he could catch Roxas’s moans in his mouth, his favorite. Axel stroked slowly, to Roxas’s impatience, and the blond found himself _whimpering_. 

“Axel, please,” Roxas whined, and hated how Axel grinned, how much he loved it. 

“I like it when you beg me,” Axel whispered. “Come on. Beg me to finish you.”

“Fucking hell, Axel, I’ll kill you, I swear it -”

“Beg,” Axel repeated, nipping at the thin skin on Roxas’s neck. 

Roxas didn’t make it that far, as Axel’s final, extra slow stroke brought him over the edge. The blond let out a groan of relief and fell back against the bed, panting heavily. 

Axel grinned. “Maybe next time, then.”

Roxas shook his head. “Fuck off.”

\--

Sora frowned. It was now well after midnight, most of the troupe had gone to bed. “Ven, what do you mean he isn’t coming back? Where were you earlier?” Sora paused and the color drained from his face. “Ven, what did you do?” He took the blond by the shoulders. _“What did you do?!?”_

“I...went on a date with him. He said that was the deal. If I went on a date with him he’d leave us alone.” They stood together at the fire, the flames burning brightly in the heat of their conversation.

“He...did?” Sora raised an eyebrow. “I know my brother. It’s not as simple as that. Did he touch you?” 

“He kissed me.” Ventus looked away, ashamed. “That was part of the deal.”

Sora hung his head, his hands still on Ventus’s shoulders. “Is that it, though?”

“Yes, Sora,” Ventus said, his eyes narrowing. “Why, do you think I’d have done more than that? What kind of person do you think I am?”

Riku frowned, walking up and hearing the tail end of the conversation. “Ven. I’m glad you’re okay. Is ...Vanitas really gone?” 

Sora dropped his hands. “Ven, please don’t misunderstand me. I’m glad you didn’t agree to anything else. I’m...so glad.”

Ventus sighed. “Look. He’s gone for good, okay? We’re packing up soon and moving on to the next city. Let’s just...try to pretend this didn’t happen.”

Sora nodded. “...Xemnas will let me come with you guys, right?” Riku stepped up behind him and slipped his arm around his waist.

“If you’re making him money, he doesn’t care who’s part of this troupe. But who cares. You’re family now, Sora. You’re not going anywhere.” Riku leaned in and kissed the side of Sora’s head. 

Ventus gave the best half-smile he could manage. “I’m gonna go to the lake and wash myself. I feel dirty.”

Sora nodded. “...I’m sorry.”

“As long as you’re safe,” Ventus said softly. “I’m glad you’re part of our family, Sora.”

Sora’s eyes misted over as he collected the blond into his arms. “You’re something else, Ventus.”

Ventus wiped his eyes from within Sora’s embrace. “How many times do I have to tell you to call me Ven?”

 

\--

 

_For Leann._


End file.
